Beauty and the Beast
by iheartShules
Summary: When a beauty meets a beast... RATED T CAREESE A/U. Yes, the summary is vague on purpose ;D
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Hi guys :) I'm back with another AU featuring our favorite couple. Also, I know the title is corny but I was in that cheesy mood when I named this.  
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 _ **I'm going to try to post twice a week.  
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 _ **Disclaimer: I still don't own this stuff but they are my baes and I enjoy writing about them.**_

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John sat propped up against a dirty smelly dumpster, cold and drunk, but not nearly drunk enough. Still feeling the tight grasp of pain and betrayal in every crevice of his body even after drinking an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, he longed for blissful numbness. Drinking himself to oblivion until death took him wasn't working. He needed something faster. Surviving all that he had just to lose Jessica…made it all pointless. Worthless.

He utilized the dumpster to help him stand as he swayed on his feet. It was time to do something a little more drastic to get the end result he was after quicker: namely, buried in the ground.

John stopped to throw away the empty bottle into the dumpster, the mute sound of glass breaking in the hazy background, as he began moving with careful steps to not announce his drunkenness; with his terrible luck he'd have a cop decide he was in need of drying out at the closest holding cell. He had just enough money to get a ride to where he wanted to go. And he knew just exactly where to…the Brooklyn Bridge, where he could take a nice long walk he wasn't coming back from. With the cover of darkness he wouldn't have any noble do-gooder trying to stop him either.

Time lost all meaning when you lived on the streets. As he didn't know how long it took to walk slowly to the subway. Not that it mattered what time of the night he killed himself, as long as the job was done, then he was alright with it. John barely spared any passersby a glance as he entered the J train and sat down. Most people avoided him because, evidently being homeless meant you had the plague. It always angered him at how Joan and the others were treated. He didn't care about being looked down upon because he had done horrible things and earned people's disdain, but Joan was a good person and didn't deserve the stigma.

His body thirsted for alcohol wishing he hadn't decided to waste the last bit of money on the subway instead of the bitter taste of whiskey. John closed his eyes and kept his head down waiting patiently to be at peace. All was quiet just as he liked for a few brief seconds anyway.

John felt movement beside him. His well-trained senses kicked in, it was hard to turn off after decades in the military and the CIA collectively, and he let them. First his sense of smell picked up a hint of Jasmin and something floral, suggesting that the movement nearby belonged to a woman. Next his ears took stock that this lady, who wasn't being all that quiet, sat down beside him with a heavy breath. Followed shortly thereafter by the sense of touch because their shoulders brushed, barely, but it was enough to jolt him, and make him shy away from the accidental contact. Finally, he cracked an eye open to see who dared to sit near him and invade his space, and noted that it was a black woman who had a pretty profile, and whose jacket couldn't quite hide the fact that she was at least eight months pregnant. But it was the fact that she radiated fear that troubled him. It permeated from her as much as her sweet Jasmin did.

Not his problem. Nothing would be his problem soon enough.

But even with that thought firmly planted in his mind John couldn't keep from watching her with his one bloodshot eye and saw her rubbing her round belly absently. It wasn't until he strained to listen that he realized she was talking to her unborn child.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'll protect you," she whispered with a melodic voice that calmed even the raging twisted animal in him. "No one will hurt you, I promise."

John looked away from the pregnant woman's protruding belly to notice her clothes. She was wearing what appeared to be men's pants and her shoes didn't match suggesting she had gotten them on quickly. At her mismatched feet there was a bag full of clothes unfolded inside it…stuffed in there in haste. She was on the run. From what?—who knew, and he didn't care. It wasn't his problem. She was probably running from the father, he supposed. Maybe he wanted her to have an abortion because he didn't want to take get involved with a baby, let alone paying to raise it for the next twenty years or so. Some men were bastards that wanted to stick their dicks in women's pussies without a rubber on but then don't want to cop to the consequences of unprotected sex. If that was the case, good on her for leaving; if every woman got an abortion because the man didn't want to support them than he wouldn't have been born or adopted to loving parents.

But then a darker thought slithered into his fractured psyche making his hands curl into fists as he fought for control. What if she was running from the father because he was abusive, like Peter, and she didn't want her child harmed as she was? And abuse lead to worse…just like what happened to Jessica.

"Who are you running from?" asked John, roughly, against his will and it surprised him as much as the woman beside him.

She looked up and her protective hand tightened on her belly. John forced both eyes open lifting his weary gaze off her bag and onto the woman's face, and was surprised even more than speaking to her, to find that she was beautiful. All her extra weight was pure baby as her face was slim and flawless, with attractive features that left him unsettled.

"Excuse me," she responded coldly. Her dark eyes were like warm chocolate but were frosty as she stared him down, as if she was used to being on her own, and didn't trust anyone to help her. John let his hazy gaze slide down to her lips that were full and parted. He wondered what she tasted like and the thought upset his equilibrium. Why did it matter what her kiss tasted like? In a matter of minutes he would be going to take a walk he wasn't coming back from.

John lifted his eyes back up to her resilient set as he said again; "Who are running from?"

"What makes you think I'm running?" she asked instead.

He shrugged, wanting to just go back to waiting to die but found himself saying; "From the way you're dressed. Unless you think wearing two different shoes is a fashion statement." She looked down and then back up and flushed before all evidence of it was wiped clean off her face. "Also you're wearing man's pants probably because it was the first thing you grabbed to put on, and you have a bag full of clothes but they are unfolded, suggesting that you just stuffed them in there as quickly as possible so you could get the hell out of dodge."

"Who the hell are you?" she demanded scathingly.

John felt a tired smile flicker on his lips. "I'm a dead man," he said gently before looking away. "Soon enough, anyway…"

Joss eyed the man beside her guardedly. He was clearly homeless, so not a threat to her, or at least, not a major one anyway. With the way his breath smelled of booze she could easily take him down even with being pregnant. But Joss blatantly perused him as he had done of her. He was wearing clothes that hung on his big frame suggesting he had lost weight since putting them on. He had a shaggy beard and wild unkempt dark hair with gray at the temples, and his eyes were glassy from drinking. But even though his eyes were glassy they were beautifully blue, truly remarkable, but painfully sad.

Knowing a man on the edge when she saw one, this man had a giant neon sign reading: "DONE" stamped all over him. He was ready to let go of life, and judging where the J train let off…she knew just where he was heading. She hid here because she was afraid that the people looking for her would find her easily. Joss frowned as her annoyance at his attitude fled and heart went out to the homeless man beside her whose soulful eyes held heart wrenching pain in them, and god help her, she wanted to help him.

Joss grimaced internally because she didn't need this. She needed to get the hell out of New York before Paul's problems found her, and not let her bleeding heart get caught up trying to save someone beyond saving anyway.

This hobo was right; she was on the run, thanks to Paul, her estranged husband. She hadn't seen him since their last pathetic attempt to save their marriage which resulted in an accidental pregnancy. But even though she hated Paul, this child growing inside her was the only good thing that came from her miserable ten year marriage to the person she once thought was her soulmate. Boy, had she been painfully wrong.

They had met in the military, both had loads in common, lust racing through their veins, and had immediately married. She went on to be one of the top interrogators and he went on the front lines, so they saw less and less of each other. But their marriage remained solid as a rock. Then she had been injured in Fallujah when a Marine she was being escorted by stepped on a land mine, turning him to dust and ripped apart her entire abdomen.

She came back to the States where she mourned the loss of her friend and her military career. Joss had been honorably discharged and received a Purple Heart for her sacrifices. As she recuperated and tried to figure out what to do with the rest of her life; she had settled on hoping to get pregnant and have a child. Thankfully, where she had been injured it didn't leave her barren. But then Paul came back a completely different man. The man she loved was gone, a shell of his former self. But not one to ever be a quitter, Joss had thought she could save Paul and their marriage. How naïve she had been. You needed two to make a marriage work, and Paul was not interested in helping himself or her. Their marriage got more and more rocky, especially when she started the police academy, and Paul drifted between jobs.

But as she graduated the academy and put in time as a rookie the worse their marriage got. She filed for separation with a heavy heart, because it was an admittance of failure, and giving up on any dream of having a child. Having already entered her thirties the louder the ticking of her biological clock got. Then as if he'd seen the light, as she worked as a beat cop, Paul started going to the VA and receiving help because he wanted to be a better man for her, he didn't want to divorce. Joss foolishly believed Paul's desire to change, for her, for him, and gave him another chance.

After only two years as a beat cop she got a promotion to the Homicide Task Force. It was a coup and she worked her ass off for it too. The entire time she put in she never took a day off; she worked double shifts and sought out detectives for advice on how to make detective. She was proud of herself; Paul…not so much. He had been still bouncing around from job to job, never quite finding his place after being discharged. Paul's jealousy at her new life built a rift between them that she didn't know how to bridge. Then he stopped going to the VA altogether, claiming he was fine and started getting money for things she didn't know where he got it; buying her ridiculous expensive gifts that she didn't want, as money didn't buy her trust or love. He disappeared for a while and wouldn't answer where he was. It was like he was living a double life and the more secretive he became the more she mistrusted him.

And that last night she'd seen Paul, the night they conceived her child, she made a last ditch effort to fix their broken marriage. She had lit candles and ordered takeout. It felt very much like one of their first dates. Paul had been funny and sweet. She had a nice time. And they both decided to try to recapture what was seemingly lost to them, but as Paul made love to her…she felt nothing. She was wet from stimulation but a dildo could have been inside her from the lack of feelings that their lovemaking aroused in her. The love in her heart for Paul was gone, snuffed out from years of mistrust and pain. And when she couldn't climax even though Paul tried to get her there, after him, all hell broke loose. It was another wound to the male ego that Joss unwitting dealt to Paul. First she had been strong enough to not warrant a need to go to the VA or see a therapist as he had needed. Then a husband being unable to fulfill his wife sexually was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Vile and disgusting things were flung her way as she sat in their bed, naked, and stunned. Bile rose in her throat because Paul, a virtual stranger from the man she married, had been inside her and she wanted to shower to wash him away. After he stormed out, promising he'd find a woman who wasn't a frigid bitch like her, she cried herself to sleep for the lost love, and that was the last she'd seen of him.

It wasn't until she and her partner Detective Lionel Fusco had been working a new homicide case that she learned where that money was coming from for Paul. Paul sold his services to the highest bidder. Cameras caught the murder of a prominent doctor and the one pulling the trigger was none other than Paul Carter. Instantly her captain yanked her off the case and she was interrogated as if she had known her estranged husband was a murderer, but she understood. They needed to do their job. Not long after that she learned she was two months pregnant but she refused to think of Paul as the father. No, he was just the sperm donor.

As time went on there were no leads on Paul's whereabouts. Her captain had her place wiretapped and under constant surveillance just in case Paul decided to reshow his face to his estranged wife and she was fine with it. And if he ever did Joss would arrest him herself, then could finally serve the asshole divorce papers, and remove his parental rights.

Some of her informants got her info on Paul as she worked his case off the books, saying that he was getting entangled with the criminal mastermind, Carl Elias. And that led to her problem today. Paul double crossed Elias and got a friend of his killed, and now he was after her in retaliation. She received an ominous note from Paul early that evening, the first time she heard from him in months, telling her that she was in danger and get the hell out of New York. At first, she scoffed, and refused to let him scare her. But then some gut instinct or mother's intuition took over, and she decided to heed the warning. Having been already dressed for bed she changed hastily into whatever was closest and she accidentally opened the drawer with Paul's clothes in it. Not hesitating because just a few seconds made all the difference in survival she pulled them on, stomped her feet into what shoes were around, and proceeded to ransack her dresser drawer with her maternity clothes and some necessities into a plastic bag. Just as she climbed into her car she watched men converged on her brownstone, breaking into it and gave chase to her once they realized she was in her car and speeding away.

Joss had ditched her car and waited until dead of night to get onto the subway to head…where, she wasn't sure. But she needed to get someplace to hide for a while without anyone's knowledge. The only way she knew how to absolve the threat to her life was using Paul as bait to lure Elias out of hiding. Going to the police was out as she knew, there were moles inside the force that were loyal to Elias. The moment she reached out to her captain or showed her face there, game over. In time she would figure out a way to get in reach with Lionel, her only true friend on the force.

She had to find Paul and try to convince him to do the right thing for once but she couldn't very well do that now, not at nearly nine months pregnant. Nothing on this Earth would make her risk her child's life, even if it meant she had to go into hiding with a giant bullseyes on her back. Joss had no doubt that Elias would search the ends of the Earth to find her to use her against Paul so he could exact his revenge against the man that got his friend killed. But she didn't think Paul cared enough about her to mean much, which meant she served no purpose and she would be murdered, and same could be said of her unborn child.

Which brought her back to where she was currently: sitting on a subway train talking to a homeless man. Joss looked at him as she realized she had sunk into her thoughts and he was staring through her as if he was as lost in his own troubling thoughts as she had been.

"You don't have to go through with it," she murmured finally, not actively answering what he asked her, but instead wanted to try to help this man. Joss wished she could shut off the compassionate part of her but he was a life that she could save while saving her own; if she said the right things than he might not try to kill himself tonight.

He eyed her sharply. "Go through with what?" he asked coldly, voice clear without a hint of a slur even though the alcohol clung to his breath.

"You know what, I've seen men like you before…done with life," she said softly. "You don't have to go through with it. There is so much to live for."

He made a face. "Not when your only connection to the world is gone," he countered roughly. He wondered how she seemed to read his thoughts.

"Then find a new one," she replied just as bluntly, not really in the mood to go about this the polite way. "Let me guess; you're former military, lots of military men and women are homeless because they can't find their place in society after they come back, or they can't find a job because people back here are ignorant assholes," she said conversationally. "But I think you fall under the first option. You probably saw a lot of action and came back different but instead of asking for help you sank into this depression that now makes you feel as though your only option is suicide," she said it as fact. "You're no better than my ex-husband," she snarled.

John eyed this little know-it-all. She was only half right. He was former military, a long time ago, but he didn't sink into depression because he came back and couldn't find his place in society. He had no place in society because he was a dead man, the CIA made sure to it. And it didn't really matter when the woman he loved was gone.

"You don't know me," he remarked stiffly.

Joss arched a brow. "So you're saying I'm wrong?" she challenged.

But he didn't rise to the bait. "Since you have me all figured out why not tell me who you are running from?" he suggested instead.

She shrugged. "None of your damned business," she replied smoothly as she rubbed her belly anxiously.

The train slowed and Joss panicked as she didn't think she got through to this homeless man about not needing to commit suicide. He got to his feet and Joss did as well, albeit much slower, after grabbing her bag of clothes, she'd follow him wherever he went to prevent it if she had to, and grabbed the man's hand. He stumbled a bit and looked at her in blatant surprise at her touch. Joss instantly let him go because for one, he was a stranger and for two, the moment they touched something akin to heat flared between them. She decided it was just her hormones playing tricks on her due to her pregnancy. For god sakes, he was a homeless man!

"Please, don't, I can't let you do it and I have myself and my child to worry about without needing to worry about you too," she pleaded. He stared down at her, making her realize the height difference between them. He was above six feet, had to be. "I'll follow you. I swear it. I'll call 9-1-1 before you ever jump!" she threatened.

A commotion at the door that lead between trains caught her eye and she visibly paled as men she didn't recognize seemed to recognize her. "Oh god," she whispered, as new panic emerged. Elias either had men on the subway trains looking for someone that matched her description or he put feelers out for every low level scumbag to find her and bring her to him for a hefty payday. She had her gun tucked in the back of her pants, after having no time to get the holster in her desperate haste to get away, but there were far too many innocent people in the train to risk taking a shot.

John followed her gaze and watched as the four men made a beeline for them, or rather for her, and she shrunk back behind him. At the late stage of her pregnancy running for her life was nearly impossible. These punks weren't hired men but looked like two-bit criminals which suggested to him that there was a bounty on the pretty pregnant lady's head.

Taking his much needed walk could wait until after he kicked four punk kid asses for threatening a woman and her unborn child. "Move along, we have no beef with you," one kid said to the bum as he stepped towards them, blocking their exit. When John didn't move; the kid looked past him to the woman behind him. "Just come with us peacefully and the troll doesn't get hurt." the kid offered as he withdrew a knife.

John rolled his eyes as he reached out and disarmed the man before twisting the man's arm and pulled, popping his shoulder out of the socket. He screamed before collapsing and John instantly kicked out, as the next kid moved forward to retaliate, pushing him backwards hard so he could switch his gaze onto the other one standing shocked, staring down at his friend who was crying out in pain, holding his shoulder, which gave John ample opportunity to punch him without so much of a fight. He crumpled soundlessly as one well-placed punch rendered him unconscious.

Once the punk regained his footing after being kicked away he surged forward, along with the last one, who was the smallest and was allowing his friends to do the dirty work, and John blocked both their uncoordinated attacks. John wished he wasn't still drunk or he would have this already finished. When he pushed them back enough to make them surge forward again John swiftly grabbed them by the backs of their necks and smashed their faces together hard. They fell to the ground writhing in pain as blood oozed from their respective broken noses.

In a matter of a couple minutes he had the four on the ground groaning, and / or, out cold and Joss could only stare in astonishment. Her homeless savior reached out and took her arm and proceeded to tug her with him as they exited off the subway train, leaving others to gape at them.

"Come on, we need to hurry before cops get here," he whispered, which was the last thing he needed. Public intoxication, coupled with assault even done in self-defense, wouldn't do him or the pregnant woman any favors.

Joss didn't question him, rather simply going with him without a sound; he just downed four men that were going to take her to Elias and once they realized Paul didn't give a shit about her than he'd kill her and the unborn child growing inside her.

After exiting the subway train she watched in disbelief as her homeless guy pick-pocketed a well-dressed man who walked by, before taking all the cash out of the wallet, which was a lot, at least a grand, and promptly threw the wallet away in the trash. Joss realized now that her quick profile of this man was way off. He was more than just a military man. No one fought the way he did not from the regular Army. This guy had to be more along the lines of Special Forces or Delta. He didn't bat an eye at the confrontation, took them down with minimal effort, like it was just a damned warm up for him, and he just pick-pocketed someone as if it was the easiest thing in the world to do. It wasn't. And the guy he just stole from idyllically went on unaware of his missing wallet.

Her homeless man looked back at her and she stared at him openly. "What?" he demanded, pocketing the money.

A part of her wanted to reprimand him for stealing that man's hard earned money but she didn't because they needed it. She couldn't afford hitting her bank account with fear that Elias had men everywhere, and she only had limited funds with her.

"Just who in the hell are you?" she asked. He dismissed her question as he looked away. It infuriated her. "Tell me your name, at least!" she commanded as he began walking away.

"It's funny you only need a name now when you're in trouble…"

"And you're trouble with a capital T," she finished for him, as she followed him. Joss really had no other option right now. Being this pregnant with Elias's men, and apparently having a bounty on her head, she stood no chance getting away without a little help. For now she had to rely on this homeless man who had just kicked ass for her. But that didn't mean she had to like it.

"I was thinking the same thing for you, lady."

"My name is Joss," she announced irritably.

Her homeless man looked over his shoulder at her. "Nice to meet you, Joss," he murmured and she wasn't sure she liked how her name sounded on his lips. It sounded way too sensual, like a lover's purr.

She arched a brow when no ready offer of his name came. "And you would be…?" she prodded, annoyed it was taking so long to get a name in return.

"John," he said after a moment.

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AN: I know I made Paul a literal piece of shit but just be forewarned.

Also before I let you guys go I am finally now ready to release my dedicated Twitter for here (because my personal one has too much other stuff on it LOL) which has been created like a year ago but I just hadn't had any time to dedicate to it. I didn't want anyone to go there and not receive a response or see any of the things I wanted to do for it. I'll be letting you guys know when there is an update on any story, whether new or not, and I'll be tweeting some fun little things for Careese too that will only be on Twitter.

So if you want to check it out search: iheartshulesFF

You'll see the same photo as the one on here!

Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: Thank you guys for liking this AU! XOXO to the guests who left me a comment to encourage me as well. I can't thank you personally!**_

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John, the homeless man, if that was his name, had used the money he stole to go on a shopping spree, and to get them a motel room for the night where no one asked any questions when you paid in cash. During his impromptu shopping spree he had purchased a variety of things like new clothes, a razor, a comb, some deodorant for them both because she forgot to pack some, and some new shoes for them both. The wad of cash John stole quickly dwindled and it left them enough for the motel room for the night and some food from the closest fast food chain around. The motel was in the rough section of town, hopefully not on Elias's radar, and Joss wouldn't admit aloud that she was thankful John was with her in this area.

He had let her use the bathroom first which she gratefully accepted. After relieving her tortured bladder and taking a long shower she actually felt human again. It was only hours of going on the run but it felt like a lifetime already. She hid her gun in her jacket by her so her suicidal companion couldn't find a use for it. Since exiting the bathroom John had been in it. He took a longer shower than her and she could understand why, he was a homeless man after all.

Joss put the old tube TV on just wanting the white noise to distract her from her worry over her situation. She had always wished to be pregnant but she never thought she would be while on the run from people who wanted to use her as a pawn in a deadly game of cat and mouse. She ate her generic burger and fries, starving, and the high fat content was ignored for once. She sat on her bed knowing that John would be taking the floor, which she felt bad for, but she wasn't sharing this bed with him.

As minutes ticked by and still no reappearance by her mysterious savior Joss moved to stand and threw away her trash in the basket under the little table near the equally small entertainment center that held the TV. All in all the motel room wasn't all that bad. It was a little dingy but nothing she couldn't handle, it even had a tiny kitchenette. And she'd seen worse. The sheets and comforter was washed and the towels in the bathroom were clean and fresh. There weren't any creepy crawlies in sight, and even the shower stall didn't have soap scum or mildew.

Joss sat back down on the edge of the bed, with frayed nerves, and waited for her homeless man to exit the motel room's bathroom. This was utterly crazy that she was relying on a perfect stranger to help her and her unborn son. Joss smiled as she looked down at her belly and rubbed it.

"I love you baby boy, we will be fine." she whispered sweetly to him. Joss hadn't wanted to learn the sex of the baby, wanted to be surprised, but her curiosity was too great to ignore and she finally broke down and learned the gender. She had been ecstatic to learn it was a boy and knew she'd name him Taylor. She always wanted a boy named Taylor, ever since she was old enough to know she wanted children.

The bathroom door opened, ceasing her thoughts and she gaped at her homeless man, John, as he came out. His dark hair that had a healthy sprinkling of silver in it was wet still but combed back away from his face, resting at his base of his neck, and in desperate need of a cut. But gone completely was the shaggy beard. They'd need to get him a haircut but with just cleaning up a bit, the people after them looking for a scraggly looking man with her were going to look past them because John looked like a damned model that just walked off a shoot rather than a hobo.

With the beard gone and his longish hair combed back John's bluest blue eyes with full thick lashes were on full display. Not to mention his sex appeal that had been hidden beneath the hair because he was damned good looking. He had strong facial features with high cheekbones, nice pink lips, long eyelashes, and an intensity to him that was quite sexy. Joss finally managed to stop staring at his gorgeous face to move down to his athletic body under jeans and a tee shirt which looked a little too lean. Muscle tone was evident still with the biceps bulging beneath the white shirt he was wearing, so he wasn't homeless for too long to lose muscle mass.

"You're staring," he remarked bluntly.

She couldn't help it. She worked her mouth before finally saying; "Can you blame me?—my frog became a prince in a span of a half hour." Probably the longest to take was shaving off that godforsaken woodsman beard he had.

His lips twisted up in a parody of a smile. "I suppose not," he admitted.

Joss decided to not become preoccupied with his good looks or the sheer torment that seemed to radiate off him. It seemed pain and despair just ebbed out of him, making her wonder if there was any way she could truly help him. "May I ask where you learned how to pick pocket like that?" she asked for a neutral topic to converse about.

"You tell me; you seem to know everything," he commented dryly.

Joss frowned. "I'm sorry I compared you to my ex. I don't know your story and I shouldn't jump to conclusions," she apologized softly. John shrugged as he sat down at the small table to eat his cold food. The silence that filled the room was unwanted. "So, where did you learn how to pick pocket like that?" she questioned again.

"The Army," he stated shortly.

She thinned her lips as getting answers from John was like pulling teeth. He seemed uncomfortable with conversation but she decided it was because of not being social in a while.

"Not from the regular Army," she said to further their conversation herself. He looked at her as he took a bite of his burger. "Is it still warm? There's a small microwave." she offered as she pointed to the small little kitchenette off just from the bathroom.

"It's fine; used to it."

So much for getting more of a response, but Joss wasn't giving up. "But as I was saying you weren't in the regular Army, you have to be Special Forces or Delta with the way you fought with ease. It was if you anticipated their moves before they did," she spoke her suspicions aloud to him.

John seemed to be interested in his food rather than answering her so she waited and waited until he was finished. When he was he looked at her and she eyed him expectantly he sighed. "I was Special Forces," he relented, but didn't offer anything further than that.

They lapsed into silence and she quietly observed him. "I'm sorry," she offered, knowing the words were hollow but she needed to offer him some solace. Whatever happened, whoever he had lost to make him feel as though his connection to the world was gone it was even more evident that it was slowly eating away at him, now seeing him fresh faced and clean.

"For what?"

"For whoever you lost, I'm sorry you did," she said softly.

A look of anguish flashed across his face before it was gone replaced with a cool mask of indifference. "And what makes you think I lost anyone?" he demanded with bite to his voice.

It was a question that didn't want to be answered, not with the way he asked it. Clearly he was telling her to back off now, but she felt that if she did she was only delaying him from his plans. "You lost your connection to the world, right? I'm assuming it's a woman that you loved," she murmured, taking note the way his jaw ticked. Yep, she got it on the first try. "But you should be asking yourself this: would she want you like this?"

"It's none of your concern…."

Joss sighed as he basically told her to cease and desist. Can't save someone who didn't want to be saved; she tried to with Paul and got egg on her face, did she really want to try again with a complete stranger? As she stared at John the answer was an emphatic yes.

"Now that we have eaten and cleaned up, care to explain to me what the hell is going on?" John asked.

She eyed him steadily. "So what's going on with me is your business but I can't know anything about you," she surmised testily.

He shrugged. "I'm not the one about to pop and have people after me," he remarked crudely.

Joss felt annoyed because he was right. "You make a valid point. Seeing as you're my only hope at escaping with my lack of speed I guess you deserve to know what you're up against."

"Look Joss, I'm not a knight in shining armor. To be perfectly honest I'm the complete opposite, and there's a part of me that doesn't want to get involved because I just want to drink and I really don't give a damn," he stated bluntly.

Joss stared at him. He wasn't a very good liar. Everything he said she believed up to the end; because his voice changed. Being an interrogator in the Army she had excelled at spotting lies and twisting people's words against them, until they told the truth one way or another. John's 'tell' wasn't huge, just slight, and someone less astute in the art of sniffing out a lie would have missed it, but he was lying through his teeth about not giving a damn. His voice lacked conviction towards the end of his statement; his voice started off strong and cold, but ended quiet and held a hint of confusion as if he didn't understand why he did care. He didn't _want_ to give a damn, that she believed, but he did.

"I don't need anyone to slay my dragons for me, John, I do my own slaying," she assured coolly, not about to let him know she was onto him. She begun to strategize on how to save John and realized quickly you couldn't let him know he was being saved, which was going to be damned tricky. John was intelligent and sharp so she'd just have to be more clever and sneakier. He arched a brow and she saw a flicker of interest slip in his cool blue eyes. And she inwardly smiled as she hooked him.

"No?"

"No," she agreed. "If I wasn't almost nine months pregnant I wouldn't need your damn help. I've spent years relying on myself. I've trusted someone before and got slapped in the face for it. I was done with it so I turned to the only person that couldn't hurt me: myself. But I know I can't go it alone especially now, being super pregnant, I'm so big I can be seen from space, and because I don't know where I can turn too without Elias finding me," she stated tersely, speaking facts about herself to him. "But I can guarantee you this: that relying on your help is taking every single ounce of my willpower to suppress my pride. So this is me, swallowing my pride and asking you the unthinkable in helping me because I need it," she said through gritted teeth.

John recognized brutal honesty when he heard it and that was nothing short but the truth. And he begrudgingly admired her for it. "So what are we up against?" he asked quietly.

Joss didn't outwardly show a sign of relief that he was going to help her. She didn't want him to know how worried she was that she had nowhere to go especially not after just telling him how much she relied on herself.

"Paul," she began, and she realized she had called him her ex to John earlier. Well as soon as she could make it happen, he would be. "My ex-husband Paul was in the Army on the front lines so he saw a lot of action."

"…and came back a different man," John supplied.

"How did you know?"

A faint smile flickered on his lips. "What did you say?—oh, it was you likened me to your ex-husband after you told me that I came back a different man who couldn't find my place in society," he answered.

"I apologized didn't I?" she reminded with a heavy sigh. Well, so far, at least, John was nothing like Paul. "But yes, Paul came back a different man. I loved who he had been and couldn't come to love who he became," she admitted with sorrow.

"I'm sorry," he offered.

She shrugged. "I tried to help him but he didn't want it. I filed for separation and then suddenly he changed his mind and got help. Stupid me thought we turned a corner and could work things out," she spoke as if it happened to someone else. "Then I got my promotion."

"And he got jealous."

Joss nodded. "Yea, I found a life after the military and he couldn't so…"

John interrupted; "You're former military too?" he asked, suddenly alert.

She smiled at how interested he became. Before he was listening but the moment she said she was former military it seemed it had piqued his interest. "Yes. I was a Warrant Officer, first in Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan before relocating to Iraq. I was at Camp Liberty in Baghdad until 04' as a Human Intelligence Collector and interrogator," she explained fondly. He nodded his head at the information. "I was medically discharged."

"Why?" he cut in again.

"A Marine that was escorting me stepped on a land mine turning himself into dust, but his body protected me mostly from the blast. My side got mangled by some shrapnel." she replied, noting his eyes softened as she relayed her story.

"You were lucky…."

Joss nodded her head in agreement. "I know. It was my closest call," she agreed. She conveniently left off about her night terrors. Survivor's guilt wasn't easy to live with but she had found healing and strength from within which had been a source of conflict between her and Paul. "But anyway, once I was promoted to homicide detective I—"

John once more cut in. "You're a cop now?" he questioned in surprise.

She laughed gently at the way he said it, like he was appalled. "Yea, I was going to be a lawyer but I found I loved solving crimes. But studying law certainly helps on cases," she admitted.

If only she knew the things he'd done then she wouldn't want his help. He was sure she would want to lock him up.

Joss felt the moment he learned she was a cop an insurmountable distance between them opened up, even though they sat in the same room. And she had a feeling she knew why. Most Special Forces men she knew were recruited by the Central Intelligence Agency, if that was the case with John, who knew what division he worked in there. Joss heard rumors that certain divisions within the agency did things that weren't legal or moral for their country, but the government wouldn't take responsibility for. If they were caught doing it then all knowledge from the U.S. government would be denied, and the men would go down as the scapegoat. The government loved their plausible deniability.

"Anyway, Paul grew jealous that I created a life after being discharged while he struggled to hold onto a job longer than a month. We were separate people. I looked inward for peace and strength after my ordeal but Paul needed some help. He just needed someone to talk to but he wouldn't go seek that," she relayed, getting back to the topic at hand. She didn't want John to focus on her being a cop.

"What happened after that?"

"My stupidity did," she acknowledged. "Paul started coming home with an abundance of money. He'd buy these frivolous things and wouldn't tell me where he was getting the money or how. He just said he found a job he was good at. I tried to ask for more but he was secretive. But I told myself to be patient and he would talk to me. So I focused on trying to fix my broken marriage by making a date night."

"That led to your pregnancy…."

She nodded as her shoulders slumped. "We had a falling out." she admitted softly.

"Let me guess; bad sex," he guessed.

Joss laughed softly. "You could say that again. I realized as I lied with my husband as intimate as can be that I wasn't in love with him anymore. It was all gone, and Paul flipped out, called me a bunch of names, and left. I haven't seen him since."

John cursed. No man should treat any woman like that, especially a woman he supposedly loved. "I take it where he was getting the money was from less than scrupulous means."

Joss snorted derisively. "My partner and I were working a new homicide case of a prominent doctor when there were cameras that caught the act, and the culprit, and it was none other than Paul. He was selling his services to the highest bidder and became a hitman," she said with disgust. "My problem comes from the fact that Paul began hanging out with Carl Elias, a known mobster, and criminal mastermind, and double crossed him, which led to one of Elias's friend's death. One thing known about Elias is that he holds those close to him in the highest esteem. Well, Elias is looking for retribution but Paul went into hiding, like the coward he is, and look who they are after to lure him out."

"His pregnant ex-wife," John muttered, though the promise of danger thrilled him. He still hungered for the peace that the grave would give him but maybe before he gave into that desperate need he could do something good. He eyed her quietly. "You're in some big trouble, Joss."

She made a sound of agreement. "Don't I know it, wait until Elias realizes Paul doesn't care about me…I'll serve no use and he'll kill me and my unborn child," she said.

"Assuming that this Elias doesn't cut your baby out to lure Paul to him with it," John admitted, though immediately wishing he hadn't because pain exploded on Joss's delicate features before white hot rage.

"No one is touching my son," she declared fiercely. "I don't care about me but I'll do whatever I have to do to protect him."

"Son?—you know the gender?" he questioned. Though judging from the fact that she hounded him with questions, and she was a former interrogator, coupled with the fact that she was a detective, surely the curiosity was killing her. John watched as Joss lit up like a Christmas tree at the mention of her unborn child. Her hands instantly lovingly rubbed her belly.

"Yes, it's a boy." she acknowledged still rubbing her stomach before jumping, and holding her hands still making him watch her in concern.

"Are you and the baby okay?"

She smiled as she nodded. "Yes, he's just kicking…hard." she spoke softly as she felt her stomach. Joss looked up. "You want to feel?" she offered.

She nearly laughed aloud at the panic that crossed his handsome face as he shook his head in refusal. Yea, why feel an innocent life kicking against his mother's womb. Not when he wanted to remain unfeeling and keep detached from the world. But as John was going to save her, she was going to save him. It was an equal trade off so that way her pride could handle asking for this help.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Joss awoke the next morning feeling rested which was surprising since how lousy yesterday had been. Last night things got a little awkward for her and John when they both were ready for bed; because John had immediately lowered his large body to the floor, without a pillow or anything, and she felt bad. After insisting he take one of the two pillows on the bed, she felt a tad bit better. Maybe next motel room they got was a two bedded one.

Though as they lied in the dark she had been unable to fall asleep readily, so unfortunately for John she had subjected him to pointless conversation. She smiled as she rolled her shoulders to work out the kinks there and thought about how he went with it:

" _You're not a snorer are you?" Joss asked._

" _Not sure," he answered with what sounded like laughter in his voice. "Are you?"_

" _Nope," she lied. Still her eyes refused to close. "Did you know that_ _Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts_?" _she stated conversationally, randomly, out of the blue._

 _John paused. "No, I can honestly say I did not know that and didn't think I'd ever would."_

" _Sorry, I love learning useless facts about stuff," she mumbled embarrassed. Paul had hated whenever she'd sprout off a random fact. But she just liked learning new things. There was a reason she took extra classes at college that weren't prerequisites for her law degree. She took Art History, Creative Writing, Film Study, and others just to learn something new._

" _Me too. Well try this on for size; did you know that every time you lick a stamp you are consuming 1/10 of a calorie?" he inquired._

 _Joss lied there in surprise. John liked learning random information too! "You've got to be kidding!" she said hopeful._

" _Not kidding, if you lick ten stamps you just licked a calorie."_

 _She laughed as she groaned. "Well damn that should be a public service announcement or something!" she muttered and she heard him chuckle a little in response._

Joss smiled just thinking about their banter back and forth last night. After their random trivia quiz her eyes grew heavy and she had fallen asleep. Now, she realized that he had figured out she was anxious and just needed to talk until she could relax. John was a good man even though he didn't seem to think so. He claimed to not be a knight in shining armor, actually claiming to be the exact opposite. She decided that maybe her hunch on where he went after his military career could be correct. The CIA did a lot, many less than moral, things which could make him think he was this monster. Not to mention he reacted negatively once he learned she was a cop. But even if John had done unspeakable things in the name of their country she didn't care. Perhaps she should, and maybe she would have, if their circumstances were different, or they met in some other kind of way, but not now, not when he was helping her for no other reason than because it was right. If John was truly a bad man, with no heart, he wouldn't be helping her. He wouldn't care that her and her baby would be killed.

Her son was squeezing her bladder and the urge to pee grew to a code red. Joss pushed the comforter off her and pushed up. She froze when she saw the floor empty. She looked to the bathroom door and found it open with the light off, and on the table rested her coat but her gun was missing.

John was gone.

Joss cursed the tears that pricked the backs of her eyes, so much for thinking of him as a good man that was honorable. Her gut, her instincts, that never steered her wrong before thought he was but maybe her pregnancy hormones were screwing her up. And so much for saving him and having someone to watch her back; John waited until she fell asleep to leave probably taking the last bit of money to go get more booze before he blew his brains out with her gun. That unsavory thought settled in her heart cracking the already break in it further. Well so far she was zero for two at saving someone, and she refused to believe she'd strike out protecting her son.

Joss climbed to her feet stubbornly wiping away the few tears that fell, blaming them on stress and not crying over a man leaving who didn't even know her. She couldn't really blame him for wanting to bow out. He didn't ask for this; she had every Tom, Dick, and Harry after her while John just wanted to kill himself. And he did help her get off the subway intact, so it wasn't fair to assume he wasn't a good man. Joss groaned as she was forgiving him for leaving when she should hold onto her hurt and anger.

She entered the bathroom to pee or she'd embarrass herself even more than crying over a man she barely knew. After flushing the toilet she washed her hands, and looked herself in the mirror as she combed her hair with the comb John bought yesterday.

"So what if you're alone? What else is new? You'll be fine. You don't need anyone. You never did." she told her reflection, though her voice didn't sound all that convinced. Her eyes drooped to her belly where her son was growing and panic settled in her bones. Oh god, who was she kidding? If it was just her she would indeed be fine but she was pregnant and needed help. But she didn't have anyone to turn too. Elias would be watching her mother and Lionel like a hawk. No one knew about Shaw but she couldn't very well just dump her problems on her friend like that.

Joss fought the rising hysteria and exited the bathroom with shoulders slumped. She stopped short because there stood John, in his new clothes, with a bag of food in his hands. His hair was cut, brutally short, obviously stopping someplace to lob it off. But it looked soft and free of hair care products. And he was still here. John didn't leave. He didn't turn his back on her. New tears formed in her eyes but this time out of happiness. She was sorry she doubted him, and her well-honed instincts, even for a second.

He looked up. "Figured we could use breakfast; hope you don't mind a smorgasbord as I didn't know what you liked. And I got us both some coffee though I'm not sure pregnant women are allowed caffeine. I walked up to the closest diner thinking we deserved better than fast food breakfast." he murmured as he set the bag down on the table along with the cardboard tray filled with two Styrofoam cups of coffee. He removed her gun from the back of his pants and set it on the table before taking his coat off to sling it on the back of the chair. "Sorry I took your gun that you were hiding from me but I wanted something on me just in case I met up with someone that could place me," he stated icily. Clearly she pissed him off for trying to hide her gun from him but she'd take his anger too seriously because he was still here.

"Thank you," she managed around the lump in her throat.

John stared at her but didn't comment on the tears in her eyes. "What, for being here in the morning or for breakfast?" he asked with considerably more warmth to his voice.

"Both," she answered honestly. He didn't respond but rather began unpacking the food for them. Joss took that as a sign of his inability to take gratitude. Pieces of his personality seeped out even though he worked hard on keeping anything remotely personal from surfacing. Joss looked him over from behind and liked the jeans and light sweater outfit as it gave off a more approachable appearance about him. Not to mention he had a killer butt. John was gruff and standoffish, which she was sure was due to the fact that he didn't want to get close to anyone. He was determined to keep a link to the world severed. "Nice haircut," she murmured eyeing it as she moved closer for an inspection. He had a sweet V as it tapered to a point at the back of his neck.

He looked down at her and Joss felt tiny in comparison and wholly feminine while John was all hard male. Heightened awareness crackled, thickening the air between them until he looked away first. "We need to eat fast and get going, checkout is at twelve or we get charged for a new day." he stated tersely. Joss sat down beside him at the same table quietly.

Understanding why they couldn't stay here she ate the heavenly food quickly. She hadn't realized how late in the morning it was as it was already past eleven. John did the same, and neither stopped to talk. The silence was comfortable unlike yesterday. John was the one to break the silence first. "We need to head to East Hampton."

"Why?—I was thinking more along the lines of leaving the state." she said after sipping her coffee. She was restricted to one cup of coffee all day, well really she was restricted from having any other caffeine all day but she'd take it.

John stabbed his fork into his eggs. "I know someone there. He won't ask any questions and he might be able to help us out," he murmured.

"Who?"

"However you ask a lot of questions," John remarked annoyed as he looked up. Joss swallowed hard. Sitting this close to John with his intense blue eyes on her made her insides do the samba. Not to mention that deep in those mesmerizing blue eyes of his held flecks of green that she hadn't seen last night.

Once again heightened awareness emerged as their eyes lingered for a little too long and John's focused gaze became poleaxed before he again shifted them away from her first. Joss found the ability to breathe again as she looked away and grabbed her coffee in shaky hands. Good lord that was some kind of potent feeling. She shot a narrowed look at her belly blaming Taylor for her wonky hormones. She was in the middle of a life and death situation and she was lusting after her frog prince!

Joss set her coffee down to pick up her fork. "Sorry, I'm a detective and former Army interrogator, and can't turn it off, John. Expect questions along the way because they will be plentiful," she muttered in way of explaining her curious nature.

"He's…a friend," John admitted reluctantly, keeping his gaze on his food.

"Does this friend have a name?" she prodded.

"Was there a reason you hid your gun from me? Or does that come with your mistrust of people in general?" he asked, changing the subject on her.

She thinned her lips. Oh, he was good but not better than her. "Well, you were on your way to go take a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge that you weren't going to come back from so I didn't see it wise to announce that I had a weapon," she explained brusquely.

"So you did it with my protection in mind?" he snarled.

Joss realized that he thought she was scared of him. She could have laughed. John was a danger to himself not to her. "Yes," she answered softly.

He seemed to relax a little. He slid the chair back and got to his feet. "We need to leave. Go change and I'll check us out." he ordered. Joss had to swallow back the impish urge to salute him. John was used to giving orders but he'd soon learn that no one ordered her around. He paused at the door to turn to look back at her. "And one other thing; I don't need protecting Joss," he stated, and with that he disappeared out of the motel room and she smirked as she slowly stood.

"Perhaps not, but you are in desperate need of saving and since you are going to try to save me it's only fair I save you," she vowed to herself. With that she turned to change and this time wear matching shoes.

* * *

It was almost noon when they checked out of the motel room. John never did give her the name of his friend, or the true whereabouts of exactly where in East Hampton they were going to. And it wasn't until John strode up to a black sedan, parked out front of the diner that he got their food from, that they walked too, which could get mixed up with other sedans of similar makes, when she realized what he planned to do. Joss gaped as he gave a courtesy glance around before sliding a flat piece of metal, where he got it she had no clue, under the window and immediately unlocked the door without so much of a fuss. As he climbed in to hotwire the car her unbelieving feet began moving.

She grumbled as she tossed their things into the back of the car they were stealing and climbed into the passenger seat unceremoniously and a little out of breath.

"You know this is wrong, right?" she stated tersely.

He smiled as the car's engine turned on. John looked at her. "Sorry, detective, but we only need to borrow it for a little bit. We'll change cars later." he said as he pulled away from the curb.

"Elias will probably get his hands on security feeds or if he has a man on the inside of the police force and they'll see it themselves. You _stole_ a car in broad daylight. They'll be following us sooner rather than later," she muttered.

John shrugged as he drove leisurely like they were on a scenic journey. "There were no security cameras." he said.

Joss looked at his profile in surprise. "There weren't?" she inquired. There usually were one on every street corner and if not then the diner that the car was parked outside of would have had it captured.

"No. I checked when I went to go get us some breakfast this morning. And the waitress that took my 'to-go' order happily explained that their cameras were down and wouldn't be fixed until next week," he explained as if it wasn't an issue.

"Exactly how the hell did you manage to ask about their security cameras in normal conversation?" she demanded incredulously.

He chuckled. "The girl was starved for some male attention so I flirted and flattered her until I got the answers I was looking for. We even got the biscuits for free." he muttered in response. The phone number she gave him was thrown away instantly as he walked back to the motel room.

Joss stared at him. "Care to tell me who exactly you are now? I know you were Special Forces but I get the feeling you were recruited by some government agency with the things you know how to do. Your dexterous ass-kicking skills and intelligence must have made you a top priority with the CIA or FBI. You know how to work people over to get what you want without their knowledge and you use that knowledge to your advantage," she murmured thoughtfully, hoping he'd open up. He didn't though she must have hit close because his hands tightened on the wheel in response.

"It doesn't matter…."

She decided to try again to get some sort of answer from him when she had more leverage to actually get a response. As of now John didn't seem forthcoming and she had no way of forcing him to be.

Joss kept her sidelong gaze on him before saying; "There isn't a word in the English language that rhymes with silver, orange, or purple," proud of her random factoid.

John looked at her briefly in surprise. "Not one?"

"Nope. Bet you can't beat that one!" she gloated.

"We shall see. How about this: nearly 80% of all animals on Earth have six legs." he offered up his.

Joss's brows rose. "Wow. Okay, speaking of animals a giraffe can go without water longer than a camel can."

He responded with; "Reindeer like to eat bananas,"

She snorted. "You're making that up," she accused.

He shook his head as he kept an even speed and navigated them onto the interstate. "Completely true," he assured.

Joss dipped into her useless information reservoir. "Okay, nothing can top this: Mel Blanc, the one that did the Looney Tunes voices…is allergic to carrots," she informed him.

"He can't be, he's Bugs!" John argued. She nodded her head that he was. "Where did you find that out from?" he wondered.

"A magician doesn't reveal his secrets," she responded coyly.

John smirked as he glanced at her and she saw confusion in his eyes before he looked back to the road. "We'll see how many more you have the next round." he murmured, silently waving the white flag of surrender, for now. He needed to concentrate on where they were going as he had been there only once before.

Joss leaned back in her seat and watched the passing scenery while silently contemplating the turn of events from just a day ago to now, and couldn't help but wonder what was next.

* * *

AN: I loved looking up the useless facts that I used in this. It was a blast and something that runs through this story being that John and Joss are both intelligent individuals and I figured they would enjoy learning random knowledge of just about everything.

Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

When they pulled up in front of a black gate she knew they weren't in Kansas anymore. Every place they passed by so far looked like a mansion or a mansion wannabe. The address adorning the stone pillar connected to the black gate was clearly residential; who the hell lived here? And how in the hell did her homeless man know him or her?

Joss glanced at John quickly as he pressed the intercom. "Are you some long loss son of some business mogul or something?" she demanded incredulously.

"No," came the short reply before a male voice came over the intercom asking their business. "Tell Mr. Finch that John is here to see him," John stated, sounding all businesslike.

It was quiet for a few minutes until the gates proceeded to open, on their own, slowly. Joss began feeling a little out of place and apprehensive of going in but John didn't seem to bat an eye. Whoever this 'Mr. Finch' guy was, John figured he would help them. She watched as they drove up the long drive as they passed tons of trees, old ones, the kind that took decades to mature, and were always the most beautiful as they offered beautiful foliage but also aided in seclusion. Clearly whoever the Mr. Finch guy was; he was a recluse and used the old trees as cover. As they drove further down the long spiraling paved drive the trees began thinning out until it opened up to a wide extensive green lawn with a large magnificent white, three-tiered stone fountain in front with water cascading down to pool into a pond. It was huge and welcoming; Joss almost had the sense to go sit on the white stone and just bask there. But it was a little too cool but also a little too inappropriate since this wasn't her home. As John drove closer she noticed the little cherubs under the top tier. And below that on the stem that disappeared into the glorious pond were carved flowers of varying sizes.

After finally being able to draw her gaze away from the beautiful fountain she looked up to see past the bright green lawn and flowers, and saw off in the distance was a luxurious white mansion. It had a red roof, black shutters, two gorgeous pillars bracketing the front door, and what appeared to be two separate garages surrounding the massive home. John pulled to a stop in the alcove behind a Mercedes leaving her to gape at the home in awe.

The mahogany double doors in front, behind the two white pillars, opened up and pretty red-headed woman bounded out with a small dog following in her wake. She was dressed in skintight jeans, a sweater, and a bright smile. Joss blinked because she sure wasn't the 'Mr. Finch' Joss was expecting. Joss climbed out of the car much slower than John did and watched with raised eyebrows as the redhead flung her arms around John the smile never fleeing her face.

"John! It's so good to see you!" she cried happily and the dog yapped with eagerness too.

Joss's eyes flew to John who returned the hug only looking a little uncomfortable at the affection but a smile was slowly growing on his handsome face. Foolish jealousy nipped at her heels that she had no right to feel. But if this woman cared so much about John then why was he on the streets, homeless, and close to killing himself?

The Wendy lookalike stepped back folding her arms across her stomach to keep warm, finally glancing to her, as if only then realizing he had brought a companion with him, and her blue eyes widened as she took in her very pregnant state, before looking back at John. "You are going to be a father? I'm going to be an Aunt!" she squealed and flung her arms around him again in excitement again. "I'm so happy you finally moved on from Jessica and with this beautiful woman too. I knew you'd find happiness I just knew it…"

"Grace," John growled before pushing free of her embrace. "This is Joss, she's in trouble, and the baby isn't mine," he stated darkly, uncomfortably.

Grace's smile faded as she searched John's face before pasting one back on as she looked to Joss. "Hi Joss, I'm Grace; let's head in so we can talk privately with Harold," she murmured, though the smile was a little dimmer than before, and didn't quite reach her sparkling blue eyes.

"Can you have someone pull our car around and hide it?" John asked.

Joss watched as a flash of uncertainly crept into the pretty redhead's eyes before she nodded. "Of course, I'll ask Leon to do it," she agreed before leading them into her home.

Joss walked beside John as they both followed Grace and the little dog into the extravagant home. Joss looked around awestruck by it. "Your home is beautiful," Joss replied after a while as they were led to a sitting room.

Grace smiled easily this time. "It's nice but huge. I think it's a bit much but Harold wanted us to have the security this place offered." she said and a shadow made some of the light her in her blue eyes fade, before she perked up. "I'm an artist and I got my own art studio too, and we have our own greenhouse so we can grow our own fruits and vegetables, so there are some perks."

"Perhaps you and Grace can go look at her artwork in a bit," John suggested, seeing an opportunity to receive much needed space from Joss. He hadn't spent so much time with one woman in such a long time and hadn't spent a night with one in even longer. It unnerved him that he and Joss were going to be spending several more together until this ordeal was over.

Joss immediately knew it was so he could speak to this Harold, alone, without her listening in. And as much as she hated it there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. "Sounds nice," Joss said with fake cheerfulness. Well, maybe it would be beneficial as it would give her the chance to talk to Grace and find out more about John from an unsuspecting source. Two could play cloak and dagger games.

The sound of hard heeled shoes hitting the wood floor at an uneven interval alerted them to another's presence. Grace smiled, John relaxed, and Joss was intrigued as they all looked at the door of the sitting room. In walked a short birdlike man with a larger nose, glasses, and reeked of money. He was wearing beige trousers, a buttoned down blue shirt, and had an open sweater on over it. The man looked like a professor or someone that just got back from the country club. However, he seemed friendly judging by the way he instantly smiled at John and included her in it as he glanced her way.

"Hello," he greeted her first. "I'm Harold Finch."

"Joss Carter," she offered as she tried to stand and he immediately moved close so she didn't have to. He took her hand in a warm shake before looking at John.

"It's nice to see you again, John." he murmured with much more warmth than the polite pleasantry she received. Joss stared expectantly at John to gauge his reaction to his friend.

"Likewise," John said, with no change to his voice, and his expression was shuddered, which gave her absolutely nothing to work with. She watched as John looked to Grace. "How about giving Joss that tour of your art studio?" he suggested.

Joss narrowed her eyes. "Yes, come along Grace, let's go so John can talk to Harold about my situation as though it doesn't pertain to me," she stated snappily.

Harold's lips twitched and amusement lit up in his blue eyes. John's look however wasn't nearly as amused as he glowered in response.

Watching the two try to out-scowl each other with neither backing down was better than watching any sports game, Grace thought. She gave into a small laugh, wondering who was fighting back the urge to stick their tongue out at the other. Grace moved to help Joss stand. "Come along Joss, let's let the men talk, and once they are done they can listen to the women who are smarter than them," she said coyly with a wink to John and Harold.

Joss gave John one last look before following Grace out without another word.

Harold watched the exchange without saying much but he was pleased. In one conversation he had seen more from John than he had ever. He watched his wife leave with the pretty black woman, who walked out with her head held high, and looked to John after the door closed. "Is there a reason you wanted to speak alone?" he murmured gently.

"Yes, I needed a break from her." John grumbled. He needed a break from her infuriating femininity that reminded him that he's still a man. It frustrated and confused him. Just last night, before Joss sat down next to him on that subway train, he was ready to end it. Where was that drive for eternal peace?—in place of it he kept thinking about protecting Joss and her baby. Damn it, he needed a drink but couldn't even do that because he needed his facilities sharp for her, just in case. Tension balled tight in his belly. Maybe he should pick up smoking until this was over.

"Miss Joss seems lovely," Harold murmured, trying to ease the darkening look on his friend's face, unsure of where his thoughts were heading. "Is the baby yours?"

"No." John stated relaxing somewhat now that he was focused on Joss's problem and not on the pregnant woman herself. "And she's in a fair amount of trouble."

"Ah," Harold sounded as he rounded the couch to pour some tea from the Sterling Silver kettle that sat resting on the wooden table in front of him.

John balked at the sound. "What does that mean?" he asked roughly.

"Just that it seems you always manage to help everyone else but yourself, that's all," Harold remarked casually, unperturbed by John's anger. Harold turned after he poured his tea and took a sip of the warm liquid. He smiled at the look on his friend's face.

He lowered himself awkwardly down as he was still healing even years after his incident. John sighed. "I didn't help you or Ingram much," he murmured.

Harold flinched a bit at the mention of Nathan, who was murdered three years ago, by the government, and he would have been too if it wasn't for John. After John spared his life he had also helped fake his death by taking required molars for proof of death to satisfy his superiors that the threat was eliminated. Missing his molars was a small price to pay for his life. The only thing John asked him to do for him was to stay in the shadows. No one could know that he was alive. And so he did. Harold had immediately made a fake identity for him and Grace, his fiancée at the time, now wife, and they lived in this mansion in seclusion. He did all his business by phone or email and lived a life of paranoia. Down beneath his home was where all the real work happened. He hacked into the government agencies without their knowledge to find out everything they didn't want the public to know. Besides that, he had wanted to keep tabs on John, the man who risked everything to save him, and try to help him in any way that he could.

"You helped more than you know," Harold finally said, drawing himself back from his reverie to the topic at hand. "And I'm thankful you finally decided to reach out," trying to keep from being accusatory but he was worried sick, as a father would of a wayward child.

It failed judging by the way John's hackles rose. "I was fine," he said bitterly.

"John, they wanted to kill you," he replied incredulously. Harold wouldn't apologize for being a friend and being worried. During one of his routine hacks into the CIA database he had learned about the plot to retire John. He had immediately called John on an untraceable line, to warn him but John downplayed it. And he hadn't been able to get a hold of his friend in months since, so the fact that John was here, in his home, relieved him.

"And I told you to stop hacking into the CIA," he reminded.

Harold ducked his head a bit. John had, out of protection, but Harold had anonymity with what he had done to make sure no one would ever be able to trace the hack back to him here. The government employed good hackers but he was better. "I'm glad I didn't. If I hadn't then I wouldn't have known about the danger to your life." Harold argued. "Did my warning help any?"

John shrugged. "Kara shot me. But thanks to your heads up I had a suspicion that Snow would go big or go home, so I got out of the building before they blew it up," he said, as if he was no big deal.

"They tried to blow you up!" Harold cried. Not that he mourned the loss of Kara Stanton but John…John was a good man. However the assignment happened in January and it was now mid-April. He needed to understand where John had been these last few months and why he hadn't reached out even knowing that he was worried sick about him. "Where did you go?" he asked. Though, he had a hunch that John learned of Jessica's death which could explain the unbearable pain in the cold blue eyes of his friend. But pain had been shrouding John for a very long time, Harold supposed. The more questions John had asked about the validity of what the agency he worked for the more he realized he had done bad things to good people.

"I patched myself up as much as I could and headed straight back for New York. To get to…" John said and stuttered to a stop.

It was left unspoken but Harold knew the rest of that. 'Back to New York and back to Jessica' but by then Jessica had been murdered by her abusive husband which Peter tried to make look like an accident. Harold had hacked into the morgue's records and saw some discrepancies from what the coroner ruled as cause of death. She had too many other injuries consistent of abuse. So Harold had tried to help John by giving an anonymous tip to police that her death was no accident and after further inspection Peter was arrested for murder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to John.

John didn't like the look on Harold's face as it appeared to be pity. If only Harold knew he had been on his way to kill himself but one beautiful pregnant woman stopped him. "Can we just talk about Joss's problems and not mine?" he demanded.

"Sure," Harold assured easily, not taking offense. John was in mourning and needed a little time to grieve. "So please explain to me Miss Joss's dilemma."

* * *

AN: You'll learn more in the next chapter at how John became friends with Harold and Grace because the lovely ladies have a girl talk after being dismissed, which John will learn to never do again ;D

Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Joss walked with Grace and fell into easy conversation as she was like a breath of fresh air and had a razor sharp sense of humor. Grace took her on a tour of the home rather than just her art studio, however, the artwork she created was breathtaking. After a little bit, as if sensing Joss was tiring, Grace led them outdoors to a secluded and beautiful gazebo. They had an in-ground pool that was still covered. She bet during summer it was a beautiful aquamarine color, much like John's eyes were. She sighed at the thought.

"So how do you know John?" Joss asked, shifting focus on what she wanted to talk about.

Grace smiled knowingly. "He hasn't said much, has he?" she replied. Joss snorted in response. "He doesn't mean to be anti-social but I think it came with his job. Years of privacy it becomes a habit."

"And what job was that?"

Grace leaned back on the wooden swing and set it into motion making them drift back and forth gently. Joss liked the fresh air even though it was still cool out. It was nice to not have to look over her shoulder every second so she could enjoy it a little. "What do you know about John, Joss?" she asked instead of answering her.

"Not much, I actually ran into him at the right time," Joss admitted, though wanting to keep to herself where John was emotionally. She didn't think these people knew John was suicidal. And besides that, she had leverage to force Grace to spill some details on John if she held information that the other woman wanted in return.

Grace looked at her. "How was he? John disappeared for months and we were worried." she asked. Joss simply remained silent and waited. The pretty red head sat forward. "I'll tell you what, Joss, you tell me everything you know and I'll reciprocate. Anything you want to know about John and I'll tell you," she bartered. Joss knew something but was staying quiet. She liked Joss; the woman was smart, didn't let John bully her, beautiful, and was having a child which made her a ready-made family. She was absolutely perfect for him. Only problem was if there was the father or boyfriend in the picture.

Joss smiled. "Deal," she agreed instantly, before the smile faded. "Although I'm not sure if you want to know the state I met him in."

"I do," Grace insisted.

She swallowed hard as she looked at Grace. "He was homeless, drunk, and on his way to kill himself," she said bluntly, not cushioning the short tale whatsoever.

Grace gasped as tears filled her eyes, and her hand settled over her mouth in horror. Joss felt bad as she watched the woman close her eyes as if trying to will away that unpleasant image she just painted. But Grace wanted to know and there was no way Joss could sugarcoat it.

When her eyes reopened they focused but sadness was palpable in them. "What stopped him?" she asked, sounding choked.

"Yours truly, I suppose. I was running away from people trying to find me because my ex decided to double cross a criminal mastermind. John and I met on the subway train, and I guess I piqued his interest, as he talked to me a little, but I recognized the signs. I saw men like John before…men that went through with suicide and he was there, Grace," Joss explained softly. "I tried talking him out of it but didn't think I actually registered so when he got up to leave I decided that I'd follow him to keep it from happening. But we never got to that point because men found me and John protected me from them. Since then we've been on the run together and I don't think he's given himself enough time to think about the darkness looming in him," she admitted. "I'll try my hardest to keep it from overtaking him. I made a promise to myself that if John saves me that I'll save him from himself."

Grace flung her arms around her in a spontaneous hug and Joss stiffened before relaxing in the embrace. Joss hugged her back. "Thank you, oh god, thank you so much, Joss," Grace whispered in her ear.

Joss rubbed the woman's back. "No need to thank me. I like John. He's a bit crusty on the outside but he's got a generous heart underneath," she reassured.

Grace sat back and gave a watery smile, her gaze thoughtful. "How long ago was this?" she asked.

"Just yesterday, though it feels like ten years ago," Joss muttered.

"And you understand John so well, already. Maybe you are exactly what he needs,' she murmured thoughtfully.

"Hold up, if you are matchmaking I think you're barking up the wrong tree. We're definitely not interested; I'm nearly nine months pregnant, waiting for my little man to come. And John…John doesn't have feelings for me, not for a pregnant lady, who has a mess for a life. In fact I don't think he even likes me but rather views me as a nuisance," she said quickly.

Grace didn't believe her. But they were both coming out of terrible situations so she doubted anything would actually happen, which saddened her. Joss really was perfect for John.

"Well you held up your end of the bargain I should do the same," Grace murmured. And as expected, Joss lit up at the prospect of finding out some info on John. Oh yea, not interested eh?—she thought with an inward laugh. "Where to begin?" she wondered.

"From the beginning would be preferable," Joss requested.

"I don't even know the beginning." Grace admitted wryly. "But I know where Harold and I came into John's life."

"Then begin there." Joss said, rather than asked.

"John was a CIA agent sent to murder Harold." she started her story and it was Joss's turn to gasp. "John's not a bad man, Joss, please don't believe otherwise," Grace pleaded earnestly.

Joss sat and didn't respond for a moment. "I don't. I figured that he was CIA from some things I've seen him do but wasn't certain," Joss muttered. "But please, continue, I want to understand."

Grace looked away. "Harold is a very intelligent man of a lot of things but he is absolutely brilliant with computers. He and a friend were working on software that the government decided needed to be ended."

"What kind of software?" Joss asked.

"Honestly, I'm not really too sure. Harold would never speak about it to me. But John and his partner were fed a bogus story that Harold and Nathan were terrorist sympathizers and a threat to national security so they were to be eliminated." The anger was evident in Grace's usual soft voice. "Harold is the sweetest man on the planet and would never betray his country that he loves!"

"He seems very genuine," Joss agreed, though she had only just met the man.

"Harold was shot in the back when he tried to run away from John's partner, Agent Kara Stanton. She shot an unarmed man in the back! Kara Stanton is a monster…but not John." Grace's hard voice turned soft the moment she brought the story back to John. "He saved Harold when Nathan and Harold had decided to split up, hoping one or both made it, and when they did John followed Harold, but not to kill him but to save him. John had begun questioning the information he was told about his assignments which included Harold and Nathan. So when John caught up to Harold, he saved him because John said that he knew what traitors looked like and Harold wasn't one of them," Grace explained.

Joss nodded. "What happened to this man, Nathan?" she asked, though having a guess.

The look on Grace's face said it all. "Gunned down, and left to rot. Kara Stanton didn't care that things didn't add up. Orders were orders. John had a heart. Had a working brain and figured it out! Thankfully too, or I wouldn't have Harold in my life. But John, loaded with some of Harold's molars for his superiors, faked my husband's death and no one ever looked for him again, in the eyes of the world he was dead. Now Harold is left with terrible pain, a bullet lying against his spine, and survivor's guilt," she said sounding still very angry.

"Good thing he has you, survivor's guilt is not something easy to live with," Joss murmured.

"Sounds like you know…."

Joss looked Grace in the eyes. "I do," she agreed steadily.

Grace wanted to know more there but didn't have the nerve to ask this woman. Instead she focused on what else Joss mentioned. "I'd move to Mongolia and live in a hut to be with Harold if I had to. He is the love of my life," she responded heartfelt.

Joss felt a cut to her heart. She had thought she had love like that but it turned out to be fool's gold. Pushing her pain aside since it did nothing anyways she said; "Thank you for sharing with me that painful tale." Though it still didn't explain how they became so close. The way Grace hugged John it looked like she loved him like a brother of sorts.

Grace smiled gently. "But you're wondering how did we manage to become so close after that, aren't you?"

Joss returned the smile. "Kind of, not many would befriend the man that was sent to murder them or their loved one even if he let him go," she admitted.

"It was a long journey to friendship from both sides. John's a hard man to get to know because he doesn't let anyone close. And in John's mind everyone he meets has an angle; no one does anything out of the goodness of their heart. I'm sure you know how agents in the CIA collect information."

Joss nodded. "They manipulate, coerce, and bribe people," she murmured. "I'm sure John used people's pasts against them to force their compliance as much as he paid them off in money, drugs, materials, or whatever else they desired for the information they had to get to a target."

Grace smiled wanly. "Yes. And to John my husband was an important new informant. None of his informants were hackers, which could prove useful to John," she murmured.

"Let me guess he used the fact that he faked Harold's death as a means to force compliance." Joss guessed, though it wasn't really all that hard to figure out.

Grace nodded. "Yes. He kept it very cold. John reminded Harold of their roles and the power that he wielded over him. And that made it very hard for me to trust John to keep his word that Harold was alive to himself," she explained.

"So what changed?" Joss asked.

"Harold proved to John that he had no angle," she said softly. "Harold began hacking into the CIA's database to learn what new case John would be working on and call him up before John would, and offer some information that could prove useful to him without being asked. John was unhappy at first and told him to stop."

"Ah, John didn't want Harold to tip the scales in his favor and make them more on an equal footing," Joss correctly theorized.

"That and I think John wanted to protect Harold too. But my husband didn't heed his request and continued to help without being asked for it. Before long Harold was doing more and more, and John thawed a little and stopped reminding him of their roles. And with that I thawed to John." Grace admitted.

"So what happened to make you three close?"

"During a mission John was kidnapped and tortured for information but John would never break. They would have to kill him before he ever gave up information which just proved to me that he'd never give up Harold's existence. My husband had been petrified when he hacked into John's comm that he used to communicate with Kara and his handler to learn the conditions he was under. I think it was during that time that Harold showed John that he was helping him because he wanted to not because he had too."

"What happened?" Joss asked impatient now.

"John always wore a watch that had a GPS chip in it for the CIA to track him and the men holding him never removed it so Harold had a means to find John. So when he pinpointed John's location he hacked into the CIA and learned their plans of extracting John, but they needed to get someone on the inside to help John escape which would have taken too long, and John would have been dead before rescue. So Harold ladened with information on the compound that John was being held at, hacked back into the comm again and offered John useful information on how to escape the compound. I don't even want to know how John got out of his restraints or what happened to the man overseeing his door but John listened to where Harold told him where there was a hidden passage underground and escaped that way with his life," Grace said and stuttered to a stop.

"Wow!" Joss replied, impressed.

"And the rest you could say is history as we navigated through our mistrust of each other and found real friendship."

Joss sat there and digested what she said. It was a very unique way to friendship but not all roads were easy. And it made their bond strong. It also made her understand John a little better. But she wanted to steer the conversation onto this 'Jessica' that Grace mentioned earlier that had a powerful effect on John. She suspected it was that 'Jessica' who was the one he lost and was ready to throw his life away for.

"Tell me about this Jessica you mentioned. John is suicidal and told me he lost his connection to the world so I am assuming it's this woman," Joss commanded gently as she could. If she stood any chance at helping John she needed to understand his prior relationship with this woman.

Judging from Grace's look she didn't seem to hold the woman in the same esteem as John did. "Jessica was the woman that John had a relationship with for about six months before he ended things with her. They were together and had broken up long before we ever met John. We only learned anything about her after John made the mistake of mentioning her and Harold dug up everything he could on her. Jessica moved on and married, had what appeared to be a picturesque life."

Joss blinked her eyes in surprise. John carried a torch for a woman who moved on with ease? That suggested that the feelings weren't nearly as mutual as she originally anticipated.

"By then we were good friends so I wanted to go see this woman that made John so sad. I went to New Rochelle and conveniently ran into her. I was engaged to Harold and worked our conversation to be about past loves and Jessica dismissed John. Said all her past relationships didn't last long and weren't meaningful." Grace stated.

"She could have lied…"

Grace shook her head. "No. My father was a drunk and lied so many times that I learned to detect a lie. Jessica didn't love John. And that's why it makes me mad to think that he still uses her as a way to keep from moving on because she didn't love him even a little. I never told John what she said because I couldn't bear to further break his already broken heart."

"What happened to Jessica?" Joss asked.

She sighed. "Apparently her husband wasn't a very good man because a couple months ago she was murdered by him. John was gone for some assignment for the CIA and we lost contact with him after that. We were worried about him."

Joss sat on the wooden swing with Grace falling into silence. So John was mourning a dead ex-girlfriend who he never got over because he had been away on assignment when she got murdered. "Thank you for telling me what you know. The rest I'll extract from him." she assured.

Grace returned the smile. "I suspect you will, Joss," she agreed before standing. "Perhaps it's time we made our way back to John and Harold. The men folk have been left alone long enough and now it's time to show them who really is in charge."

They did just that and when they entered the sitting room John was pacing the room looking like a caged animal, and Harold was content sitting. He smiled upon seeing his wife and Joss entering the room. "Grace, and Miss Joss," he spoke warmly.

"Just Joss please," she retorted, wanting him to drop the 'Miss' forever.

John stopped his restless pacing and looked at her. She grinned at him, and her grin grew as his expression turned wary. He knew now asking her to leave with Grace was a mistake. "You two have been gone awhile," John accused.

"Oh, you know John, girl talk," Grace answered wryly.

He didn't look convinced but Joss didn't give him a chance to question further. "So what plan did the two big strong men make for the little woman?" Joss demanded scathingly.

Harold's lips twitched up into a smile. "We did not make any plan, Joss, but rather John and I were catching up before he merely explained your situation to me. And then you and Grace came back," he assured her honestly.

Joss cocked a brow up in disbelief. John made a face. "No plan, Joss. I don't ever leave out a partner in a plan," he muttered. "Your gender makes no difference to me. You are my equal and we are in this together, that is until the threat to you is over, and I can go on with my life," he stated roughly, as if she was taking him away from something pressing. But the more Joss understood John the more she knew he had a big loud bark meant to scare people off before they got too close.

"Then why did you…"

"Because I needed a break from you; you lied, you snore! It kept me up all night," he stated angrily, as if she attacked his integrity, and so he wanted to say something to anger her in turn. But she just felt relieved because not many alpha males like John would ever consider her an equal. He was truly a modern marvel.

"Thank you, John," she said sincerely. "I thought you were making all the decisions for me and I appreciate that we are sharing in it."

He grunted in response. "Now that you ladies adorned us with your presence how about we get on with a plan?" John suggested gruffly as he simmered down. "I suggested we should come here because I knew we could take our time to figure out where to take you."

"Why not stay here?" Grace offered. John and Joss both instantly declined. "And why not?—it's not as if we don't have the room to put you both up."

"No offense but I feel out of place. Also, and more importantly, I couldn't live with myself on bringing danger to your sanctuary," Joss murmured. "We probably shouldn't have even come. No one has been able to put a face to the name of Carl Elias, so we could have run across him in the street and didn't know it."

Harold looked between John and Joss, it appeared both were equally stubborn, and he sensed pushing them would serve only to make both dig their heels in more. And he had a better idea. Forcing John to spend alone time with Joss would surely have the effect on John that he was after.

"Actually, sweetheart, I think Mr. Reese and Joss are correct." Harold said slowly. Anger flared in his wife's eyes before she tilted her chin up, turned, and left the room. He sighed, knowing Grace was just worried, and he was in for the very lengthy discussion later.

Joss perked up at the first time of hearing John's last name and filed the name away in her personal memory bank for further exploration at a later time.

"But I do have a suggestion, if you both would like to hear it," he continued.

"Suggest away," Joss said.

Harold smiled. "I have an apartment in Manhattan that I use from time to time just whenever Grace and I take in a Broadway show and do not wish to travel home. It's fully stocked and has security detail so no one unsavory should be allowed in. Perhaps, hiding in plain sight would work wonders as I'm sure Carl Elias is having people searching for you in the surrounding states," he said in a pleasant tone.

"I don't think…" John began the denial.

"It's two bedrooms and two bathrooms with plenty of enough room for two co-inhabitants. And it's being rented under another name that's not associated with this one. I've been extremely careful, John, and I wouldn't offer it as a possible solution if I was worried it could be in any way traced back to me," Harold replied patiently.

Joss eyed Harold. "Just how many identities do you have?" she asked, she understood the need for the secrecy with what Grace explained happened to him, but it sounded past simple paranoia.

"Many," Harold answered vaguely. "I can set everything up now if you just give me the okay that you'll stay there."

John looked to Joss. It beat out roaming from one motel to another, and saved him from stealing enough money to foot motel bills, and it also limited her outside exposure. They shared a look and when she seemed to sense he was on board she curtly nodded. John looked back to Harold. "Alright, staying there would give us a chance to hide in plain sight while they are searching in other states until we can figure something else out."

"I could even spoof a credit card transaction by Joss in Connecticut to lure Elias away for a little while if you'd like," Harold added. Joss nearly spoke up but Harold continued; "Stay for lunch. I'll get to work on some cover identities and other necessities for the both of you. I assume you stole the car you drove here in."

"I did." John answered with a shrug. "We'll dispose of it after we wipe it clean of our prints."

"Yes, dead men can't drive." Harold agreed and that caught Joss's attention.

"Excuse me," she demanded.

Harold appeared startled as if he thought she knew something she didn't and John just looked angered. "I-I just meant that John is an invisible entity helping you, so if we don't wipe your prints down Elias will know who John is and he loses his anonymity," Harold said hurriedly.

Joss cocked a brow up. Did either man really think she would believe that pile of garbage? Harold was an even worse liar than John was. Yes, John was an invisible entity helping her and in all intents and purposes just a mere homeless man. But Harold said 'dead men' that implied to the world John was dead and she damned well wanted to know what the hell that meant. But there was no way she was going to be able to extract the truth from Harold with John looming around. Besides she wanted it from the man himself.

"Lunch sounds good," Joss said, letting it drop though reluctantly. As they followed Harold out of the sitting room she sidled up beside John. Her eyes were on the peculiar man in front of them but thoughts strictly on the one beside her. "John," she whispered. He bent his head down a little so she could speak quietly to keep it between them. "Just so you know I don't believe a damn word that Harold said. You're going to explain that 'dead man' comment sooner rather than later," she promised.

John didn't say a word but as he straightened she noticed a smirk on his face.

* * *

AN: Well, Harold is sleeping on the couch tonight ;D I wanted to keep Harold still a peculiar and paranoid man as he was on the show because it was a part of his endearing self.

Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: It's been a long week. This was to be posted Monday but maybe I'll post tomorrow too :)**_

* * *

After lunch they had packed up the rental car under John's assumed name of John Warren, that of which had perfect credit, a good job on Wall Street, and a very small social media following. Harold was very thorough in the creation of the alias. Hers was as equally thorough. They both received burner phones, on John's he received some extra apps that weren't included on hers, stuff to force-pair with people's phones illegally, and that were also untraceable so they could use it without worry of being found. Joss was glad since she had a few people she desperately needed to get a call out too. John had left with Leon, Harold's driver, to go dump the stolen car in a deserted parking lot and wiped clean of prints from both of them. Once that was done they could get on the road to their new home for the foreseeable future. They had headed to the Manhattan apartment after Harold had given permission to the security detail to let them in explaining that they would be staying there to 'house sit' for him.

The ride was quiet and uneventful. And once they approached the upscale Manhattan apartment she suddenly realized that their new accommodations were going to be anything but normal. The doorman was pleasant and welcoming as that any friends of Harold and Grace were friends of his. Even the security detail was welcoming. It seemed that Harold and Grace made friends everywhere they went.

John unlocked the apartment for them and pushed the door open for her to enter first. She whistled as she did. Joss looked around the apartment. "This beats out my brownstone and it's a darn apartment that your friends use only whenever they leave the sanctuary of their fortress," she murmured dreamily as she looked around the place. Cathedral ceilings, gourmet kitchen, bathrooms to die for, and just an overall homey feel; everything she wanted in her place if only she could pay for all the upgrades.

John didn't view it the same way she did. All he saw was four walls and furnishings. He took her bags into the master bedroom and set them on the bed. He had already flung his few sets of clothes in the guest room as she took the tour. As he exited he saw her sliding her coat off and his eyes settled on her belly where her son was. There was something altogether poignant of a pregnancy. And there was something about Joss.

Suddenly he needed fresh air and to do something that made it so all Joss needed to worry about was giving birth to her son. Without looking at her he said; "I'm going to go out and get us much needed hardware. If Elias finds us I want us to have a way to defend ourselves other than your one piece," he told her as he moved to walk to the door.

"Wait!" she called out as she struggled to move with the quickness to stop him from vanishing. Knowing who he is, he could disappear with relative ease as he spent years learning how to be the shadows. John stopped at the door to eye her expectantly. "I could come—"

"No." he stated forcefully.

She thinned her lips knowing why, and intellectually she understood, but her pride was making it tough on her. "I can't just sit on my ass."

"Yes you can and will," he ordered. "The whole purpose of coming here was to protect you and you're going to do it."

Anger welled up in her. "I'm not a prisoner here am I, John?" she snarled.

He stepped toward her and his eyes were hard as steel and cold as ice, so why did she feel so damn warm under his intent gaze. "You are not coming with me, Joss. Elias and his men, and every two-bit criminal, knows just what you look like and we haven't a clue as to what they do. They could be standing next to you on the street and we wouldn't know. You're pregnant and you can't move fast, you're a sitting duck, and I'm not letting you or your baby get hurt if that means I have to tie you down to the bed," he offered with faux politeness.

Joss inwardly gaped at how her body responded to the mere image of John tying her down to a bed but instead of leaving her…her mind rather liked the idea of him staying. Good lord, it was uncivilized but for some damn reason it was arousing. She shook off the steamy—and unwanted—image. "Well if you won't let me come at least let me help." she muttered, before turning to move to her things in the master bedroom.

He didn't say anything as she disappeared. John waited impatiently near the door for Joss to come back. And when she did, she held her gun with her. "Here take this with you. That way if somehow someone manages to make you you'll have some protection," she explained as she offered it to him, even though every part of her thought giving a man who was previously suicidal a gun was a very bad idea. But she trusted him not to eat it. She trusted that he wouldn't strand her without protection which gave her enough time to save him from himself.

"I don't need it." he stated impatiently. "I rather you keep it, that way if someone recognized you as we came in you have means to protect yourself." And with that he slipped out the door and disappeared.

Joss locked the door behind him and leaned up against it. She was glad he left because she needed a break from his intensity and his insane sex appeal. "You're a tub, there's no way he can be half as attracted to me as I am to him," she muttered to herself. She looked down at her belly. "Hey kiddo, stop messing with mommy's hormones, she needs this guy's help," she grumbled. When she received a kick from her favorite little man she knew her kid was going to have a wicked sense of humor.

* * *

John walked the streets of New York quietly. What a simple haircut and change of clothes did that made him suddenly not unworthy to look at or speak too. He curled his lip in a snarl as a brunette smiled at him. Just a few minutes prior a blond woman had said hello to him as they waited to cross the street together. He bet if both women walked by him previously, as a homeless man, both probably would have looked right through him, maybe even stepping away from him. People, men and women alike, were materialistic and superficial. Well, most people, because Joss wasn't. She had talked to him even learning he was a homeless man and even wanted to help. She had even touched him which had shocked him nearly as much as how soft her skin felt on his.

Instead of thinking about her loveliness he forced his thoughts on protecting her. And he knew just where to go to get the hardware they needed. He needed Anton O'Mara, who he had a run in with a couple months ago, he and his friends thought they owned the subway and proceeded to be a general nuisance. But they were inept and John could use their stupidity to his advantage. They had a dealer who ran guns but he needed to know exactly where and when. And he knew just who he could ask for those much needed answers.

After stopping at the closest liquor store and armed with a pack of Marlboro and a bag of Doritos he headed to the encampment where he used to stay. John smiled as he saw Joan sitting alone with her cart nearby. But he didn't head towards her but rather Roland, who sat in the corner, all by himself because he habitually talked to someone that no one could see. Most thought he was crazy but John saw a man who saw too much and hallucinated a lot of his past. And because everyone thought he was weird and harmless he saw a lot of the underbelly of New York.

John sat down beside him and held out the peace offering that would always get Roland to talk: his pack of cigarettes and bag of Doritos. "Here," he murmured. Roland stirred from his intense conversation with the air beside him to look to John and then what he held. The man's face lit up as he went to snatch them from him. John moving quick, held the Malboro back but gave him the Doritos. "You get the cigarettes when you give me the information," John said.

"What do you want to know?" he asked.

"I need to know where Anton O'Mara goes to buy his guns," John answered dryly.

Roland smiled giddily as he tore open into the Doritos bag and stuffed four into his mouth at once. John didn't say a word as he waited for him to finish. "Since you brought good stuff I can tell you. It's a bodega in Midtown."

"Where in Midtown exactly?" John pressed.

Roland eyed the pack of cigarettes fondly. "It is the bodega on the corner of West 43rd Street and 6th Avenue. In the front it's a nice market but in the back…holds its secrets."

John smiled, giving him the cigarettes. "Thank you, Roland," he murmured as he stood. And when he did he searched for Joan again, the woman who took such great care of him. He gave her one last long stare before turning to leave. He had some important shopping to do at the bodega. Thankfully it wouldn't take too long to get there.

About twenty-five minutes later, due to traffic and caution by nature, John arrived at the specified bodega. Roland was right, it looked like a normal market. But it was anything but normal as he saw Anton and some of his buddies entering. Well now, this was going to be interesting. John smiled as he entered shortly after them and took a look around. He made a slow progression to the back as he made sure no one was watching him.

As he approached the backroom he could hear a conversation and listened in;

" _What about this one, pop?"_

" _Are you planning on buying that one?"_

" _I'm just showing—"_

 _The other voice interrupted, "Put it back on the table."_

"Have you guys seen the men's room?" John asked innocently enough as he appeared in the doorframe of the backroom. Being deceptively curious could buy him enough time to do a quick profile on everyone in the room. As they stood dumbfounded at him he saw that there were seven of them all gathered around a table of an assortment of guns that ranged from hand held to grenade launchers.

John eyed Anton. "Hey Anton, it's good to see you again," he said knowing that he wouldn't be able to place him. They hadn't really met. As usual John was looked through as a homeless man.

The man in the back that looked like an older version of Anton asked, "Do you know this guy?"

And, as expected, Anton shook his head unable to place him. John let his eyes fall away from his unsuspecting prey to the guns he was about to steal. "That's some pretty serious equipment. Have you guys taken…" he began as he moved toward the table to see how many were packing.

John didn't react other than lifting his hands up a little as everyone in the room produced a gun and aimed his way. One in particular was holding his sideways and John immediately felt let down that this was going to be child's play.

John stared at the boy to his left, the one holding the gun sideways, and decided to teach them a thing or two before he stole their guns. "Take you for instance," he started, nodding towards the kid who eyed him warily. "You're holding that thing sideways; you can't aim and it will eject a shell casing right into your face." he stated, seeing the gun waver just a little. "See!" John lunged for the kid's hand, and fired, and sure enough the casing went right into his face.

He held firmly to the kid's elbow and hand as he proceeded to force the kid to fire at his companions first going for the right and kneecapped the closest to him before instantly shifting to the left to shoot the man that could get close to him, before methodically shooting everyone in the room before they could react. John whipped the boy around who was stunned and pushed him back to shoot him in the knee and watched as the boy fell to the ground in a whimpering mess. Everyone else was writhing on the ground moaning as John turned slowly with the gun still drawn, and with one bullet left, and Anton stood shocked with hands up.

John stared at him making sure he didn't do anything stupid as he settled the gun at the back of his pants. He grabbed the duffel bag while Anton stood there, as the lone man standing, simply watching him collect their guns they were to buy into the bag.

He eyed Anton expectantly. "I'm going to hold onto these while you guys get more practice." he explained before zipping the bag up, as the table was clear of everything. "Have a nice day." he stated before turning to leave. Smirking as he heard someone in the room ask who the hell he was.

* * *

Joss was pacing anxiously by the time John got back. It was tough to learn to trust a man she didn't know and who didn't seem to want the trust. Her eyes widened as he came in with a duffel bag full of guns and clips.

"Geez what did you do rob a gun store?" she muttered as he set it down and she rifled through it to eye the hardware. Joss picked up the Sig Sauer P226 and admired it. "Good stuff but no doubt stolen."

He smiled as she touched the guns as if they were precious gems rather than firearms. "I stole them from the people who didn't know how to use them correctly. It was public service," he commented, a smirk creeping on his face.

She looked at him and sighed. Of course John found a criminal to rob which meant he would have to be careful to show his face now. Joss rummaged in the bag and her brows lifted as she came across a grenade launcher. "Just who the hell were these people?" she demanded.

"Have you ever heard of Anton O'Mara?"

"Him?! Of course I've heard of him. He and his father buy guns to resell them at a higher price and a few of them have come up in my investigations," she growled. "I could never get enough evidence to put them away in jail for long."

John shrugged. "They have been decommissioned, for the time being anyway,"he explained

"How exactly?" she demanded.

"I shot his father and his friends in the kneecaps or shoulders," sounding as if it was no big deal. "I'm sure the only place they'll be heading to is physical therapy."

Joss stared at John incredulously. She knew the entourage that Anton hung with. If he didn't have at least five or six people with him there wasn't one. "Are you ready to tell me who you are?" she asked quietly. John ignored her. He instead headed for the kitchen, needing something to drink, preferably alcoholic, and when he opened the refrigerator he grimaced when all he saw was tea, milk, and some Chardonnay. Joss followed him and wasn't ready to drop it. "Come on John, you just stole guns from people that the police couldn't touch. I know Anton, he surrounds himself with people because the kid can't stand being alone."

He slammed the refrigerator door shut and whirled on her. "Shouldn't you know; I assume that's what you and Grace talked about?"

"Maybe I just want to hear it from you," she suggested, annoyed with him.

John stared at her. A part of him didn't want to tell her. He kind of liked the fact that she talked to him like a normal guy. But the other part, the part that wanted her to fear him, and back off took precedence. "Alright, I'll tell you. I was a CIA agent, recruited into a special task force because I did so well on my exams. But it wasn't the only reason I was recruited into that special division but because I had no family. No ties and if something happened to me, no one to mourn my demise. I excelled at hand to hand combat and understood how situations were to be handled, and I had a high proficiency in weapons of all kinds thanks to my Special Forces days. I killed my targets as quickly as possible and it never bothered me much," he stated, devoid of any emotion, as if he was reciting a dictionary from front to cover.

He paused only for a moment. "I began asking questions about the legitimacy of the orders and my superiors didn't want to answer them. More than a few of our targets were claimed to be terrorists or terrorist sympathizers and the intel was weak. So instead of backing off as they wanted and be the perfect lap dog I began investigating them quietly to learn that Mark Snow, my handler, was selling government secrets to China. My knowledge of his misdeeds and questions made me a liability and I was tagged to be retired."

Joss swallowed hard as he recounted this with so little emotion. "How did this Snow guy find out you knew?" she asked quietly. 'Dead men don't drive' so that meant the CIA crooks had carried out a plot to murder him and thought they succeeded.

John laughed humorlessly. "I made the fatal mistake of trusting my partner, Kara Stanton," he answered coldly. Was there anyone in the CIA that was on the up and up, she wondered. "I told her my suspicions and the next thing I know we are reassigned and told to go to Ordos China to pick up a stolen laptop that held confidential information."

"Did that really happen or was this an elaborate lie to have you off of American soil so they could enact their heinous crime?" Joss snarled. From knowing what Kara did to Harold's friend to now knowing she double crossed John, Kara Stanton had no soul.

"It really happened. Apparently the male Senator was receiving head from a Chinese man to only be found by photogs, and didn't notice that the Chinese man ran off with his laptop case that held government files during a very public embarrassment." John explained. Joss's eyes widened. Oh, she heard about Republican Senator Hills! That had been a scandal of epic proportions. But it was never announced about a laptop holding key government files being stolen, which would have made it an international scandal. "After I received my new assignment was when I got an urgent call from Harold, who hacked into agency with frequency. He didn't want me to go because it was a setup."

"And you still went!"

"Joss, I couldn't let anyone have that laptop. There were genuine confidential secrets that if they fell into the wrong hands could have a lasting impact on our country's safety. I had to go no matter if it was a setup or not," he defended himself with irritation. It was just how Harold had reacted when he said he was still going. "Retrieving the laptop was painfully easy which would have raised my suspicions had I not already known it was a setup. Kara hadn't batted an eye at the dozens of dead Chinese men nor did she seem to find the fact that the laptop was left after the carnage as suspect."

"What happened?" she asked, though dreading it.

"She shot me in the abdomen, not wanting a kill shot, not at first," he uttered quietly and she flinched. "Kara was loyal to the CIA but more so to Snow."

"Why?"

"They were lovers," John said with a shrug.

Joss stared at John. Mark Snow, his handler, and Kara Stanton, his partner, were lovers and they tried to kill him because he found out that Snow was a treasonous bastard. "You're here now…how did you escape with your life?" she asked, truly in need to know how this exceptional man made it out of a cluster-fuck like that, alive.

John half smiled. "Because Mark Snow is every bit of the betraying treasonous bastard I thought he was. And apparently it was more one-sided in his love affair with Stanton, the moment Kara shot me it was a signal for a separate team waiting with a missile to blow up the compound that we were in with the laptop."

"Oh my god," Joss whispered.

"As I leaned up against the wall listening to Kara tell me how they won; I acted on impulse and got the hell out of the compound, just as the jet came closer. Kara had been too shocked that she was burned by Snow to even amount an attempt at escape. I looked back at the compound just as it exploded."

Joss stood still and listened as he described his life in the CIA and his own 'death'. No wonder the guy was suicidal. His country, who he sold his soul for, tried to murder him because he questioned their authority. But he survived, made his way back to only find out the woman he was basically living for was murdered. Talk about a brutal blow.

"And you made your way back after surviving all that to only learn the woman you loved and left behind was dead," she whispered in despair and shock. Joss wished the words back almost instantly as he looked physically struck and anger erupted in his eyes.

"Just what did you and Grace talk about?" he asked coldly.

Joss lifted her chin, not about to be intimidated by him. She did the intimidating. "Well you wouldn't tell me anything and she offered me information as long as I gave some in return," she said defiantly.

The look of anger remained but he didn't speak a word as he brushed past and left her watching him and wondering when she could find out the rest to complete the puzzle that was John Reese.

* * *

AN: I loved that scene from the pilot so I had to include it in my story. As you can see I twist and turn everything in POIverse to fit my needs :)


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: Saturday turned to be a little busier than today so I decided to post this one now :) Hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

John thawed as the night wore on. Especially when she subjected him to a random trivia quiz again and his knowledge of a little bit of everything was on par with hers. His intellect stimulated hers as much as his good looks appealed to her. Too bad she was a blimp and he was hung up on his dead ex-girlfriend or they could have tried a date or two out. That and if she wasn't on the run from a criminal mastermind who wanted to use her as a way to lure out her estranged husband.

Apparently John wasn't too used to being indoors as he stalked around the apartment just as he had in the motel room. That or he was in need of alcohol.

She looked at him as he stood up after watching some mindless television with her and moved restlessly to the window. "Is it bad?" she asked quietly.

"Is what bad?"

"The alcohol withdrawal; is it bad?" she clarified.

He looked at her abruptly. "No, not really, I wasn't drinking because I had to," he stated flatly.

"You were drinking because you wanted the alcohol to numb you from what you were feeling."

He didn't respond because he needn't as they both knew the answer to that.

It was time dinner should be made and she wiggled to get up from the plush, and extremely comfortable, couch. He watched her and frowned. "Why are you getting up?" he asked.

She huffed. The way he asked it, you'd think she was doing something unthinkable. "It's almost dinner time and you have already done so much with taking me to Harold, getting us this place to stay for a little while, and getting us an artillery though you've been extremely sketchy on the means of the last one. It's only fair that I am the one to make dinner," she explained reasonably.

"I'll make dinner," he countered.

Joss stopped her wiggling in surprise. "You can cook?" she asked, not bothering to conceal her astonishment.

A ghost of a smile tilted his lips up. "I'm a single man. Eating out all the time wasn't appealing so I picked up a thing or two over my travels. I'm no Paula Deen but I do okay," he replied amused.

Joss slowly gave him a perusal. He was _definitely_ no Paula Deen! "Does it taste good?" she inquired, tempted to let him cook just to taste it.

His tiny smile grew into a real genuine one and Joss was struck by the beautifulness of it. His whole face transformed and he looked so carefree, young, and virile.

"I guess we will see if it tastes good or not," he murmured, trying not to gloat.

"What can you cook?" she asked, wondering if his meals were limited to simple dishes.

He shrugged. "It depends on what Harold has on hand for us," he muttered. "Sit tight and I'll get started."

Unable to do as he suggested Joss got to her feet and followed him into the kitchen. John was rummaging around looking in the pantry, refrigerator, and turned when he heard her. She met his gaze. "I just can't sit while you're making us dinner. Give me something to do," she insisted. Joss would slowly go insane if she had nothing to do.

John nodded as he pulled out ingredients to make a salad for a side dish. "Here you can cut and make our salad."

"Our salad is going with what?" she asked trying to draw it out of him, hating surprises.

He looked at her and grinned making her knees a little weak but she resolutely attributed the weak feeling to hunger pangs in her stomach. "You'll see," John answered being purposely vague.

"Or you can tell me now. I might not like what you'll make," she pointed out.

"Seeing that you're pregnant and eating for two I doubt what I'll make isn't something you could find enjoyment in," he argued back, teasing at the same time.

Joss frowned. "I know my excuse but what were you, the captain of your debate team?" she demanded, though enjoying the verbal sparring match. She hadn't had anything to enjoy in a while.

He didn't respond nor did his smile slip from his face. Joss proceeded to cut the lettuce and kale up while discreetly watching him pull out chicken from the freezer. But chicken could be made into anything. He put it in the microwave to nuke it and she watched as he pulled out more and more ingredients that made less and less sense.

Joss performed her task of making their salad with ease before moving onto the new task she gave herself: to set the table, which was done after finding the right cabinet and drawers for the plates and silverware. She poured them each a glass of Ginger Ale which was on hand. She couldn't wait until Taylor came so she could drink more than one measly cup of coffee as her motor ran off of the delicious bitter brew.

As he prepped and prepared she realized he was making a handmade sauce. "We're having chicken parmesan," she stated rather than asked. He nodded. "With homemade sauce," she added in admiration. She never had homemade sauce for anything before.

"Yes…."

"Oh now you're just spoiling me but who am I to argue with it."

The smile earlier filled his face again but he didn't respond. Joss found some bread and after a good hour or so, her stomach growling embarrassingly so, they were finally ready to eat. Joss shoveled her fork full of food into her mouth and moaned.

"This beats out _Presto_ and _Ragu_ any day of the week," she murmured after swallowing the delicious chicken and sauce.

They ate in amicable silence. She wanted to dig in and learn more about John but she had the uncanny ability of knowing when to push for more and when not to, and right now it was filed under 'not to'. Especially since she didn't want to ruin the meal he made so she just ate quietly.

After dinner was done and she insisted on cleaning up the table which was met with resistance, you'd think she was the first woman to ever be pregnant in the whole world, but after dishes they retired in the spacious living room to enjoy a little basketball. It was lopsided and she began to tire. Perhaps it was time to make a couple calls because she didn't want her mom or Lionel worrying about her, which they probably were.

"I'm going to make a couple calls and then turn in early for the evening." she said gently.

John looked away from the screen. "You don't owe me an explanation Joss. And I don't need your company."

Joss narrowed her eyes on him. He sounded stiff which was completely different from the way he was just a few minutes ago. He wasn't very talkative but she attributed that with what she knew about him. But when he did talk he had interesting things to say and she wanted to get him to open up a little more. So during their baseball game something crawled up inside John's ass. And she suspected she knew what. John seemed, to her, at least, drawing inward. She could almost feel it as they sat next to each other on the comfortable couch. Freeze everyone out; let the darkness looming around you in as your only companion, so you never feel again. And never hurt again.

She simply said; "Goodnight, John, I'll see you in the morning." Joss would lull him into a sense of complacency and then hit him when he wasn't ready for it.

After several moments he responded with a soft 'goodnight' in return. Joss wiggled up and moved towards the glorious master bedroom. She kind of felt weird taking someone else's bed as she was but this would be a much better bed to sleep in than that lumpy motel bed. Leaving the door open just in case she wanted to get a late night snack and a glass of milk she sat down in the middle of the bed, after changing into her jammies, with her new burner phone.

First she called her mom and got an earful. Joss felt all kinds of guilt for not calling her sooner, for making her worry, and for lying about why she was on a different phone. But it was feasible that she lost her phone and a friend was loaning theirs to her for the time being. This was her first grandchild and probably only grandchild so she was about as nervous as Joss was. Asking to make sure no one unsavory or Paul had come to visit her was difficult without alerting her momma to her problem. Joss didn't want her mom upset. Her health wasn't that great and worrying about her would only serve to raise her blood pressure even more.

Then she called Fusco. "Where the hell have you been, Carter?" he demanded the immediate moment he knew who called.

"I'll call in tomorrow. Did you tell the captain I was out working on a case today?" she asked quietly, praying he covered for her. She had no means of calling into work or asking for personal leave. Involving the precinct at this time would only serve to cause more problems since she didn't know who was in Elias's back pocket.

"Yes, but, what the hell is going on?! It's not like you to not come into work and I went by your place this morning and it was trashed." Lionel asked, concern made his usual sarcastic humor she enjoyed disappear.

Joss leaned against the pillows rubbing her stomach absently as she talked. "Did you tell anyone?" she asked instead of explaining.

"No, I wanted too, but I didn't want to worry anyone if your deadbeat ex came by and trashed your place. I know you think no one likes you but everyone has been watching your back due to your pregnancy," he muttered.

She smiled. Lionel was such a loyal friend and she was sure he was probably the one that browbeat everyone into protecting her. Lionel and Shaw were the only two people she could call friends. Well, maybe John was a friend too…a reluctant and unwilling friend, but her friend nonetheless.

"Good, don't tell anyone. I'll call in tomorrow and ask for the next week or two off, for personal reasons. I've accrued enough sick and personal days off to take the next month off if I want," Joss murmured. She had plans of working up til right before Taylor came and go on maternity leave but thanks to Paul double crossing Elias it seemed she was going to have some extra time off.

Lionel let out a frustrated sigh. "Now that you have your plan of action; do you mind actually telling me what the hell is going on?"

"Remember how I told you that Paul was working with Elias?" she said quietly, as if someone could overhear her conversation.

"You mean, you're completely off the books investigation into your loser husband, and if caught by the captain you'd be suspended, that conversation?" he replied.

Joss made a face that he couldn't see. "That one, well, my informant was right, he was. But Paul screwed over Elias and got one of his friend's murdered, and Paul slithered off into the night so guess who Elias is after to lure Paul out into the open?"

"Carter, get your ass here so I can get some uniforms on you!" Fusco barked instantly.

"I can't Fusco; I don't know who is aligned with Elias. He's got people in places and that includes in our precinct so that's why I need you to keep what I just told you between us," she explained.

"No offense, Carter, but have you looked in the mirror…if Elias is after you he'll find you because you can't exactly move all that fast anymore," Fusco said as gently as he could, to lighten the blow.

Joss glared. "You know by telling someone not to 'take offense' doesn't make it sound any better Lionel," she growled. Of course she knew she waddled instead of walked. She was nearly nine months pregnant; she'd like to see him try to move around carrying a ten pound baby!

"I'm just saying Carter; I can help you."

Now she smiled gently. "I know that Lionel. But I'm safe. John's helping me and…"

"John, John who?" Lionel cut in.

Who indeed, and Joss shifted uncomfortably on the bed as she tried to think up an adequate description of John, without using the adjectives of gorgeous, sexy, surly, grumpy or anything of the like. "Uh, well, there's a little bit more to my predicament than I told you." she admitted tightly, knowing that Lionel was going to flip his lid.

"And what is this little bit more you need to tell me?"

Joss heaved out a breath and proceeded to tell him that she had suspicions that there was a bounty on her head and how she met John in the subway, and that they went on the run together. After she finished she waited a good five minutes of listening to silence before she decided to make sure Lionel hadn't left the building.

"Lionel?" she asked.

"Let me get this straight Carter; you tell me you're safe but you're with a suicidal hobo as your only means of protection?" Lionel demanded incredulously.

"John won't hurt me," she reassured him. When Fusco said nothing she added; "Lionel, if John wanted to hurt me or leave me stranded he could have already done so. But he's been the perfect gentleman. He's just nursing a broken heart and his soul needs a little time to heal."

"Don't do it, Carter. Not everyone can be saved. I don't want you hurt when you end up with pie in your face. From what you said this guy sounds truly done with life and the only thing that's tethering him to the world right now is your plight."

Joss smiled a little at the concern. "I'll be fine, Lionel, and that's exactly what John needs right now. A reason to live, a reason to get up in the morning, and for now that's to protect me from Elias and any other loser in New York," she continued. "I'm hoping by the time that Elias is taken care of and I'm safe that I've come up with some plan to show John that he could begin a new chapter in his life."

"Carter…"

"I'll be fine," she repeated, this time much more forcefully. "And you won't talk me out of it. It's the only way I can handle receiving this kind of help from John if I can save him in return."

Lionel sighed heavily. "I know better to argue with you since it never does me anything," he muttered, sounding resigned.

"You can still try but it won't matter. I'm going to save John from himself," she offered with a smile filling her face and voice.

"Just check in with me, please, often. And if there is anything I can do to help you don't hesitate to call me!" he requested, and after she reassured him she would he seemed to be a little more relieved. "Guess what, Carter."

"What?"

"Anton O'Mara, his pops, and several of his little buddies all got shot with their own merchandise earlier this afternoon."

Joss knew it would be big news around the precinct. "Are they dead?" she asked hesitant to know the answer. She hoped John hadn't murdered anyone.

"Nah, but embarrassed though as they got taken out by just one guy." Lionel relayed. "Most had blown kneecaps but a couple had metal in their shoulders. Guy cleaned them out too. By the time police arrived he was gone and so were the guns."

Joss couldn't tell Lionel that it was John. The police would want to arrest John and she wanted to protect him. He only did it for her and more importantly John was supposedly dead. If the CIA somehow learn that wasn't the case than they might come back to try to finish what they started.

"Well they got what they deserved," she muttered, yawning. "But I'm beat. I'll call you tomorrow, Lionel."

"Just be careful, Carter," he admonished.

"I will. Now goodnight…."

"'Night, Carter," he responded.

Joss ended the call and set the phone on the nightstand. She stared up at the ceiling as she rubbed her belly lost in thought.

* * *

John feigned interest in the basketball game all the way up to the point until Joss disappeared into the bedroom. Then, and only then, did he relax a little. The less time he spent around Joss the better. He was noticing her more and more, and it was unnerving. She was a beautiful woman even more so than Jessica. Jessica, look wise, wasn't really his type. He didn't go for the tall, thin, and leggy blond type. He preferred his woman to have curves, show her femininity, and sensual terrain to run his hands (or tongue) over. Joss, as of now, didn't have a figure as she was almost nine months pregnant but she was still beautiful. And he could bet he knew what her figure was when she wasn't pregnant: curves and more curves, like a beautiful and sexy hourglass. A lush silhouette that was all softness against his hardness; he bet she had the perfect ass and set of hips that sashayed about as she was giving lip. But she wasn't just beautiful, she was intelligent and fascinated him because under the strong and unrelenting courage beat the heart of a vulnerable woman, but don't tell her that or you could eat a fist sandwich. John smiled at the thought, before he scowled at himself. He didn't want to like a single thing about her. He just wanted to help her and then be done…with everything.

But the more he tried to not like her the less it worked and the more frustrated he became. So he resorted to being deliberately cold to her in hopes to intimidate her into keeping her distance, just as he wanted. An unwelcome sight of Joss holding her son, and sheer longing to see it, sprung to his mind causing him to stand up, jerkily run a hand through his short hair. John shut the thoughts off immediately and stalked to the window. He preferred wallowing in despair than thinking about Joss nursing her infant son in the future.

"I need some alcohol," he growled to himself. Yes, some whiskey would surely make these unwanted thoughts go away. It would make everything go away. But it would also lower his reaction time and Joss couldn't afford that, so no alcohol.

John paced the floor before angrily shutting off the TV and decided to go to bed and catch up on some sleep. Sleeping on a cold hard floor for the past few months wasn't easy and sleeping in a bed sounded really good at the moment. So he stalked down the hall to head to the guest bedroom but to get there he had to bypass the master bedroom which Joss left the door open. He wished it was closed. John stopped his impatient movements and frowned. _Just don't look in and see her_ , he told himself. Then, realizing he was standing out before her door like an idiot, because he didn't want to walk by, he scowled and stormed forward, not afraid of the sight of a pregnant woman, but stopped at the sound of her voice.

And unwillingly he looked inside and felt something shift inside him. Joss, sat on the bed, with the light on and had her pajama shirt pulled up just covering her breasts but left the swell of her belly exposed. She was lovingly running a hand over her stomach as she talked to her son. It was a touching scene. He hadn't seen such poignant moments in a long time as he had this last day and a half with Joss. His world was a dark and ugly place until Joss Carter swept him up into her life. But when he heard his name he actually listened in on her.

"You'll like John when you meet him. He's the man that's helping mommy and you. We'll need to thank him for taking such good care of us," she murmured. "How about you give him a big sleepy grin, Taylor?—show him that there are genuine moments of happiness. Mommy wishes she could give John what he so desperately needs."

"And what do I need?" John asked hoarsely.

Joss jumped as she looked up and her hand paused on her stomach. She didn't look embarrassed or angry at being listened in on. "A purpose," she said softly.

John flinched as if he was struck before he staggered back as he realized he stepped towards her, and blindly turned for the guest bedroom to get away from her and all that she symbolized: home.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

It was a long night. After John eavesdropped on her conversation with her son it had taken her a while to fall asleep. There was a part of her that had wanted to get up and head to his room to go make sure he was alright but she didn't want to intrude.

Joss clearly startled or upset him when she told him that he needed a purpose but she wasn't lying. Men like John needed something to consume them. After getting dressed in stretchy black pants and a large shirt she exited her room. Joss had gotten a good night's rest even sleeping in someone else's domain.

She yawned as she followed the alluring scent of coffee. John must be up already. She approached the kitchen and he had his back to her so she swept a sweeping gaze up and down him. "Good morning," he murmured quietly without turning around, scaring her.

She grabbed her chest and glared at his back. "Do you have eyes behind your back?" she demanded. Joss knew she didn't make that much noise for him to possibly know she was in the kitchen with him.

"Years of practice listening to the signs of light footsteps." he answered as he looked over his shoulder at her.

Joss moved closer so that she could take a cup of the freshly brewed pot. Sadly of this whole pot she could only one cup. Taking the morning sickness, fatigue, and back pain was easy compared to having to cut down on her caffeine intake.

"Get some sleep?" she asked quietly. He didn't respond. Joss looked up and saw the tired eyes and knew he didn't. "Do you sleep much at all ever?"

"Some…."

Joss sipped her coffee, savoring every drop as she observed him avidly. He piqued her interest and she wanted to know what made him tick. "When's the last time you had a good night's rest?"

John shot her a look and she didn't let it intimidate her. "Why do you care?" he all but growled the question, like a big surly bear but it didn't put her off in the slightest.

"Why can't you answer a simple question?" she turned it around on him. "Or are you so used to being in disguise you don't even know what the truth is anymore?"

The quick look away was telling enough. "We need to find out where Paul might be hiding. Do you know of anyone who he might turn to?" he asked changing the subject.

Joss shrugged helplessly. "He has a brother, Demarcus, but he cut Paul out of his life after Paul screwed him over. Both of their parents are dead, and as for friends, Paul cut ties with anyone from his previous life before becoming a hired gun."

"Anybody else?—anyone at all?" he demanded.

She glared at him. "No one comes to mind John, I…wait maybe there is someone he might have gone to for help. Someone I think he kept in contact with from his former life before crime."

"Who?"

"His sponsor, Franklin Spencer, Paul had attempted at getting help before he began killing people for a living."

"Do you know where in the city he's located at?" he asked.

"Not really," she admitted.

John nodded. "I'll place a call with Finch to see if he can get us his location, so I can have a talk with him."

Joss shook her head. "You mean so _we_ can have a talk with him. Frank won't talk to you about Paul without me there and using brute force won't work here. Frank is a good man and I don't want him hurt, especially if he doesn't know anything," she stipulated.

"No!" he snapped. "Your pregnant and would be out in the open. It's too risky."

"We'll just have to get creative on masking who I am because I'm going," she argued, her stubborn streak shining through. They glared at each other both unwilling to back down. John might be used to calling the shots and having all the control but she wasn't bending on this. "Leave and I'll follow you there. So either: you can escort me or I'll go on my own, whichever you prefer since it doesn't matter to me one way or another."

John stared at her stonily that was matched by an icy glare of her own. Her pride was going to get herself and her unborn child killed but if he didn't relent she could very well go out on her own without any protection. He didn't know her well enough to know if this was a bluff or not.

"Alright," he agreed begrudgingly. "But we do it my way. I say you stay, you stay."

"And when you say roll over, I just say: yes sir," she snapped fighting the urge to salute him but not in a respective manner. She was not going to let John bulldoze over her. John stepped close and she felt the difference in height and felt the anger rolling off him in waves. Joss lifted her chin defiantly. She ignored the fact that he looked devilishly handsome angry. His oceanic blue eyes were darker than normal either that or the blue shirt he was wearing drew out the blue.

He stared down into her brown eyes and felt his anger dissolve into something altogether worse: desire. He wanted to kiss her to absolve the curiosity to know if she tasted sweet under all that spice.

Joss narrowed her eyes as John jerked away from her and the anger was gone. He looked…shaken. "We should eat or the food will get cold." he said retreating from their confrontation. She felt like she had whiplash from the swift change of subject. She turned to look and realized there sat a feast prepared. Evidently John had been awake much longer than she first figured.

She let him lead her to the table where a plate full of food sat as a sign of mutually calling truce. They sat down together to eat the bacon, sausage, eggs, and hashbrowns with little conversation. Joss watched John's plate get depleted quickly and was pleased.

He pushed the chair back signaling he was done. "I'll call Finch and once he gets us an address for Mr. Spencer we'll go. Figure out how to disguise yourself before then; leave the dishes I'll get them later." he murmured quietly and with that he disappeared from the kitchen, leaving her to watch him as he went.

Joss let him leave, finished eating much slower than him, lost in thought, and didn't heed his request as she loaded the dishwasher with their dirty dishes before following him out. She found him alone in the living room having just hung up the phone. "He's looking into Spencer for us and should have something soon."

Joss nodded as she sat down next to him on the couch. "Thanks," she murmured quietly.

"I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. I want to protect you and bringing you with me isn't what I had in mind," he explained quietly.

She looked at him. "I get it John; just don't dictate to me. I'm not one of your subordinates in the military," she said simply.

He nodded. "So you'll stay home."

"No. I'm still going," she countered, making him frown. "You won't get a word from Frank unless I do."

John eyed her quizzically. "You seem certain of this."

"I am." Joss knew John would get nowhere with Frank because of his own former military background and the fact that Frank and Paul struck quite the friendship up during Paul's time at the VA. No doubt, if Paul needed some help he'd turn to Frank, and Frank would give it with no questions asked.

"Or is it because you think I'm a monster and I'll harm an innocent man?" he asked, voice lacking emotion.

Joss gaped at him. "Do you enjoy picking fights with a pregnant woman?" she demanded angrily. "Because I don't think you're a monster. If I did I wouldn't be sitting in this home with you or stayed the night at a motel alone with you." Joss barely left off 'don't project your feelings of yourself onto me'.

"I'm just trying to understand you."

She stared at him and realized it was the truth. John didn't understand her and that made her sad. The kind of world he used to live in he had to question everything and constantly watch over his shoulder for the blade about to be stabbed into his back. He had done and seen things unimaginable to her, lost someone he cared about, and got a giant 'fuck you' from the country he sold his soul for.

"John, I'll always tell you the truth," she promised quietly as she reached out to rest a hand on his, squeezing gently when he went to recoil. "You won't have to question my legitimacy, you have my word."

"Word means nothing," he rasped.

"I know. Words are pretty but if you don't back it up then they mean nothing. I don't speak, I do. So I will prove to you that I'll always be honest with you. Just give me the same respect as I give you is all I ask in return," Joss stated simply.

After several tense moments of scrutinizing one another with hyper-observant gazes that took decades of perfecting, she felt a tiny squeeze of his fingers in response, and Joss felt as though they just began a tenuous friendship built on their mutual disillusionment.

* * *

Not for the first time John debated about turning the car around and take Joss back to Harold and Grace's apartment. He didn't like her out in the open and exposed but she seemed adamant that Spencer wouldn't speak to him without her.

Harold had called about an hour ago and gave him the address, he was following Joss's GPS there. She wore her hair in a bun underneath a ball-cap and used makeup to paint a mole she didn't have onto her face. Joss nixed the idea of wearing sunglasses to make sure that it wasn't overkill. Joss pulled on a very unflattering dress that hid her pregnancy as it made her look like she was wearing a plastic bag but no less beautiful. But he tried to ignore that last fact entirely.

When they reached the destination he cut the engine and turned to look at her. "Stay in the car until I make sure it's clear," he warned. Joss just stared at him. "Please." he amended.

She just nodded curtly. Joss watched as he exited the car and scanned their surroundings but in a way that was inconspicuous so that it wasn't blatant that he was observing people around them. When it was deemed all clear by him he stepped to the passenger side door and opened it for her before reaching in to take her hand which was very gentlemanly and chivalrous, a trait that was lost art, or so she thought.

They walked together up the small sidewalk that lead to a tiny porch that held a two rocking wooden chairs perfect for kicking back with a couple beers, or in her case, glasses of sparkling water. John rapped hard on the door but kept her in front of him in case he had missed something. He took protecting her very seriously and it made her ridiculously happy. Maybe if he was so focused on saving her that she'd save him.

After a couple moments the door to the townhome opened and a mixed race man appeared in the open doorway. "May I help you?" he asked.

John nodded but it was Joss that spoke; "Are you Frank Spencer?"

"I am, and you would be…?"

Joss smiled as she offered a hand out. "Joss Carter," she greeted after Spencer took her hand and she saw the flicker of surprise and the stiffening of his body was noted. So he had heard of her. "Yea, Paul's soon to be ex-wife."

When he went to go slam the door in their faces John moved with lightning speed, honed reflexes, due to years of practice, as he lifted one long lean leg up and kicked the door open wide. Spencer's eyes widened as John moved to advance on him, more than ready to brawl, for personal reasons as much as for her problems, but she grabbed John's forearm to cease his action. John stopped immediately, letting her take the lead but clearly unhappy that he hadn't gotten to kick some ass. She quickly let John go and focused on Frank Spencer.

"We need to talk," she stated simply. Joss pulled her dress taut and showed her round belly and Frank's eyes widened. "Thanks to Paul; not only am I nearly nine months pregnant but I'm also on the run from a guy he pissed off. And I will do _anything_ to protect my son even if that means I have to hunt down my chicken shit husband!" she vowed.

Frank sighed. "Come in, we can't talk out here." he muttered. Joss nodded and moved to enter with John following closely. "Who's he?" Frank asked warily.

John lifted his lip into what could be considered a smile but a very poor one at that. It was more a snarl than a smile. "I'm the _anything_." he assured lowly, with a hint of danger.

The voice, cold as ice and promised sinister intentions, made Spencer shiver and would have Joss but she knew it was meant to intimidate and it worked. Frank Spencer led them into his living room where the TV was on that he quickly shut off.

"Isabella is at work so we can talk freely," he murmured.

"Your wife, we presume?" John said more than asked as he looked around and then peered out the front window before stalking around the room like a predator sizing up his prey. His restless movements were making Frank Spencer nervous as he kept flicking quick jerky glances at John. John was really skilled at making people sweat.

"Y-Yes…."

Joss decided enough of the mind games and got down to business. "Do you know where Paul is?" she demanded succinctly.

"No."

The answer was quick and sure, so much so that Joss didn't feel as though it was a lie. She shared a quick glance with John who stopped mid-stride to stare unremitting at Spencer as if filtering what he heard through his own internal lie detector. When John resumed pacing he had come to the same conclusion as she had.

"In that case how about telling us something that you do know?" John suggested as he paused to peer out the window again to make sure there was no unwanted parties that had recognized Joss somehow.

Frank abandoned the bravado and sagged onto his couch with his head in his hands. "I don't know much. He came by here a couple days ago and told me he had fucked up. I thought he meant about stopping the VA meetings and therapy. But I didn't realize he had fallen into a life of crime," he admitted as he lifted his head up to look at her apologetically. "Paul told me what he had done in like a confessional."

"And you kept it to yourself. You didn't think to call the police and tell them what he told you?" Joss accused.

Frank sighed. "He's my friend, Joss. All that I know is that he said he messed up when he got some guy killed that was someone noteworthy to someone really bad and he had to get the hell out of town."

"So Paul left his pregnant estranged wife to fend for herself against a mafia boss who can't be identified by a single person?" John growled. Joss winced as Spencer cowered a little from the rage emitting from John.

"I told him that he owed Joss a heads up of the danger licking at her heels. I'm guessing since you're with protection and not in Elias's hands that he listened," Frank said, obviously upset by the turn of events.

Joss made a face as Frank said it as if he had done so much for her. But he was her only lead into her soon-to-be-ex-husband. "Did he say anything you can think of that might help us locate him? Or do you have a contact number, anything?" she asked.

"N-No…."

Joss narrowed her eyes on Frank. The stammer was noted and clearly John noticed it as well as he turned to glare death holes into the back of his head. She sent him a look to signal that she had this and it seemed it translated as John simply folded his arms across his chest in a very standoffish pose and remained eerily silent, which seemed to make Spencer squirm all the more.

"Do you know what aiding and abetting is?" she asked as she leaned forward with a casual smile on her face.

"I know s…"

She cut in. "Good, then you know that by not giving me the information you have on a fugitive is considered aiding and abetting. Now how would Isabella feel if her husband was arrested throwing away his life and hers for a criminal?" she asked, sticking the knife in the wound she knew would hurt. Just from the way he said her name it was clear that his wife was the most important thing to him. Too bad Paul hadn't shared those same feelings or she wouldn't be in this predicament.

His face fell and looked ashamed. "I don't know how to locate him. Paul didn't tell me. But he did give me a contact number. I'm only to call if someone comes asking for him." Frank admitted as he stood moving to the mantle where his cell phone rested.

John nodded. "Then you'll be giving him a call but not yet I need to make one myself first," he instructed, tugging out his burner phone. Frank merely kept quiet as John turned to walk outside to have a little privacy. Joss followed him but he angled himself to stop her from exiting with him.

"Who are you calling?" she asked.

"Finch. He'll be able to do a trace to find out where Paul is," he explained quietly.

Joss stared at him incredulously. "Harold isn't the average person," she murmured, knowing that it was an understatement.

A tiny smile flickered on his lips. "No, he isn't. Keep an eye on Frank while I talk to Finch," he ordered and with that he very firmly shut the door in her face keeping her safe inside while he was outside. Joss turned and walked slowly to where she left Frank. Her back was hurting today and instead of excitedly waiting for her little man to enter her life she had to deal with this.

"I really am sorry, Joss. Paul and I talked a lot about you when he came for his visits," Frank spoke up sincerely.

Joss eyed Frank. "Did he ever love me?" she asked softly.

"Of course, but you held such a high standard…"

Joss cut in angrily. "That's a load of BS! So I'm at fault for his inability to be a good husband?!" she demanded.

"Some men, not all, but some need a woman that doesn't put the pressure of being perfect on them."

"I never asked for perfection!" she argued. "I asked for respect, truth, and honesty, none of which Paul gave me," Joss was so angry she was seeing red. Frank was siding with Paul because of their friendship and resting blame for their failed marriage squarely on her shoulders. Sure, she wasn't perfect but no one was, and was being honest and respectful too much to ask for?

Joss turned when she heard a rustling sound knowing John was back in. And he was but clearly he had heard some of what they talked about because John looked enraged. "Real men wouldn't let women pay for their crimes," John interjected lowly. Joss shifted an eye onto Frank to note the look of relaxation was gone now that John was back. "Call Paul, put it on speakerphone so I can hear the conversation; tell him that Joss came by. Keep him on the line as long as possible until I give you the signal to stop. I don't care if you have to talk about the weather to keep him on it."

"Okay…."

Frank quietly did as John told him, calling Paul and placing it on speakerphone. Paul answered immediately. "Who talked to you?" he asked in way of a greeting.

Joss did an admirable job of not making an audible gasp or any other sound from hearing her estranged husband's voice after so long.

"Your wife, Joss," Frank answered.

Paul was quiet for a moment. "Figured she would think to come to you; at least she's not in Elias's clutches."

"Yea but she's pregnant and has a giant bullseye on her back." Frank commented to keep the conversation going.

"I did the best I could. Better than what she'd do for me," Paul said, sounding uncaring.

"How do you know that?"

"If she's there talking to you that means she's looking for me to hand over to Elias to erase her little problem. She doesn't give a fuck about me anymore; Frank, I gave her a heads up and the rest is up to her."

Joss didn't even feel hurt by the lack of emotion coming from Paul over her. All she felt at the moment was immense disappointment that their marriage had come to this. But John, she felt anger oozing out of his every pore.

"Did you tell her anything?" Paul demanded after a moment.

"No," Frank reassured as he looked to John who motioned to keep him on the line. "Did you know she's pregnant, Paul?" he asked, something he wished Isabella could be.

"Yea, so? Joss has more balls than most men do, she'll be fine even with being fat."

That sealed it for Joss. Any lingering desire to save Paul from the mess he created for himself with Elias was gone; gone with the easiness of disregarding their son, no, her son. She looked to John who went from angry to furious with Paul's flippant attitude and she smiled gently to let him know she was okay.

John jerked his hand in a motion to end the call. Frank nodded. "Okay, if you're certain; I just called as you asked."

"Thanks. Call me if a real threat visits you," and with that Paul hung up.

Frank eyed the phone as he disconnected with Paul. He looked up and to her. "If someone comes I'll call you first. Paul doesn't even care about the child he fathered with you. There are people who would love for a child and can't conceive and he just doesn't care."

John didn't respond as he simply put his burner phone to his ear. "Did you get it Finch?" he asked. He was silent listening to what Finch said. He nodded curtly before looking to her. "Let's go."

Joss didn't say a word as she filed out of Frank Spencer's home letting John lead the way. Once safely tucked into John's car did she speak aloud. "You know I was holding out hope that Paul was able to be helped," she said finally.

"And now?"

"Now, I wonder how I ever thought of him as my soulmate," she admitted with a humorless laugh. "Makes me embarrassed."

"Why? He's the asshole to not realize you're an amazing woman."

Joss looked at him and smiled softly. "Amazing, eh?"

He lifted one side of his mouth up in a sardonic smirk. "Little too stubborn and ballsy but amazing," he assured her, giving her a sideways compliment.

She snorted. "Takes a stubborn mule to know a stubborn mule," she retorted as he started the car with a small chuckle. Joss smiled at the sound, though short and faint, his laugh was like music to the ears. "So could Harold trace the call?"

"Yes. Paul's still in New York. Harold traced the phone call to a cell phone being in use in a Starbucks at the outer fringes of Brighton Beach where the Russians rule the roost. Doubt if we head there now that Paul will still be there. But maybe we can use Frank Spencer to our advantage," he explained as he pulled away from the curb.

Joss nodded. "Have Frank keep Paul on the line long enough for you to find him and forcefully bring him here." she spoke what she was sure was John's plan.

"Yea, only problem is that requires us splitting up. You need to enlist Frank's help in getting Paul on the line, while I head in his general area so that when the trace comes through I can find him quickly," John said, already worrying about his idea.

"No problem there. I'll do anything to end this threat to my life so my son will be safe."

John didn't speak but she could tell it did little to reassure him. Paul wasn't going to show his face anywhere outside of Russian territory since pissing Elias off. And he couldn't rest until Joss was safe. But to ensure her safety required doing something he was steadfastly against: her on the front lines.

* * *

AN: I'm not in a very good mood thanks to work but I wanted to come on and post since I'm been MIA the past week.

Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: This is now halfway through and I just wanted to thank you guys for reading thus far, and thank everyone that has reviewed including you guests, who I adore and wish I could thank personally. You'll, probably, have another update tomorrow or Saturday. I won't promise just in case something in RL arises that makes it so I can't but I am going to try.  
**_

* * *

Joss cooked dinner this time. She relegated John to preparing the table and prepping the side dish. From the time they got back to the apartment from their visit with Frank Spencer until now John had brooded. She could tell he was bothered by what Paul had said on the phone. He wasn't the only one. It bothered her too. It hurt to know that their near fifteen year marriage meant nothing to him. Paul Carter was a virtual stranger from the man that she had married. The good man that she married turned into an unfeeling monster that killed for the highest bidder. Joss thought about John thinking he was one. Paul and John were as different as night and day. John was helping her for no other reason than because it was right while her own husband, the father to her unborn son, couldn't even be concerned.

She pulled herself from her gloomy thoughts and smiled as she served her dish: meatloaf.

"Now it makes sense why I was to mash potatoes and steam baby carrots," he smiled softly.

She set the main dish amongst the sides and they each took their seat, but she noted with interest that John waited until she was seated, just another sign of his upbringing. Good manners were hard to come by.

"Be careful it might taste awful since I haven't had anyone to cook for in a while and it seemed pointless just for myself," she admitted with a degree of nervousness.

He eyed her and then the piping hot meatloaf that smelled as good as it looked. John didn't respond as he simply cut into it giving her a portion before himself, and then slapped mashed potatoes with gravy onto his plate, then in a small bowl took a helping of the steamed baby carrots. John dug into the meatloaf first and tasted it.

"Awful?—if this is awful then my food must be terrible because this is delicious," he told her honestly as the meatloaf was tender and practically melted in his mouth. Joss beamed at the appraisal and he wondered if her ex had done a number on her self-esteem.

"Thank you," she spoke, truly appreciating the compliment.

They ate while quietly discussing their mutual time spent in the military. It was a neutral subject that they had in common. Then their discussion shifted to sports.

"How can you be a Seattle Seahawks fan?!" she demanded incredulously.

He smiled. "How can you be a New York Giants fan?" he turned it around on her.

"Okay, fine, tell me you're a Knicks' fan at the very least!"

"I am. Although it's tough being one," he admitted as he finished his dinner.

Joss nodded her head in agreement as she finished hers a little later. Pushing the plate away she sat back in her seat and watched him from across the table. "Want to talk about Paul?" she asked quietly. His look grew dark and stormy. Yep, he hated him. "I've come to terms with the fact that the man I married is gone. That man on the phone was not my husband. Sometimes I wonder if he entered the Twilight Zone and got nabbed by some body snatchers."

John cocked his head to the side and watched her with a masked expression. "Handing Paul over to Elias is as good as sentencing him to death, Joss, and that's exactly my plan."

"I know," she whispered. "But there is another way," she assured and John's look grew even more stormy. "We get some help from Fusco, my partner, and arrest Paul and Elias."

"I won't risk your life or your unborn child's for his,"he stated bluntly.

She stared at him. "I'm not asking you to. I'm just suggesting that, yes, we should give Paul to Elias in what he thinks is an even trade off but we have Fusco and some cops in on it to take them both into custody. Both men are a menace and needed to be dealt with. I'm not trying to save Paul from Elias. I'm trying to save New York from Elias."

John just sat there with an unreadable expression. "And ridding New York of Elias is important to you," he said rather than asked.

"It is. I might be pregnant and on the run but I'm still a cop, John. I still want the best for the people I swore to protect."

He stared at her and marveled at how selfless she was. Joss could easily just hand over Paul, not give a damn about anyone else besides her and her unborn son, and yet she was trying to come up with a plan that not only apprehended her husband but also Elias, to protect those around her. But what she was asking for could backfire. Elias could sniff out a setup that could lead to him killing Paul and her. Or if they did succeed in placing Elias in prison he could send men to kill Joss. He would just have to broker a deal that Elias understood: go after Joss Carter or her son, and he would make Elias wish he never was born.

"And that's why you're so different from me Joss. You're a good person."

She smiled a little. "I don't see us so differently, John," she assured. He frowned. Joss pushed out of the chair. "Since I cooked I think it's your turn to do the dishes," she added, not wanting him to deny what she claimed. Joss didn't want to ruin the atmosphere between them with an argument. She was beginning to suspect John had a low opinion of himself and wasn't quite ready to truly look at the good he has done. Or see him as how she saw him: damaged but not broken.

After their mealtime discussion it had been awfully quiet. John seemed to mull over her claim that he wasn't as different from her. So during her quiet time she had called up Fusco to see if he could find out anything on Carl Elias for her. And what he found out wasn't good: absolutely, positively, nothing! Digging up dirt on Elias was going to be next to impossible.

She hung up miserably. John glanced at her. "I take it they have nothing to offer," he surmised.

"Fusco said that the lead detectives on the case are frustrated and was hopeful that Lionel could offer them some assistance. No one has positively identified Elias yet," she said discouraged.

"Maybe they are asking the wrong people," John interjected.

That lifted her spirits. "Do you think Harold could identify Elias for us?" she asked hopefully.

He shook his head. "No. But I do have an informant in New York from my CIA days that might just have some useful information on Elias," he admitted slowly. "She's a fixer and knows everyone there is to know in the city. If anyone knows who Elias could be or someone that can help find him, it's her." John got to his feet and moved to go grab his coat. Escaping Joss's presence would be beneficial as she seemed to soothe his pain and calm him in a way he never felt before. Or understood. And he was far more comfortable with suffering…it was familiar and deserved for failing Jessica and for all that he had done in his life.

"Who is she?" Joss said.

He smirked. "Do you tell people your confidential informants?" he wondered.

Joss shrugged. "So I'm people now?" she demanded and when he didn't respond she sighed. "Not really but I'm not asking in a professional capacity," she remarked dryly.

"Her name is Zoe," he said as he tugged on his coat.

"How do you even know she'll help us given the fact that you're no longer in the CIA?" she asked.

"She will."

He seemed certain. "Why? Does this elusive Zoe owe you a favor?" she questioned. Most C.I.s wouldn't give a flying fig of helping someone that no longer had power over them.

"No."

"So again how do you know she will help us, John? You're no longer in the CIA and if I know most informants that you boys in the agency gained them using coercion, manipulation, and other less than moral means."

He smiled a little. "I didn't meet her through the CIA." he explained vaguely. "But she agreed to give me information when I ask for it; in exchange I give her what she wants."

"And what does Zoe want?" she asked quietly.

John shrugged as he fixed his collar. "Sex," he stated bluntly, almost crudely. Joss looked at him in horror. He eyed her questioningly. "How do you get people to give you information, Joss? You learn what they want and you give them it as long as you condition them that they get what they want _after_ you receive your information. Zoe knew that up front since she is a fixer, so it didn't take much coaxing from her."

"I don't want you sleeping with this woman just to get information on Elias for me, John," she stated angrily. Was sex really so clinical and impersonal to John? The agency stripped more from John than she thought. "There has to be some other way we can find out information on Elias that doesn't require you getting naked."

He ran a hand through his hair in irritation. "This is simple Joss. It's just meaningless sex. I get her off and I get the information, and I leave," he explained, not seeing the problem.

"Everything's a tool at gaining the advantage isn't it, John?"

John narrowed his eyes. "Kara and I've both used sex as a tool, yes," he snapped.

"I don't want you to have to use sex as a tool for me, John. Those days are over for you. You can find a woman to have sex with for no other reason than pleasure," she suggested gently.

He shuddered as he whirled around and stormed for the door. "Lock up after me. Don't call anyone and don't go anywhere," he ordered before leaving with a slam of the door.

Joss quietly walked to the door and locked it up, determined to not think about what he was going to do in her name. She knew that John manipulated, lied, and coerced people into being his informants for the agency; knew he probably supplied drugs to druggies to get cooperation, sex to women who wanted sex, and money to others. But that didn't stop her skin from crawling and suddenly she desperately needed a shower for herself but for John too.

* * *

John slid from the bed and immediately began getting dressed. He ignored Zoe as she lied there watching him naked but satisfied. "You know I've missed our meetings, John," she all but purred.

"The information you gave me better be accurate," he said ignoring her. John pulled his pants on before grabbing for his shirt.

Zoe watched him under half-closed lids. Sex with John was always amazing; he would use her for information and she'd use him for sexual gratification. It was simple: no kissing, no cuddling afterwards, and certainly no pillow-talk. Perfect for both him and her, but she had always seen him as a bit of a contradiction. John was virile, rugged, and painfully attractive. But he was about as social as a bear and cold as ice but at times she would see glimpses past that frosty exterior and notice a man that was polar-opposite to the one he posed to be. Someone that was lonely and yearned for something more substantial. Though the glimpse would be gone quickly making her believe that she simply imagined it. His aloofness was sexy as it was irritating. There was always an invisible barrier between them even though they were naked and intimate. Not that she wanted to know his life story or try to fix him. Zoe wasn't in the market for a man or relationship because the carnal pleasure she experienced in his arms was more than enough to satisfy her. But she did wish, at times, that she could somehow unleash the passionate animal that no doubt was veiled to her and experience true lust. Sadly she knew that only the right woman would ever be able to worm past that invisible, and damn near indestructible, wall he built up and experience that sort of fervent ecstasy.

"My information is always accurate John, it's why you come to me," she teased coyly. He spared her a glance before sitting down on the edge of the bed to pull his socks and shoes back on. Zoe had sought information on John when she first met him and quickly realized he was a ghost; a ghost clearly hung up on someone though she never got a name. "But the fact that you are questioning it means that this woman you won't tell me the name of is special."

"She means nothing to me."

Zoe arched a finely sculpted brow up at how abrupt and cold he sounded as if he was trying very hard to convince himself more than her of that.

"If she means nothing to you then why do you care what happens to her?" Zoe asked, already knowing the answer. The stiffening of his back was the only thing that gave him away that he was even listening to her.

"Goodbye Zoe," The tone suggested he wasn't going to be using her services again. Zoe felt a pang of regret for pressing but then he'd come back because her information was always on point. He stood and walked to the door without another word.

* * *

AN: I had debated writing smut but then my fingers couldn't physically move to write smut between John/Zoe. Although chapter 10 there will be something good concerning Carter and Reese as a way to appease my belligerent muse.

Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Joss didn't bother coming out of her room until the next morning. She didn't think she could stand it if he came back smelling of cheap perfume. Knowing he left with the keys she hid in the master bedroom and listened for him to come back. He did about two hours after leaving. After waiting until he went into his own room, she finally relaxed enough to sleep. It wasn't that she didn't believe he would come back for her because she innately knew he would, but she wondered what he was doing out in the living room alone. Was he mad she wasn't out there to greet him?

She exited her room fresh faced but in a sour mood. Her stomach felt like her son was taking it on a roller coaster as one minute she was hungry and then nauseous. For the most part she didn't get sick anymore but there were the rare mornings where her kid made her sick just for fun.

Joss found John in the kitchen quietly eating a bowl of cereal and had a cup of coffee. Her stomach churned at the smell and coffee usually gave her great joy. "You look a little green." he commented, finally lifting his gaze from his near empty bowl.

She tried to crack a smile but failed. "Taylor is having a blast at making his mommy sick," she said trying to tease.

"Want some cereal?" John offered the Cheerios with a nudge forward.

She shook her head. "I think I might make myself some plain toast." she admitted as she moved to the pantry, knowing there was bread since she had seen it. After placing the two slices into the toaster she turned to pour herself some water from the faucet. Joss turned and saw John was up and pointing at the chair he just vacated.

"Sit. I'll bring your toast to you." he ordered.

Joss found herself smiling at his gruff command knowing he was just trying to be helpful. She actually did as he said and sat down letting him bring her, her toast. "Thanks," she murmured as she nibbled at it, hoping her stomach would settle some. He shrugged off her gratitude. "So did you get any information on Elias?" she asked carefully.

"Yes."

She nodded. "Please tell me you at least had safe sex." she blurted out. John didn't seem to care about himself and she was worried.

He was pouring himself a cup of coffee when he clattered the pot down and whirled on her to gape at her. "You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

Joss shrugged. "Not my style. You get what you're looking for when you just ask direct questions. I know how close to the edge you were, so sleeping with a woman unprotected crossed my mind since you seem to have a devil may care attitude," she explained.

"I always wear a condom when I have sex; I'm reckless not stupid," he answered her question just as bluntly as she asked it.

She laughed softly and she saw a little twitch of his lips but it never materialized into a smile. "I won't try to convince you that I didn't despise what you did last night because I did. I don't like that you slept with this Zoe just to get information."

"Why?"

Why indeed? Joss thought she knew the answer but all the while he was gone her mind conjured up steamy images of John in the sack with some faceless woman and she felt gripped by jealousy. She didn't want him having sex with that faceless woman even if it was meaningless and so impersonal. It was dumb to be jealous when John and she were nothing. Sure he was good looking and she was attracted to him, but she was a blimp and no one would ever be attracted to a pregnant lady. Perhaps she was just projecting feelings on him because of the fact that he was acting as her protector. But even as she tried to make herself believe that load of crap she shoveled herself, she didn't. Joss didn't wander into some Disney movie. She wasn't some princess that fell for her frog prince. His eyes gripped her even before he shaved off his shaggy beard, cut his hair, and put on some new clean clothes. Those eyes of his were lethal to women's hearts and panties alike.

Instead of trying to explain herself she chose to ignore it completely. "What did she tell you?" she asked.

John's gaze was intent on her and he appeared to want to further talk about why she didn't like him sleeping with Zoe but decided to let the subject draw to a close as well. "Standard stuff at first like the fact that no one can positively identify Elias and that he's at war with the Russians,"he started.

"We know all that." she grumbled as she picked at her toast. So far it sounded like this Zoe chick got way more out of the meeting than they did.

"That's what I told her. Do you know about, HR the criminal organization, a group of dirty cops?"

Joss immediately perked up at that. "Yes."

"Zoe has it on good authority that a man named Alonzo Quinn, who is a political advisor, met with Elias. A few of Zoe's close sources claim to believe that Quinn is the head of HR."

She gaped at him. "I have to make a few calls; if that's the case we can burn those bastards down to the ground too." she murmured, maybe this wasn't so bad. Not only did John get some information on Elias but he also got some on the dirty cop group: HR. If Alonzo Quinn was the head of HR, arresting him would dissolve the group in its entirety. From what she understood of the group it was based on loyalty, so get rid of the head, they had no one to be loyal too.

"Only after you're safe; we might need to use Alonzo Quinn as a means to make contact with Elias." John stipulated. She didn't agree with that but she'd wait to make a few calls to a couple of her friends in the FBI to make John happy. "But that wasn't the only information Zoe gave me. She also gave me two names to look into. One is Anthony Marconi; apparently he is the right hand man of Elias, though no one can identify him either. There is a rumor that he has a long scar on the side of his face. The other name she gave me is a Charlie Burton but his connection to Elias is shrouded in mystery even to her sources. So I'm going to have Harold look into him first."

Joss was quiet for a little while unsure of how she felt about this. While she was glad they had some information finally it was at the expense of John. She continued picking at her toast until she managed to eat the first piece. John sat down with her though he sipping his coffee and wasn't really looking her way.

"So what happens if we manage to find Elias?" she asked.

He looked to her. "I set up a meeting with him, one that you will remain clear of."

She frowned. "And what is the point of the meeting with Elias?—it's not like you can ask him nicely to stop coming after me," she retorted.

"I have no intention of doing so. I'm going to tell him that I'll bring Paul Carter to him as long as he removes the bounty off your head and stays the hell away from you."

"And what makes you think he won't just have his men kill you because you're the one helping me stay out of their clutches?" she asked, truly wanting to understand his reasoning.

He smiled. "I'll help them see things my way," he answered simply.

Joss didn't like his vague answer at all. Elias and his cronies weren't four two-bit punks on a subway so he wouldn't be able to bring them down as easily. But John seemed pretty sure of himself and she didn't think he would do something that left her without protection. Still she hoped he knew what he was doing because John really was her only hope at the moment.

"Okay…."

John's brows lifted in surprise as he figured she would argue more. "Okay?" he repeated.

"Yes, okay, I trust your opinion. And I was hoping if I agree with your crazy idea that you would think of agreeing to mine."

Now he was triply suspicious. He narrowed his eyes on Joss. "And what is this crazy idea?"

"Go outside and get some fresh air." she murmured and he immediately began shaking his head. "Please John, I'll put clown makeup on, hell I'll even dye my hair blond if I have to if I could just go out. We need some bread and milk; Harold had it stocked for us but perishables are quickly disappearing."

"Joss…" he began but trailed off as she stared at him, imploring John with her eyes which seemed to work as he exhaled roughly. "Fine, but, we make it quick. We get some groceries and a little fresh air but we circle back in a different way to the apartment that isn't obvious and longer just in case you get made," he muttered, going against his better judgment. He preferred keeping her cooped up until the threat to her was over.

"Sounds good to me." she agreed instantly, so as not to give him a chance to rethink his decision. "I'll hurry up and do my makeup and we can go." Joss hurried out of the kitchen as fast as she could being nearly nine months pregnant. She was looking forward to going out even if it was only grocery shopping.

* * *

Shopping with John was quite interesting. They had gone to a grocery store that was midway away from them; not the closest but not the furthest. After they packed up the car filled with their purchases John had taken her to Columbus Park which was nearby the apartment but not as close as Central Park would have been.

Joss sighed as she breathed in the fresh air. "Thank you for this," she said after a lengthy inhalation.

John didn't respond but rather he kept his gaze on their surroundings. She wished they didn't have to constantly look over their shoulders and be able to actually enjoy the afternoon. It was a perfect afternoon in early-spring where flowers were blooming, the sun was shining and warming her skin, and it was just nice. Well it was until John growled under his breath: "You've been recognized," and he grabbed her elbow. Joss looked around and paled as she saw three white males all watching her intently and moving towards them quickly.

"We can't engage in gunfire John. There are too many innocent bystanders." she whispered as she let John drag her along with him out of the Park and push her behind him around the corner of the building and stopped.

"I know, now get inside the bodega or get behind something," he barked as he pulled the gun from the back of his pants and pressed it firmly in her hand. "Just in case."

It went against her pride to go hide in a corner and let someone else fight her battles for her but, in this instance, her pregnancy was making her comply. She didn't look back as she ran to hide behind a parked car and set the gun at the back of her stretchy pants. Joss kept an eye out for John and saw he was ready to strike the moment the men came around the corner, which would take them by surprise as surely they'd think they were still trying to make a run for it.

The moment they rounded the corner John went on the attack, going immediately for the one closest to him, who held a gun, grabbing the back of his head and pulled him forcefully towards his knee that he brought up with vicious speed, his face hit John's knee with a bone crushing smack and then a cry of pain. Blood spurted out as the boy landed on the ground grabbing at his face. It left a two on one that John was winning for the most part; she watched as one got a punch in on John who merely stumbled a bit before regaining his composure and was altogether overwhelming for the boys.

But she watched in panic as the one who was previously lying on the ground was slowly coming to, blood still pouring out of his nose, and was climbing back to his feet. If she called out to John she lost the element of surprise and alerted the men to where she was. Joss looked around and saw two metal trash cans with their lids on, sitting by the curb, waiting to be emptied. She, quietly as she could, removed one lid and kept low to the ground which hurt her aching back, but she ignored the slight pain. The man was reaching for his gun he had dropped. Joss picked up her pace just as she watched John flip one assailant onto the ground after jamming his foot into the man's knee at an awkward angle making it bend in an unnatural way producing a chilling scream.

"Die asshole!" the kid cried aiming his gun at John's back. But just as John whirled around to disarm him he watched startled as Joss rapped a metal trash can lid against the back of the boy's head. It wasn't a knockout blow but it was enough to let John immediately finish him off with an uppercut laying him flat out.

John grabbed her elbow again and tugged her with him as passersby looked on in blatant shock. He pulled Joss with him knowing it was hard for her to keep up with his long strides but for now he could not slow down. He didn't know how many more of them there were and he couldn't circle back to their car yet. Neither Joss nor John saw the tall balding man in a suit, watching a little too closely from across the street.

He led her down an alley way before crossing a busy street that was a direct parallel to the Park. He needed the scum after Joss, who figured a pregnant woman couldn't walk this far to go back an easier route.

Joss refused to ask for John to slow down. She wasn't going to hinder their escape because her back hurt and she wasn't very fast. When he slowed his pace down considerably she let out a sigh of relief. "Don't need you going into early labor," he commented gruffly.

No, they most certainly couldn't afford that or they were all kinds of screwed. "You wouldn't happen to know how to give birth?" she asked, teasing, sort of.

He stopped and paled as he looked at her. "You're…"

"No, no I'm not in labor but I don't exactly have long until I give birth either," she explained breathlessly. John didn't immediately answer as he began tugging her along with him again and Joss nearly cried in elation when she saw their car. "Get in first." he commanded unlocking it using the keypad. Joss did without question before watching him take a surveying look around them and then climbed in. He stabbed the key into the ignition and peeled away from the curb. She noticed with interest that he doubled back before driving in circles and once he seemed satisfied they weren't followed they were finally on their way back to the apartment.

"Next time I go alone." he stated tersely. It irritated her.

"Or I'll camouflage myself better," she countered.

John didn't bother replying as he appeared to brood the rest of the way back to the apartment. He shooed her into the apartment and brought the bags of groceries up himself. Once everything was brought in, he locked the door up tight, and whirled on her with eyes blazing with barely contained rage which was actually a step in the right direction. John didn't show much emotion at all and the fact that he was shuddering with rage at her was far better than bottling it up until it consumed him.

"Look, I'm sorry for suggesting that we go out today. I just wanted to get some fresh air and get more of the perishables since there wasn't much here," she said in way of an apology.

"I told you to hide!" he snarled.

Ah, so he wasn't mad about their excursion but because she chose to help him rather than cower in fright. "You needed my help,"she explained, straining to maintain her calm. "If I called out to you that the kid regained his senses then he would have known where I was and I'd have lost the element of surprise."

"I would have dealt with him," he snapped.

Joss leveled a hard glare on him. "Oh, I didn't realize you really had eyes in the back of your head," she replied sarcastically.

John stepped closer and she lifted her chin defiantly. He muttered a curse as he grabbed her cheeks and kissed her harshly. Joss stood still in shock as he ravaged her mouth with bruising intensity. She moaned as she melted against him and kissed him back. Oh my, he was a good kisser even when angry. His lips were savage and demanding, coaxing hers to open and they parted eagerly. His tongue swept into her mouth a contradiction from the hard man pressed against her; his tongue was soft velvet as it rubbed up against hers sensually. In all the years she was married she never once felt this kind of stormy passion. It was combustible, uncontrollable, and hungry; which for a pregnant woman, who looked like a walking bus, her self-esteem was a little low and appreciated being wanted in such a carnal way. It was nice to know she was still desirable even though her walk resembled a penguin's. Joss shivered as her body responded to the sensory overload and grappled for purchase as her hands snagged his forearms to keep her feet firmly planted on the ground.

He made a rough sound in the back of his throat as his mouth slanted on hers, both sucking in ragged pants through their noses, and she let out a tiny cry as his teeth scraped her bottom lip. John jerked back abruptly. His expression was shuddered as she watched him push away both physically and emotionally. Joss felt bereft having been consumed by his voracious possession to now nothing. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to ignore the way her body seemed to yearn for his.

Joss stared at him as he averted his gaze. She licked her wet, thoroughly-kissed, and, what felt like, swollen lips. "John…" she began, unsure of what to say. They barely knew each other yet the sparks between them burned brighter and hotter than anything she ever felt before. It felt like they were a brush fire in California in a drought…unstoppable and the more they tried to douse it, the more it grew.

"That shouldn't have happened," he said roughly as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm happy it did," she admitted and he looked at her sharply. She shrugged. "I haven't felt wanted in a very long time."

"Not since approximately nine months ago," he snapped with a very pointed look to her belly.

Joss lifted her chin. "Even before then. As you know my pregnancy was born out of trying to save my broken marriage not from desire," she stated.

"I don't want to want you, Joss." he said angrily; whether it was aimed at her, or not, she didn't quite know. Joss looked down and saw the large bulge pressing his jeans up knowing it had to be uncomfortable for him. "But it seems that my brain and my dick aren't on the same page."

Joss appreciated the bluntness. And she could understand John's plight because just days ago he was a homeless man ready to commit suicide, and didn't know what to do with this unexpected—and completely unwanted—attraction to a pregnant woman.

"Well I'm pregnant and want a man who just days ago wanted to kill himself, so I think we are both in the same boat of not wanting to want each other," she remarked gently. "But I'm attracted to you." she admitted candidly.

He looked at her. "I'm attracted to you Joss." he responded to her honesty with some of his own. "But you have to prepare for your son."

"If I wasn't pregnant would it change anything?" she wondered aloud.

"No. I'd still not want to do anything about our attraction."

"Is it because of Jessica?—you don't want to move on because you're comfortable with your loneliness?" she demanded. She saw through him. He was using this poor woman as a means to keep everyone at arms' length. There was another reason he was alone but she couldn't know what it was when he wouldn't tell her.

John didn't respond but instead he asked; "We agree to forget about that kiss?"

Forget that kiss?—ha, she'd likely be able to forget her name before she forgot that kiss. "It was anger induced and in the heat of the moment," she tried explaining it away. "We're still…what the hell are we, friends?"

He didn't look at Joss at all like how he looked at Harold and Grace but he kept that to himself. "I guess we did forge a friendship during these last few days," he muttered.

She smiled tentatively. Being friends was one step closer at prodding John into telling her all the secrets he was withholding. And when she was feeling lonely at night she now had the memory of his scorching kiss to keep her warm alone in bed.

* * *

AN: I'm sure every friend shares a steamy kiss, right? *snickers*

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN: Sorry I didn't get to post last week but I hurt my neck pretty badly and I just started to feel a bit better.**_

* * *

It was as if they hadn't kissed because the next day, they both operated as though it never happened. John called Harold yesterday with the names he received from Zoe but hadn't gotten back to them yet. This morning John had made her breakfast and she was feeling much better to eat. Joss even got to have her coveted, but lonely, single cup of coffee.

Both of their heads jerked away from the television screen they were watching when his phone rang. John stood instantly and she sat up lowering the TV set as he stalked to where his phone sat. Joss sat watching him avidly as he answered it.

"Tell me you got something Harold," he said without greeting his friend. John looked at her noticing the evil eye she was giving him and sighed. He approached the couch, sat down beside her, and put it on speakerphone. "Repeat what you said, Finch." he ordered.

"Of course, I searched up both the names you gave me. Anthony Marconi is the right hand man of Carl Elias, though he is just as elusive to find as his employer. From what I gathered from their sealed records is that both Elias and Marconi spent time at the same group home. Marconi was there for murdering his step-father. It seems they struck quite the friendship there. Carl Elias is the bastard son of the mafia Don Moretti."

"Don Gianni Moretti is Elias's father?!" Joss said in astonishment.

"Yes, he had an affair with Elias's mother and pitched Elias aside as just an illegitimate son," Harold agreed, distaste in his voice.

Joss sat absorbing the information. Moretti had been murdered three months ago and there were no leads into who finally downed the mob boss. There was no connection between Elias and Moretti until now. Before his murder there was Vincent DeLuca, who was murdered with the same knife that killed Elias's mother, which was an easy link to Carl Elias as the one behind the hit. Now Elias was the prime suspect of both murders and who knew how many more.

"I checked further into Anthony Marconi but there isn't anything really substantial," Harold continued with a frustrated sigh.

"Okay, how about the other name…Charlie Burton?" John asked, shifting gears.

"Now that is an interesting one, as far as I can tell he has no ties with Carl Elias. He's a high-school history teacher at Brighton Beach school district," Harold said.

Joss cut in. "And Brighton Beach is Russian territory. And we already know that Elias is waging an all-out war on the Russians."

John looked to her. "Do you know why he's after the Russians?" he asked, needing to be brought up to date on what was happening in the criminal underworld.

"Elias wants to unite the Italian families while flexing muscle. It wouldn't surprise me though if Elias gives up that plan and just executes all the heads of the five families to become the only player in town. He's ambitious enough to do it. The Russians have their tales tucked between their legs since Elias still has anonymity and has been able to slowly rise to power without them even knowing who the figurehead is," Joss answered John's question.

John nodded as he turned his attention back to his phone. "Do you have an address for this Charlie Burton?"

"I do. He lives in Brighton Beach close to the school that he works at. I'll text you the address," Harold offered.

"Thanks, send it to me now," John agreed and then hung up as he stood. "Does it seem strange to you that Zoe gave me a name of a man that doesn't have any apparent ties to Elias?"

"A little, especially since you slept with her for the information," she grumbled.

He nodded. "Zoe's information is never wrong which is why she's useful. There has to be a connection with this Charlie Burton and Carl Elias, which makes Charlie Burton very interesting."

Joss frowned. "Maybe they were at the same group home?"

"Harold would have found that out for us," John murmured thoughtfully. He looked at her questioningly. "Brighton Beach is Russian territory…"

"Yea, that's been already established for a while by the organized crime unit. I've helped them out here and there when some of my homicides wound up to be mob hits,"she stated, trying to figure out where John was going with this.

"Charlie Burton gets a firsthand look at the kids of the Russian families tied to organized crime. He can watch them as they grow, understand what makes them tick, and even meet their parents, who are Elias's enemies, at school functions. It would be a great way for someone that is trying to learn their enemies from within," he theorized.

Joss's eyes widened. "Are you saying you think that Charlie Burton and Carl Elias are one and the same?" she asked incredulously. It was crazy but yet made sense. No one would ever know since no one could positively identify Carl Elias.

"Just food for thought; Carl Elias's identity is a mystery even to the Russians. He could have easily got a fake alias and lived in the middle of Russian territory to learn his opponents because he simply could."

She nodded. "Elias is cunning enough to get away with something like that," she agreed. "Or it could be something as simple as Burton's loyal to Elias and is helping him out."

"Also could be true, we won't know until we do a little reconnaissance on Burton." John commented.

Joss watched as he took his phone and walked to the table closest to the door that rested his gun and picked it up. "I could come and help." she offered knowing she was going to get a quick refusal.

She wasn't disappointed. "No," he stated quick and sure. "If we're right and Charlie Burton is Carl Elias or a friend you'd be handing yourself to him."

"I had to try. You're basically heading straight into danger for me and I have to sit here twiddling my thumbs like a moron," she conceded frustration leaking into her voice.

John looked at her knowing this was rubbing her pride wrong. "Do something to keep your mind off it. Besides you'll be helping me with finding and capturing your ex," he reminded her.

"Yea, I know. I'll make dinner for us. Cooking should keep my mind off what you're doing for at least a little bit." she muttered as she followed him to the door. "Just…be careful, John," she admonished.

He turned back to look at her and smirked. "You care about me detective, I'm touched," he joked.

"I do," she agreed, taking his joke at face value. The smirk faded and he stared at her. "Don't do anything overly reckless. My son and I need you to come back."

John looked uncertain as confusion resided in his gorgeous blue eyes before the poleaxed expression was gone entirely. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he muttered and with that he turned and left.

* * *

He didn't like how used he was getting to being around Joss Carter; that and the fact that he was attracted to her. Try as he might he just couldn't forget that kiss they shared. John hadn't truly kissed a woman in a very long time. Sure he kissed a dozen or so women that were targets or done to seduce them for information; pleasurable for them, but work for him. The last woman he actually kissed because he wanted to kiss her was Jessica. Sex hadn't meant anything in years and kissing hadn't meant anything longer than that. In the CIA he was to use his sexuality as a tool done to extract information, or to distract a target's wife. He had long stopped thinking about sex as a pleasurable experience, but for some reason since he met Joss all he he seemed to think about was sex, which was ridiculous being she was nearly nine months pregnant.

John sighed as he shelved the thoughts and focused on the task at hand. It had taken a while to drive out to Brighton Beach. But he found Charlie Burton walking with a few other men. If this man was a high-school teacher than he was the president of the United States; the way the guy walked gave him away. John quietly followed the men as they walked up the boardwalk with the water at their left. Off in the distance John could see the ferry that would take them to Manhattan. He had been following them since they exited Burton's apartment complex which was modest and even followed them on the ferry to Stanton Island. Burton or Elias, if he was right, didn't appear as John was anticipating he would be. Bald headed, short, and stocky but judging from the way the other men flocked to him he was well respected which was necessary if you are this great criminal mastermind hell bent on taking over New York.

They boarded the ferry and John was surprised at the lack of other patrons which was another tell that that Charlie Burton wasn't as those he seemed. John, however, boarded along with them paying the fee and continued to follow them. The ferry set sail and it wasn't until they were halfway to Manhattan when it seemed things would finally get interesting. John feigned interest at staring out at the water while keeping an eye on the men to his right. They were watching him and conversing. He nearly smiled as they approached.

"You know who I am, don't you?" a man spoke.

John turned and realized it was Charlie Burton that spoke. "I was told your name is Charlie Burton," he admitted.

"But you don't believe it?" Burton asked.

"No."

"And why is that?"

John smiled a little as the three other men accompanying the man speaking were poised for battle. He could see them itchy to reach for their guns. "The men with you want to reach for their guns but haven't yet. The ferry is completely scarce of other patrons. I assume the captain is under your payroll as well. Besides, I spent years hiding in plain sight knowing you are almost always overlooked," he explained.

He waited a beat letting the men think they could take him before he moved as they went to draw their guns. John lunged forward as Elias ducked out of the way and grabbed the man to his left and swung him into the man that had a large scar crossing the side of his face which sent both men falling to the floor of the ferry. John pulled out his gun and shot the kneecap of the other man who collapsed in agony. He kicked the gun away from the man as the two that had fallen climbed to their feet. John pistol whipped the one before punching him, and then turned his full attention onto the man with the scar.

He threw a punch which John deflected and then went on attack. John knew how to overwhelm someone that was used to guns first than fists. Elias remained hunched down watching as Marconi fought valiantly but he was just outmatched. Elias saw the gun that his man dropped and crawled to it.

John flipped Marconi onto the ground before jamming the butt of his gun in the back of his head knocking the man out cold. He lifted his gaze to watch as Elias crawl forward towards the gun nearest him. John moved quicker than Elias and kicked the gun out of his reach and set the barrel of his gun to Elias's forehead.

Elias sat on his knees with Marconi knocked out cold beside him and he looked up at the man who held a gun's barrel directly between his eyes. "You're talented," Elias spoke admirably.

"Your men could use some work," John replied darkly. "They weren't much of a challenge. But then with the element of surprise you don't require skill, do you?"

Elias smiled. "Constructive criticism, I can take it, and I also could use a man like you. Would you like a job?" he inquired. Talented men like this one were so hard to find.

"Already have one; keeping Joss Carter safe," he threw out.

"So you're her bodyguard, my men said you were formerly a homeless man. No one knows your name or what you really want," Elias responded thoughtfully. "You seem to have the same anonymity as I do."

John didn't bother responding to him. "I could kill you right now," he said lowly. "But I won't unless you make me."

"Why?" Elias wondered.

He stepped back and lowered his gun as the ferry was closing in on Manhattan. "I have my reasons. So in exchange for your life and the lives of your friends I want you to lift that bounty off her head now," he explained coldly.

"And what makes you think I'd do that?" Elias asked.

John shrugged. "You have little choice unless of course you prefer death than ending a bounty on a detective's head that means nothing to you." he replied as he aimed the gun at his head once more.

"But apparently she means everything to you," Elias commented, unable to not be intrigued by this man that clearly was following them and made no bones about it. Judging by the skill he brought his men down with, this man could have easily hid without them ever realizing they were being followed. It was as if this man had wanted them to know he was stalking them.

"Time's ticking, Elias…."

Elias nodded. "Alright, I'll call off the bounty. But I won't stop looking for the detective. She's the means to bring me Paul Carter who got a man I cared about killed. He has to pay for that."

John lowered his gun. "I'll bring you Paul Carter. No one touches Joss," he all but growled. "That goes beyond this mess with her loser husband. Even if she manages to arrest you someday because she'll gun for you; you go after her and I'll put you, your friends, everyone into the ground. Got it?" he vowed, as it wasn't a threat but rather a promise. He hoped Elias knew the distinction.

"Yes, you have my word that your detective is on my 'do not kill' list from now til forever," he promised. John arched a brow waiting for him to call off the dogs. Elias smiled as he pulled his phone out and proceeded to do so. He hung up the phone. "All done, the bounty has been lifted but I could always place it once more if you don't bring me Paul Carter in a timely manner."

"I'll be in touch, _Charlie_ ," John assured, noting that the ferry docked. He pocketed their gun at the back of his pants, turned, and casually got off the ferry before disappearing in the throng of men and women as they moved about, as if he hadn't just brought a criminal mastermind to his knees, literally.

* * *

AN: BOOM! Anyways, I wanted to keep things from the show but twist them and quicken the pace of them happening because it would fit the timeline of my story better.

Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

"How did it go?" Joss asked when John entered.

John hung up his coat and put the guns away as he inhaled the sweet aroma of something cooking from the kitchen making his stomach rumble. "I got the bounty removed off your head but I think for your and your son's safety you should stay with me until it's all over. Elias claimed you were on his 'do not kill' list but I don't trust him especially since you seem to want to try to capture not only him but Paul too," he told her.

Joss gaped at him. Elias had a 'do not kill' and a 'kill' list, seriously? "Do I even want to know how you managed to get him to remove the bounty?" she muttered.

"Not really. But now we need to find Paul. I only managed to get him off your heels with the promise of bringing Paul to him. Tomorrow we'll split up; you head to Spencer's and get him to call Paul with fake information of Elias showing up. We'll get Finch to do another trace once I'm nearby and then I'll nab the bastard."

"Once you do, I'll call Fusco and we can set up a sting operation to not only bring in Paul but Elias too," Joss added to his plan.

"Are you sure you want to do that? Is Paul really someone worth saving at the risk of having Elias retaliate against you or your son? I can't be certain that Elias won't change his mind and have every low class criminal after you if you put him in jail."

"I have to try. I can't just let Elias walk out of that meeting with Paul and no way of stopping the bastard. Besides, you can identify Elias so you are going to have a target on your back. It's for the best if we contact the police and try to get Elias as well as Paul. Both would be off the streets; both in Rikers where they belong," she rationalized.

He sniffed the air again. "What are you cooking that smells so good?" he asked changing the subject.

She grinned. "My very own specialty: tamales. But I needed some ingredients which were another reason why I wanted to head out to get stuff yesterday. It took me a few hours but it kept my mind off where you were," she explained.

"You know how to make homemade tamales?"

"Yep, and they're good too!" she assured. He smiled a little at how sure she was of that fact. Even if they weren't he would lie. John let her lead him to the kitchen where the dinner was already set. The food was in the center waiting to be eaten.

John pulled out her chair for her, which made her smile, making him wonder what kind of manners did Paul have, if any, and once she was settled he sat himself. "Bon appétit," she murmured as she watched him like a hawk as he picked up his fork and cut into the tamale. It smelled divine. He placed the hot food into his mouth, grateful it had sat out so he didn't burn his tongue, and moaned.

"Is that an 'oh my god this is good' moan or more of an 'oh my god what the hell did I put into my mouth' one?" she asked anxiously. Joss didn't just cook her tamales for anyone. Even Paul hadn't had them very often. He didn't really like them and it was an old family recipe.

"It's the first variety," John said as he took a sip of the Deep red and peppery Merlot from Harold and Grace's wine collection. They had some of the finest wines. He noted that Joss was drinking water.

She smiled before taking a bit of it herself. She sighed as she ate it. "Man, if I get sick it will be worth it," she muttered. Joss forgot how much she truly enjoyed this.

"Do you get sick often from the pregnancy?"

Joss shrugged. "Sometimes, the pregnancy hasn't been too bad. I know some women have it far worse than what I've dealt with. I've had back pain, some bouts with morning sickness, and other things but overall not too bad," she answered downplaying some of it. Complaining about the woes of pregnancy wouldn't change them. She'd just grin and bear through it because the end result would be worth it…her son in her arms.

John nodded as he ate. "I've never really been around a pregnant woman," he admitted.

She looked up. "Really?—so you're not the oldest who was around watching momma bear more siblings and help protect them from the big bad world?"

"I didn't have siblings," he answered vaguely.

Joss immediately wanted more. "You were the only child?" she asked trying to not seem too eager for fear he'd clam up and stop talking. This was the first remotely personal thing he mentioned since he told her about what happened to him.

"Yes," he responded, still vaguely. She huffed and he looked up a little crooked smile that was so endearing appeared on his face. "Not the answer you were interrogating for?"

"I wouldn't have to interrogate you if you'd just answer something without making it like pulling teeth," she replied, irritably, but secretly enjoying the bantering.

"Joss, that part of my life is dead."

"Just like the rest of you?" she challenged.

"Maybe," he answered rising to her bait.

"Well, when you kissed me you seemed pretty alive to me." That sort of kiss could short circuit a brain, turn a heart into dust, and make a body quiver with lust. And his kiss did all three to her, not that she would admit to anyone other than herself.

John scowled. "I thought we agreed to forget about that mistake?"

She shrugged. "I'm just saying. You feel like a living, breathing, and passionate man to me," she explained simply.

He looked away and focused on eating. She picked a more neutral topic to talk about that was an interest to them both: guns. Before long she got him talking about good 80s action flicks and noticed the tension lining his shoulders flee as he became more open to talking when it wasn't centered on him. They retired to the living room still in a heated debate over who was the better action hero: Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"No way is Sylvester Stallone the better action hero over Arnie!" Joss exclaimed with exasperation. " _Conan the Barbarian_ , _The Terminator_ …I mean he has the most iconic line ever with 'I'll be back'! What does your boy have?" she contested.

He smirked at how animated and invested she had gotten into their debate. "Easy, I have two names for you Joss: Rambo, and Rocky Balboa." John announced, using his index finger and middle finger to count them off for her.

She scoffed. "Okay since we can't decide on who is the better of the two; can we both agree, at least, that Bruce Willis is the dark horse 80s action hero because of _Die Hard_?" she asked.

He leaned his head back and laughed. "I'll agree to that. But you're forgetting another dark horse who doesn't get nearly enough credit for his action flicks in the 80s…"

"Who?"

"Chuck Norris."

"Don't you mean: _Walker Texas Ranger_?"

John groaned. "Damn that show…" he grumbled.

She giggled and then she felt a distinct kick in her stomach from her little man. Joss, without thinking, grabbed John's hand and put it to her stomach wanting to share it with him. "Taylor's having a kick out of conversation, literally,"she stated and held his hand over her stomach waiting for Taylor to kick again. He didn't disappoint. Joss looked to John and saw the wonder in his eyes as he felt her son kick against her.

"Does it hurt?" he asked as he reached his other hand up to rest it on her stomach.

She shook her head. "No. It just feels a little weird at first. But once you feel it you almost want to feel it all the time. It humbles you to know you're growing a tiny person inside you." she said softly. When Taylor walloped her again John looked up with a grin that stole her breath, and they both froze. Since putting John's hand on her stomach she didn't anticipate how close he'd be, now that he had both hands on her stomach was actively looking for the kick his face was awfully close to hers.

She fought the crazy urge to let her gaze slip to his mouth, which she knew was parted since she felt his breathing on her lips, or they both were doomed. Damn but fighting against this crazy attraction between them was getting harder and harder to do because she was having trouble remembering why they should in the first place. _You're pregnant Joss, he's not really attracted to you_! Joss reminded herself. It was the situation, not them.

Joss didn't know who leaned in first, or was it a combination of both of them, but their lips were touching almost hesitantly. She let out a loud sigh as she pressed her lips more firmly to his and felt the tension vibrating within him. _Ah, fuck it, who was she kidding it wasn't the situation, it was them_. Then as if a floodgate was opened and they were kissing hard and urgently. Her hand still captured his to her stomach as their mouths got reacquainted. She moaned as she slid her tongue alongside his and tasted him. And he tasted just like the rest of him: wonderfully male.

But, this time, she was the one to end the kiss first. "John," she whispered breathlessly. What she truly wanted to say she wasn't entirely sure but it didn't matter because John was climbing off the couch looking angry.

"What the hell is this?" he snarled but she realized his anger wasn't at her but himself.

Joss looked up at him feeling about as confused as he was. But she answered as if the question was directed to her; "I have no clue, John. I tried to convince myself that you can't possibly be attracted to me because I'm pregnant. But I no longer believe that."

He anxiously ran a hand through his hair. "Pregnant or not Joss, you're quite possibly the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. But I don't want this."

She stared up at him. "You think I do?—I have this little guy coming and I thought I was through with men for the next eighteen years because after Paul…sex isn't worth the heartache," she murmured. Shaw had thought she had brain damage for saying she didn't want sex.

John stared at her. "I think we need to hurry up and get this over with so you can go back to your life and I can get back to mine."

Joss couldn't stop from asking; "What life did you have, John?"

He glared at her darkly, clearly unhappy with the question.

"You should know that the only way I could get my pride to accept your help was that I convinced myself that I'd save you from yourself as a way to repay you," she added softly.

John looked away. "You already did, he rasped roughly and with that he stalked to his room and closed the door on more than just their conversation, leaving Joss alone with only her thoughts to keep her company.

* * *

" _You already did."_

Joss couldn't erase it from her mind. Did she really save John from himself? Or was he just saying that she had to get her to back off? She wouldn't put it past him at lying but she was pretty good at telling lies and he sounded sincere. Judging by how upset he was by it, it was probably the truth. But did that mean she wouldn't have to worry that the moment she was safe from Elias that he wouldn't get himself killed? And what would happen once they resolved Elias from following her to get Paul? Was she really supposed to go back to her life and forget about him? She couldn't. Joss knew that in her heart. They had something special. It was unique, tangible, and powerful.

She frowned as she needed to talk to someone and that someone was Shaw. The woman was bawdy, crass, and altogether the worst person to be good friends with and yet she was her best friend aside from Lionel. Perhaps it was Shaw's brutal honesty that drew her to the small Persian brunette with the bad attitude, but she wouldn't trade Shaw's friendship for anyone else's, because it was real and genuine. Shaw didn't sugarcoat things and said what she meant, and that Joss could appreciate.

Shaw answered on the third ring, with a sharp but clipped 'What do you want?'

"Hey Shaw, it's Carter," she greeted.

The voice on the other end softened…a tiny bit, which was Shaw's soft voice. "Where the fuck have you been? I got some lame ass call from Fatco about you taking some personal leave."

"Shaw…it's Fus-co!"

"Whatever, and now you're calling me on something that isn't your regular number…is it Paul? Are you finally going to let me cut off his dick and make him eat it?" Shaw demanded bluntly.

"No," Joss sighed.

"No to which, Carter, because I got the perfect butter knife to snip that baby carrot off."

Joss smiled despite herself. "No to cutting his dick off and making him eat it, Shaw," she murmured. Joss could have sworn she heard a wistful sigh. "But I took personal leave off from work and am in trouble because of Paul," she admitted. Shaw always gave her honesty which she always reciprocated in return.

"Oh, now it doesn't matter if you give me your blessing! That asshole is mine!"

"Shaw, simmer down and listen to me: Paul is a maniac, stay clear of him," Joss ordered stiffly. "My predicament is Paul's fault in a roundabout way," she began her explanation.

"How so?"

"Paul got tangled up with Elias but ended up double crossing him which got someone that Elias's cares about dead."

"And Elias is coming after you because the coward slithered off for some hole in the ground and left his pregnant wife hanging with the mess," Shaw finished for her, sounding more and more angry with each word she spoke.

"Yes…."

"Yep, that's it…I'm going to kill him! Where the hell are you? I'll come get you. No one really knows we're friends, or at least no one believes that I have a friend. And if Elias or his goons want to get you they'll have to go through me,"Shaw vowed.

Joss smiled. She could almost see all of Shaw's five foot three inches puffing up as she brought herself to full height. The woman weighed barely hundred and ten pounds, and ate like she weighed three hundred, but don't tell Shaw she is tiny or you'd feel the wrath. Besides, her personality disorder that caused her sour disposition added like another foot or two onto her. She never backed down from a fight and Joss was more than a little surprised that the woman never decided to further her military career. But then her job she worked suited her well.

"I'm someplace safe, Shaw. In fact this burner phone that I'm calling you is untraceable and given to me from a friend of a friend," she assured wanting Shaw to be relieved.

"Who is this friend?" Shaw asked. "From what Fusco said he hasn't seen you and as far as I know me and him are your only two friends."

"That reminds me that I need to get out more once I have my little man and meet some new people," Joss murmured trying to keep the conversation off of John.

"Carter…" came a rough growl.

Joss had a half of mind just ignoring her friend's wishes and just change the subject but couldn't. Shaw was always on the up and up with her; if she didn't reciprocate that meant that Shaw wouldn't have to in the future either.

"I met him a few days ago on the subway when I was trying to escape Elias who sent men to my home to abduct me. His name is John and he was a homeless man who was about to commit suicide." she explained quietly. Joss waited and on the other end it was dead silence. "Shaw?"

"You're with a hobo with a death wish as your backup?—and this to you is your idea of being safe?" Shaw demanded incredulously. If it wasn't such a serious conversation she would have laughed at Shaw's high pitched voice. It was sweet of her to worry but she was fine.

"Yes. John isn't the average homeless man."

Shaw snorted derisively. "Seriously Carter, where are you so I can get you?"

Joss proceeded to tell her everything so that Shaw could understand that John wasn't a threat to her. She told her everything from the moment they met up until dinner but left off the couple of kisses they shared seeing it was her business and not Shaw's.

"So…is he hot?" Shaw asked finally after digesting everything her friend said. Shaw honed in on everything that Carter said, and she was very careful not to tell her what this frog prince looked like.

"Excuse me?"

"It's a simple question Carter; is he hot?" she demanded. Silence followed. Carter wasn't willing to share which was an answer all the same. "So he is."

"I didn't say he was or wasn't," Joss pointed out.

"Your lack of answer is answer enough, Carter. If he was an ogre you would have just said so. So what does John look like?"

"Like a man," Joss answered annoyed.

Shaw snickered. "Mega hot, eh?"

"You're aggravating,"

"And making those hormones run even more wild than due to your pregnancy. You look and feel like a blimp but not with him. And he makes you want to take a dark and fast ride on his engorged…"

"Okay, yes, fine, he is sexy!" Joss stated angrily. "I'm hanging up now. I wanted to call you so you didn't worry and this is the treatment I get for that."

"Please, you just want to dream about your frog prince. But have the unrated version that's not like those lame Disney movies with their G bullshit," Shaw instructed.

Joss smiled. Shaw was always a good call as the woman could almost always put her in a better mood though without trying. "Goodnight, Shaw,"

"Goodnight, Carter, have _sweet_ dreams."

* * *

AN: I had to include Shaw.

Thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

Joss sat uncomfortably on Frank Spencer's lumpy couch. She was tired and her nerves were shot. Knowing that the end was near with Elias was making her extra jumpy from adrenaline. However, she was tired because of John, what turned out to be a nice dinner and wonderful moment between them of feeling Taylor kick, had turned quickly into deeply personal conversation that neither of them had been ready for. But she wasn't going to fret, especially since John didn't give the appearance that what transpired last night had any lingering effects, he was acting as if it hadn't happened. But she was beginning to learn that was just his way of dealing with things. He compartmentalized things quite well, and he set aside his possible feelings for her to do the job at hand. And the job at hand was apprehending Paul for the even exchange: her life for Paul's. Though she was adding the wrinkle in with the police, which John didn't approve of but didn't actively dispute either.

She glanced at Frank who had gotten her water out of politeness. It had been awkward since she came here by taxi. John had been upset when she suggested that she be the one to take the taxi. But he couldn't argue it would be easier to transport a man against his will in their car rather than a taxi. They remained in constant communication until she arrived at Frank's. Joss was sure if there was a way for John to have arranged for someone to be there with her he would have sent in his own form of backup.

"So all I have to do is call him, keep him on the line for as long as I can again, and then I'm done?" Frank asked again, for what seemed like the millionth time.

Joss nodded, knowing it was nerves for him too. "Yea, and your part is over. I'm sorry we need to use you like this but it's our only way of finding him," she softly, sympathetic to his situation.

He shrugged. "If this is a way for you to forget that I knew where he was and wasn't helping the police find him then so be it. Isabella means everything to me and I can't lose her. She'd divorce me in a heartbeat if she knew I chose to help a criminal evade police," he admitted.

"I can tell you love her," Joss agreed.

Frank smiled and he looked younger. "That I do. Just too bad we couldn't have one on the way like you are," he said with sadness seeping into his voice.

"Why can't you?" she wondered, trying to not pry too much.

He looked down at his cup of coffee. "We've tried everything. Exhausted all the different avenues to get pregnant and nothing has worked. Isabella and I are at wit's end."

"Have you ever thought of adoption?" she asked.

Frank looked back up startled. "Honestly?—no, we were focused on getting pregnant ourselves."

She nodded. "What about surrogacy?"

He shook his head. "No, we won't do that. I will not make my wife feel inferior to other women because she can't bear our children herself," he said quickly and sternly. It was something that must have come up.

Joss smiled. "Well I think adoption is something to think about. It's obvious that you and your wife are good people."

"How can you think that?"

Ah, guilty conscience was rearing its head huh? She reached out and rested a hand over his. "You're not a bad man, Frank. Should you have come to the police, yes, but you're helping now. And I'm not going to let Paul be murdered by Elias. We just need Elias to think he has won so he'll leave me be. I'm going to send both Elias and Paul to prison where they belong."

"You're a good woman, Joss Carter."

She shrugged. "Once you're finished calling Paul your part in this is over and you can focus on getting on with your life and having that child you and your wife desperately want."

Not even five minutes later John called her up. "Have Frank call. I'm in Brighton Beach and in position," he instructed.

It was no wonder why Paul fled to a Russian led territory of the city, if only Paul knew that Elias was posing as a teacher teaching the Russian students to learn his foes from the inside, that the danger lurked closer than he thought. Joss placed John on speakerphone before motioning at Frank to begin his call. She didn't know how this was going to work but John seemed adamant it would. No doubt Harold had gotten John some illegal tools to wiretap Frank's phone to hear the conversation which in turn should make the trace be a cinch for Harold.

Paul, once again, answered immediately and without a pleasantry. "Who visited you this time? Was it Joss again?"

"No. But some guy did; he didn't give me a name but he was asking if I'd seen you," Frank lied. Joss motioned for him to keep him on the line for as long as before. It had been a few minutes before John had let Frank get off the phone.

"Did he have a scar on the side of his face?" Paul asked quickly.

Joss nodded. Frank immediately answered; "Yes!"

A litany of curses fled from Paul's mouth. "That guy is Marconi; he's Elias's right hand man. He didn't threaten you did he?"

"Not really, but he made comments about Isabella being a nice woman which means he has been watching her, Paul. I tried to help you but I can't do this, I can't have Isabella hurt because I chose to protect you," Frank said, sounding like he wasn't lying this time. Joss prayed he didn't give their ruse away.

"Shit Frank, I'm sorry; I never meant for you to get hurt. Get out of town and take Isabella with you. I can wire you some money."

Joss stiffened. Oh, he could help Frank and Isabella but he left her and Taylor to fend for themselves with only a flimsy warning. Frank seemed to take exception to it as well. "No. I can take care of myself and my wife, Paul, which is more than what I could say about you."

She looked at her watch and hoped John was getting the trace going because it sounded like Frank was gearing up to lay a major guilt trip on Paul, which could result in his hanging up on him.

"Whaddya mean?"

"Paul, you told me just the other day that you did all you could for Joss which isn't true. You could have helped her or protected her as you are suggesting for me."

Paul scoffed. "First, Joss wouldn't touch a dime of my money. She'd tell me it was tainted with blood in her holier than thou attitude. Besides the moment I'd show my face around her she'd have me arrested."

Paul had her pegged because both of those statements were true. She would refuse taking money from him because she knew where it came from. And she would have had him arrested the moment she saw his face.

"You don't know that, Paul, I'm pretty sure Joss would do anything to protect her child even though it seems you couldn't care less about it."

"If all you're going to do is bitch at me I'm hanging up," Paul threatened.

Frank looked at her and Joss motioned for him to keep him on the line for a little bit more. She turned off speakerphone and moved from the room as Frank kept the conversation going as he apologized for arguing with him. Joss put the phone to her ear.

"How much more time do you need John?" she asked quietly.

"Harold is working on finishing the trace right now and texting me the location. Try to have Frank keep him on the line as long as possible so I can get where he is before he leaves." John said.

Joss kept her phone to her ear but entered the living room once more and saw Frank was looking worried which meant that Paul must be getting close to hanging up.

"If that's everything…"

Frank looked panicked. "What should I do if he comes back, Paul?"

"I already gave you options," Paul snapped.

"But I can't just walk away from my job. I help people and they rely on me being there," Frank disputed.

"You're a therapist in the VA, you barely get paid anything and can find a better living elsewhere. Fuck the people you are helping, they would do it to you if they were were in your shoes," Paul groused. "Now I have to go."

John spoke up; "He texted me the address. I'm headed there now."

"Hurry," she whispered.

It seemed Paul enjoyed Starbucks because he was there again at this time of day. John sped quickly so that Paul wouldn't leave before he got there. He had heard how close Paul was to hanging up. John swerved into the parking lot of the Starbucks to get eyes and ears on him. He couldn't very well abduct him here or he'd have the police looking for him. He had to be patient with this. Joss had showed him a photo of Paul, the last one she had of him was when he had been pretending to be a doting husband and not a raging sociopath.

John climbed out of his car and entered the Starbucks scanning his surroundings casually. He paused when he found him sitting in the corner, with the phone near his ear, looking agitated. John pulled out his phone and proceeded to force-pair with his phone. Paul angrily pulled the phone away and it beeped, which signaled the force-pair was complete. John immediately turned on his GPS already installed on his phone, so it would be easy to track the man.

He moved in line to the front where the barista was patiently waiting to take his order. He ordered a normal black coffee which seemed to humor the flirty young woman. But when he didn't respond to her overtures moved on.

"Here you go," she murmured handing him his coffee cup.

"Thank you," he mumbled before handing her a twenty, which was way more than what the cup of coffee was, and turned.

When it appeared Paul wasn't ready to leave he sat down at the table behind him and watched him covertly as he sipped his coffee. Clearly what Frank said angered Joss's loser husband as he smacked the table with his fist in frustration. John smiled into his cup knowing his bad day was just going to get worse. The moment he stood, John did as well and followed him out. John threw his half-drunk coffee into the trash and headed to his car as Paul began walking down the sidewalk. He pulled out of the parking lot after giving the man a head start.

John picked his phone up and tracked Paul. He was living in an apartment building that looked pretty sketchy on the outskirts of Brighton Beach. He took a photo of the place and sent it to Harold for him to find out what he could on the place. John sat parked at the curbside. Before entering the section of town, he received a phone call from his friend.

"What do you have for me, Harold?" he asked.

"That place is the Double Bs,' even the Russians don't go in there because it is run by a Bulgarian drug dealer, perhaps even Elias won't go there himself," Harold answered.

"But is the perfect place for a man trying to hide out from Elias and the police until he can think up his next move," John murmured as he pulled around the back of the dingy and dilapidated motel. "Thanks Harold…"

"Don't mention it, John. If you need anything else, I'm just a call away," Harold offered before hanging up.

John exited the car and walked unhurriedly to the complex that didn't have any security cameras, doorman, or armed guards. This was going to be a cake walk. He kept his phone out and followed the GPS coordinates as he entered the apartment complex. Apparently Paul was on the second floor which did anger him a bit, not wanting to carry him down a flight of stairs.

John went up the flight of stairs and followed the coordinates to the end apartment on the hall. He knocked on the door as he put his phone back into his pocket. It took several minutes and a few more knocking before finally Paul slid the door open just a crack.

"What do you want?"

John smiled. "Have you heard of Armageddon?" he asked.

Paul made a face. "Are you one of those doomsday preppers getting ready for the 2012 apocalypse?—get with it man, it ain't gonna happen. Now leave me the fuck alone, I don't want whatever you're selling…" he stated and went to slam the door shut but John kicked it open, surprising him.

"I meant your own personal Armageddon, Paul Carter. I'm here for you," he vowed as he disarmed Paul as the man went to aim the gun at him, he wrenched his hand to the right, hard, and kicked it well away from the man before he could react.

"You work for him, don't you?" Paul growled as he backed up.

John smiled. "If you're referring to Elias the answer is no, I do not. I'm here on behalf of your pregnant wife, you know, the one you left behind and don't give a damn about. You see, I made a deal with Elias, she remains safe if I bring you to him and I will do whatever it takes to make her safe," he explained as he stalked the smaller man. John was measuring him up knowing that Paul wasn't going to go without a fight.

"Fuck you and fuck her!" Paul shouted as he lunged forward and John grinned, wanting a brawl.

John blocked the blow and immediately followed up with one of his own that, surprisingly, Paul blocked. Apparently he would have a challenge. They were nearly on equal footing as both were steady with their attacks and defenses. Paul eyed him. "You have to be former military too," he muttered.

"Special Forces," John agreed, as he kept his focus on the task at hand.

Paul kicked as he reached for the knife he kept with him at all times, just for these moments without a gun, and when predictably the man went to block his blow he moved forward and jammed his knife into his side. John hissed but otherwise showed no sign of pain as he headbutted him and then pushed him back, making Paul stumble and collapse to the ground.

John sucked in a breath at the white hot fire in his side as he drew the blade from his side and pocketed it having a half of mind to slit Paul's throat with it. But he needed him alive, and Joss wouldn't be happy if he killed her husband in cold blood. He glanced at the window and waited for Paul to regain his bearings having an idea.

Paul sat up. "I won't let you take me to Elias to save Joss. You both can rot!" Paul growled as he stood and charged forward. John watched and waited for the right moment. As Paul came to tackle him to the ground John grabbed his arm as he charged towards him and spun him around towards the window and let go. Paul's forward momentum thrust him towards the window without being able to stop and he careened through it, shattering the glass as he let out a helpless cry as he went, disappearing from John's view. Breathing heavy and grabbing his wound to his side John moved to the window and hoped the bastard wasn't getting away. There on the ground laid Paul writhing in pain as he grabbed his leg that was bent in a very unnatural way. Good, he wasn't dead and he couldn't get away.

He exited the apartment and ran quickly down the steps and exited the same door he entered. No one was around as Paul screamed in pain. No one would care. Not here.

John moved toward him and he whimpered as he struggled to crawl away and John sighed. "You're coming with me one way or another, Paul." he assured. John assessed Paul's injury and noted he broke his femur, at least, in two spots. "That must hurt." he stated the obvious before grabbing and applying pressure on the break. The scream it produced made John smile. "That's for putting Joss in this mess in the first place." John whispered and with that he punched him in the face knocking him out.

John grabbed under his arms and dragged him to his car, popping the trunk. "Thanks for saving me the trouble for carrying your ass down the stairs," he remarked as he flopped Paul unceremoniously into the trunk and slammed it shut. The knife wound hurt like a bitch but it wasn't lethal. John climbed into his car and pulled out his phone to call Joss.

"Do you have him?" she asked softly, sounding nervous.

"Yes. Get home, quickly. I'm going to need help bringing him in. Harold should have already called the front desk to let them know we are bringing home an extra person." he murmured.

Quietness was soon followed by; "John, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just be there before I get back." he instructed and hung up.

* * *

AN: And so it begins :) I wanted Paul to have some equal footing in the fight since he was former military too except he is no match to John with his training from both the military and the CIA.

Thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

Joss waited for John in the parking garage of the apartment complex. She had immediately gotten a taxi back once John asked her to be there before he got back from Brighton Beach. John had sounded a little out of breath and a veiled tightness to his voice like he was trying to hide something from her. That alone riled up her suspicions as to why: did he kill Paul, was he injured, or did he lose Paul? Though the last she doubted, the first she hoped not, and the only other option made her heart nearly stop. The mere thought of John getting hurt because he was trying to help her was upsetting.

She looked up in relief as she watched Harold's car pull into the parking space designated for them. Joss hurried to the driver's seat and opened the door before he could even cut the engine. Inside the passenger seat was Paul Carter, out cold, and buckled in. She was surprised he wasn't in the trunk.

Joss shifted focus onto John who appeared fine and looked up at her. "With the way you despise Paul I was certain he'd be in the trunk," she admitted only half joking.

John smiled that crooked and endearing smile. "He was. But then I pulled over in a back alleyway just before here because I can't explain to the doorman that he's a friend if I'm unloading him from the trunk," he explained as he climbed out. And the little grimace of pain was all she needed to see to alert her to the fact that something was wrong with John.

"What are you hiding from me?" she snapped.

He looked at her startled then sighed. "Can't pull one by you, eh?"

"No. I pretty much see and hear everything," she agreed as she anxiously stood near him. "So may as well tell me or I'll just harass you until you do," she guaranteed and John knew she was right.

"It's nothing, just a little knife wound," he said as he fluffed it off.

Joss gaped at him before reaching for his jacket and unzipped it. Blood was oozing from a wound to his abdomen. "Oh my god," she whispered.

John immediately zipped his jacket with a glare. "We need to pretend nothing is different Joss. Paul is just a friend who is on a three day bender. Harold called the doorman in advance." he murmured as they rounded the car to get Paul. Joss swallowed her concern which had to wait until they were alone without any on-lookers. She steeled herself against reacting negatively the moment she saw Paul because she didn't know if anyone was watching. Joss internally grimaced as she saw Paul's face. John tugged him out and Joss stared at his leg. It looked broken. She looked at John instantly. "I'll tell you later," he muttered as he slung Paul's arm around his shoulders and wrapped his arms around Paul's torso and basically carried him with very little help from her.

Joss pasted on, what she hoped was, a cheery smile as they came to the doorman. "Hello," she greeted warmly as he opened the door for them.

"Yes, Harold, told us about your mutual friend that was in need of some assistance. Hopefully he gets over his wife soon," Eddie, the doorman, said. "Looks like he got into a brawl, poor guy, the lady must have been amazing."

Joss nodded because it was all she could think of doing. She led John as they entered the apartment complex and the concierge hit the elevator for them. Once in the elevator John dropped the act and let Paul fall to the ground so he could grab his abdomen. Joss ignored her husband as she moved to his side. "Are you sure it's no big deal?" she hissed.

"Flesh wound, didn't hit anything vital but hurts like a bitch, and won't stop bleeding." he admitted through gritted teeth. "Thankfully, Harold has a full stock of first-aid supplies. Harold's paranoia knows no bounds."

When the elevator doors opened John was all business again and she took the keys from him to unlock the door as she reluctantly left him to drag Paul along with them. Joss held the door open for him and waited until he was tucked inside to enter herself and lock up tight. John dragged Paul to the office and propped him up in the chair before tugging out zip-ties, tying him to the chair at the arm-rests, and the feet of the chair before tying a gag around his mouth. After he was tied up John closed the door as she hovered nearby.

She wrapped an arm around his elbow and tugged. "You are going to sit your ass down and get looked at," she stated, in a tone that dared him to defy her. He didn't. He let her simply pull him to the kitchen, let her remove his jacket, and shirt. Joss was left with her heart in her throat at the angry looking wound that was seeping blood.

"I'm fine," he said gently.

"Sit down, shut up, and let me patch you up." she growled, as she tugged out a chair with a menacing look, before storming away for the bathroom. Joss found everything she needed and then some before heading back out and was relieved to find that John had sat down as she requested. Joss pulled up a chair to work on cleaning the wound first to see if he needed some stitches. "So tell me what happened with Paul?"

John let her cleanse the wound. She sat working on him. "I found him and he didn't make it easy to come with me. He was a better fighter than I anticipated though I hadn't realized he had a knife on him."

Joss felt guilt race up her spine. "I did. Damn it, I should have warned you beforehand that he carries a blade. It's my fault why you got stabbed," she whispered. She felt a gentle touch to her hand and she looked up.

He was staring at her. "It was not your fault," he whispered gently.

"I should have told you that Paul used to always carry a blade; you might not have a stab wound right now had I," she argued.

"It worked out," he reassured her and Joss bit her tongue. No use in arguing about it; he already had the stab wound, and he wouldn't listen to it being her fault. So she went back on working on his wound and he further explained what happened. "Paul charged at me and I used his momentum to my advantage by swinging him around and let him fly out the second story window. He fell and broke his leg in two spots."

"Figured it was broken since it looks weird." she muttered. She peered close at his wound. "You're right, it doesn't look major. But you do need stitches."

He shook his head. "Just put super glue on it and I'll be fine."

"Super glue…in your wound."

"Yea, it works in a pinch and I don't have time to be sutured." he murmured as he sat up and reached into the first aid kit and picked up a small tube that was a variant of the super glue. "You'll need to squeeze the ends together for me." he instructed. Joss watched as he poured a liberal amount onto his wound and left her to squeeze the wound together. He winced and stiffened which were his only signs of distress. "You can let go now." Joss did so quickly hating that she had to hurt him. She glanced down at her hands that held his blood. He noticed. "I don't have a disease that you need to worry about."

Joss looked up crossly. "I wasn't even thinking that," she grumbled sourly. "I was thinking that I hate that I have your blood on my hands." and with that she stood and moved without another word to the sink and proceeded to wash her hands.

John quietly watched her from his seat before standing and moving towards the sink as well. "Joss, I'll be handing him over to the Elias tonight. It's better to get it over with quickly and at night,' he explained.

She looked at him and nodded. She wanted this over with too. But she couldn't help but worry about what came after they finally didn't have to worry anymore. Did he go back to being a homeless man with no future? How was she supposed to move on with her life without him in it? She had gotten used to him being there all the time. They forged a friendship, had an attraction that was like a wildfire, and the thought of never seeing him again left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Joss dried her hands. "I want to talk to Paul alone," she said.

John's look darkened. "I don't think that's a good idea, Joss. He'll just upset you and you need to think about the baby."

"I know what I'm doing. I won't let him upset me," she reasoned. "And you won't stop me," she added. John glared at her and she glared right back. Although now that she wasn't worried he was going to bleed to death she could now appreciate his solid, sexy male form. Muscles, manly hair, and hot male skin were making her knees feel weak. "Put a shirt on for the love of god," she grumbled before whirling around and moving for the room John put Paul in.

John merely watched her go without saying another word. Stubborn didn't begin to cover Joss Carter. 

* * *

She entered the office where Paul was tied up and pulled up the only other chair in the room. Joss stared at him before putting her fingers into her mouth and blew hard, making a loud whistle happen. Paul jerked a little and then moaned in pain. She had half a mind to give his broken leg a good ole' punch for everything he said and done.

"Rise and shine," she stated as she snapped her fingers.

Paul's eyes opened and pain radiated in them before recognition exploded in them. Joss reached out and removed the gag from his mouth. "Oh, thank god it's you, Joss. There is this fucking crazy man! He threw me from a second story window and I broke my leg. You have got to me out of here. He claims he's doing this for you but you didn't hire no bounty hunter to find me, I know that. You hired him to bring me to you to save me. That's so you," he murmured, turning on what little charm he had. But she remained seated. "Joss, baby, you got to help me escape or Elias will kill me!"

She stared at him not moving. Her stomach rolled at being called 'baby' from him. "You mean the man I've been hiding out from."

"Yea, that's why I contacted you to protect you. I would have done more but I couldn't because it was better off if you weren't anywhere near me," he explained. She wondered how he could lie to her while looking her in the eye.

Joss tried to smile but failed. "Is that really the reason you didn't do more, Paul?" she asked.

"Of course," he snapped. "You're pregnant with my child, Joss. That means everything to me."

Joss stared at him knowing it wasn't true but wanted him to actually admit it, to cut the crap for once and for all. "Does it?"

"Joss, if you don't want to believe me that's on you but untie me or that crazy bastard is going to take me to Elias! Don't get me killed, baby, because of your stubborn pride!" he declared as he wiggled on the chair grimacing with pain as he struggled to not move his broken leg. Joss stared at him. Had she not known what he said to Frank on the phone she probably would have believed him, not because he was all that convincing but because she wouldn't want to believe the man she used to love was a pile of human trash! "For Christ's sake Joss, untie me! I need to get the hell out of New York and get some hospitalization…the crazy fucker broke my leg."

Her anger bubbled up at the fact that he was still not taking responsibility. "I'm the one that's going to get you killed? You were the one that double crossed Elias and got his friend murdered. Take responsibility for your actions Paul, better later than never," she stated stonily.

"Do you really want our kid to grow up without a father?" he snapped.

Joss lifted her chin. "Giving you to Elias or not won't change the fact that my son will be growing up without a father."

"You mean, _our_ son," he threw up in her face.

"No, I meant _my_ son. You have no rights to him. Didn't you say that I have more balls than most men do and that it truly didn't matter to you that I was pregnant and on the run from Elias, a man who is only after me because of you?"

She watched as Paul's face changed. "You were there listening in on my conversation with Frank. You were there when he called the first time!"

Joss nodded. "I was there both times he called you. How the hell do you think John found you?" she wondered. She watched unimpressed as he thrashed in the chair, angry as hell, and then paled in pain from his leg. "You were right; I have every intention of sending your sorry ass to Elias. You sealed it for me when you didn't give a damn about my son."

"When I get out of this, I'll kill you myself!" he snarled.

Joss stared at him. "What happened to you, Paul?" she asked quietly. Never in her life did she believe her husband would ever hurt her, but this man that was sitting in front of her would.

"Fuck, Joss, I got with the times. Being a good person gets you nowhere. I found something that I'm good at and went with it. I made a mistake that got one of Elias's men killed and now he's after me, and you're just going to hand me over to him. How are we different?—you're signing my death warrant."

Joss moved fast and slapped him across the face. He sat stunned before looking up at her. "I am nothing like you," Joss stated with a cool calm. "I am not signing your death warrant. You did that yourself when you double crossed Elias and got a friend of his killed. It wasn't a mistake. You knew what you were doing and you ran like the sissy coward you are. I'm cleaning up the mess you made with John's help."

"So that's it…you're just going to hand me over to Elias?—you could save me, Joss. You could send me to prison for the crimes I've committed. I'll confess to them all, I swear it. Just don't give me to Elias."

"And what about me?" she demanded.

"What about you?" he snapped.

Joss laughed humorlessly. "Open your damn eyes, Paul. The only reason the bounty was lifted off my head was if John brought you to Elias. What happens when we renege on the deal?" she asked. "Do you really think I'm going to choose your life over my son's?"

"You're a heartless bitch."

Joss smiled without warmth. "And you're a dickless coward. Time to pay the piper, Paul, you've killed many people…did you ever stop to wonder if they were scared to die? Probably not, not when you were about to get paid, so you could go find that fancy hooker to spread her legs for you so you could have your minute of ecstasy," Joss snarled, knowing she was hitting his male ego and rubbing salt into the wounds. The rage built on his face. She pulled the gag up. "Goodnight Paul," she turned on him as he let out loud screams into the gag and she closed the door on him and her past.

* * *

AN: We all know that Joss won't just hand him over but Joss deserved to make Paul quake in fear, and she needed to get some of her anger out.

Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

Joss hadn't come out of her room since leaving where Paul was. John had checked in on the man. He pulled the gag off to immediately put it back on as the man begged for him to spare his life. Apparently Joss hadn't let the man in on the fact that she was going to call the police and tell them where to be at to get not only Paul Carter but also Carl Elias into custody, and he wasn't going to ruin her secret. John walked by her door several times, a few times stopping to listen in, and heard nothing, before moving on with his restless pacing. He was worried what Paul could have said to her. Joss wasn't one to lock herself away in a room and so help him if Paul said anything that made her cry he would decapitate him for upsetting her.

John tried to give her privacy; tried until he couldn't. His care, as unwelcome as it was, for her and her unborn child made him march up to her door and knock on it heavily. She opened the door and looked like hell. Her face was splotchy from crying, her nose red, and more tears brimmed in her eyes.

Fury burned through his veins. Yep, Paul was a dead man before he ever made it to Elias. "I'm going to make him suffer before handing him over to Elias," he vowed darkly.

"Please don't John," she whispered.

John worked his jaw. "But he made you cry," he rasped gruffly.

"Yes…no…not really, he said nothing that was surprising," she answered before shocking him as she flung her arms around his neck seeking comfort. John stiffened, not from the fact that her touch was unwanted, but because of the polar opposite as he felt an uncomfortable desire to hold her and never let her go. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, with her protruding belly nestled safely between them, and held her. "I'm crying because I'm upset with myself." she whispered in his ear.

"Why?"

"I can't _call_ him," her voice cracked on 'call'.

"Can't call who?" he asked gruffly, his arms seemingly unable to let her go.

"Fusco." she answered shortly. "I can't make myself call him. I know if I hand Paul over to Elias without calling Fusco that I'll lose a chance at arresting Elias and saving Paul from death, but, I can't stop thinking that if I do and double crossing Elias to save Paul that I'll be dooming my son. But if I don't call the police I'd be letting Elias take Paul, and he'll be murdered and I did nothing to stop it."

John tightened his hold on her as she let out tiny sobs. He knew what he'd do but his moral code was shaded grayer than hers was or ever would be. Joss was a good person while he was not. His aggravating attraction to this woman he had convinced himself had been purely lust but this new feeling had nothing to do with lust. Her spirit, her unwavering resolve, and just everything about her ensnared him. John knew without a doubt he never met a woman quite like the one in his arms, and he knew he never would again.

"You can still call the police, Joss. I warned Elias that you're under my protection no matter what. Anyone lays a finger on you at his behest I will kill him even if Elias is in prison and anyone loyal to him. I'll figure out a way to infiltrate it and make it look like suicide," he said softly in her ear.

Joss didn't stiffen in his arms at the rather dark promise. Rather it felt…comforting. Oh good lord, what was happening? The fact that John was taking her and her son's safety very seriously made her feel ridiculously sentimental, even though he was promising to kill people. It felt nice to mean something to someone but she couldn't let John do what he promised to do. She broke free of his hold and looked up at him. "Answer me honestly John; do you think Elias would heed that warning?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly as he felt lost without her touch. "But know this, Joss; I'm not saying anything that I don't mean. I will kill him if he tried to hurt you or your son."

She nodded. "I can't take the risk then. Not for you or me. I've gambled before and it paid off. I'm ballsy but not when what's at stake is my son's life. I rather wimp out than risk Taylor," she whispered.

John stared at her. "You are the bravest woman I've ever known Joss. The word wimp could never be applied to you," he told her, meaning every word. His words produced a little smile and he felt like he just won the lottery. He let out a disgusted sigh at himself before focusing on making things right for her. "What if there is a different way?—a way that won't appear as though we double crossed Elias and we still get him in prison? It won't save Paul, Joss, you need to know that up front. Paul is dead even if we get him hospitalized and in police custody," he murmured and she furrowed her brows. "Elias will have his men do it. If he can't get his hands physically on him himself he'll have someone else carry out the deed. Paul is good as dead no matter what you do so please don't expect anything else for him because you're setting yourself up for a heartache you don't deserve."

Joss knew it was true but it was tough to hear said so matter-of-factly. "How do we get Elias without reneging on our deal?" she asked quietly.

He looked angry now. "It requires us changing the timeframe in which we do this. We'll need to take Paul to Elias tomorrow so I can pick up a tracking device and plant it on Elias's car, but it will require your assistance," he admitted.

"I'll do anything for my son." she assured fast and sure.

John nodded. "We'll need to pay Charlie Burton a little visit at his school tomorrow." he murmured.

"Why?"

"If we want Elias to believe that you have nothing to do with the police capturing him then we're going to need to plant a tracking device on the vehicle used to pick Paul up with." John replied.

Joss frowned. "Yea but there is no way in hell Elias will use the car he uses as Burton not with the way he wants to have two separate personas."

"No, but if I give him a subtle prod into calling Marconi to show up at the school then we might get lucky. We'll put the tracker on Marconi's car because without a doubt Marconi will accompany Elias to pick up Paul if he's the right hand man as Zoe claims." John murmured and Joss felt a little hope grow inside her. "After we give Paul to Elias, we wait an hour or so…then you call this Fusco friend you've mentioned, and give the GPS coordinates for Elias. Tell him you don't want your name involved and make up a story about a C.I. giving him the information. I don't really care what your friend says as long as your name is not attached to it because we need Elias to have doubts over how the police received the information."

"Lionel will lie for me," she admitted, though she hated to ask Fusco to do so. But she was willing to do anything to protect Taylor and knew Fusco would do the same.

John felt the need to warn her. "I'm not sure on this though. The plan hinges on the tracker being placed on the right car, and the one that Marconi will drive up with to the school might not be the one they use in the transfer of Paul. We might do this and Elias gets away anyway Scott free."

"It's better than not trying at all. And if it is the wrong car we will still have one on Marconi's car that might bring down Elias in the future," she reasoned.

He nodded. John never made a promise that he couldn't back up. Only once he had and failed in the worst way, he wasn't going to do it again with Joss. "It's my turn to make dinner," he mumbled as he stepped back, needing a little space from her. John moved to turn away when he felt a small touch to his forearm. He looked back to her.

"Thank you," she said softly, sincerely.

"For what?"

"For trying to find a way to bring them both to justice; you didn't need to look for one but you did, and I appreciate it."

Unable to take her gratitude he merely grunted, turned and walked away.

* * *

Tomorrow came and true to John's word he had gone out to get a tracking device and drove them both to Brighton Beach. He parked nearby the school that Charlie Burton, aka Carl Elias, worked in. Joss sat in the passenger seat with binoculars, water, and a bag of chips to subvert her munchies. "I've actually missed stakeouts," she admitted. And this would be her last one she'd be on until after maternity leave.

"You'll have your life back soon enough Joss. I'll send you the signal after I meet up with Elias so be ready for Marconi,"he instructed before looking at her funny. "Joss?"

"Hmmm?"

"Just…your stomach looks a little different," he admitted. Joss looked down at her stomach that she left the jacket unzipped, and then back up at him.

"I know…."

"Is it normal? Is your baby alright?" he asked concernedly.

Joss smiled at him. "Yes and yes. I'm nearing my due date John; Taylor is just getting ready to be born. From all the books I've read that lightening can start a few weeks ahead of labor which would put me right at my due date." she explained softly. "Although, being on a stakeout now kind of stinks since I literally feel the need to use the restroom again and I just went minutes ago before we got here."

"Then it's a good thing that we almost have this all cleared up for you then," he muttered and with that he was gone. Joss pulled out her binoculars as he walked away and unapologetically let her gaze wander down to his butt.

John, oblivious to the ogling, strode into the high-school, flirted with the secretary in the front office, and got Burton's room number. Fortunately, for him, not the kids, the school's safety protocol was rather loose. Anyone could just enter the school and that bothered him. Perhaps with the help of Harold he'd help fix that little problem in the future, but first was Joss's problem.

He followed her directions to the room number and knocked on the door. On the door there was a small rectangular window near the top, which John peered in through, seeing Elias standing in front of the class, teaching, and turned to look his way and John smiled at the surprise on his face. Elias turned his attention to the class for a moment before walking to the door and exited.

"Hello, Elias." John greeted lowly.

"It is Burton here," Elias reminded him sternly.

John shrugged. "Not my problem since I'm not living a double life but I thought you'd like to know I have Paul," he murmured and Elias's eyes lit up.

"Is he with you now?"

"No. We'll meet tonight so the cops don't see that I'm meeting up with America's Most Wanted while having America's Second Most Wanted in my possession," John replied dryly. Elias smirked. "Here," John pulled out a slip of paper with an address written on it.

"What's this?"

"Where I want us to meet for the hand off," John replied smoothly.

"I choose…"

John interrupted; "No, you don't. I have what you need. We meet there or I could just hand Paul over to the cops right now and collect the handsome reward money."

Elias tightened his lips. "It could be a trap. You could kill us all with how capable you are to protect Joss, who you clearly care about."

"Could be," John agreed with a shrug. "I guess we won't know until tonight, _Elias_."

Elias stared harshly at him before letting out a long exhale. "Alright, we'll be there."

"Come by at 8pm; I'll be waiting. And once you have Paul if you ever even think of Joss Carter again I will make you wish you never were born," John promised before turning to leave Elias to watch him.

Joss perked up as John exited the school and flashed her a smile as he strode opposite from where she was currently parked. She instantly called him. "How did it go?" she asked watching him.

"He didn't like the fact that we are choosing when and where but he agreed since he really doesn't have a choice. Now you know what to do once you see Marconi show up right?"

Joss rolled her eyes. "This isn't my first rodeo," she reminded him. "Besides I'm motivated to get you the info as soon as I have it; Taylor is slowly torturing my bladder for fun!"

"mmm…" John sounded.

"How do you know Elias will contact Marconi to come by?" Joss wondered as she watched from her place parked curbside across the street from the school. Joss had the binoculars plastered to her face as she waited for Marconi to show his—rumored to be scarred—face.

"Let's just say I planted an idea in Elias's head to make sure he brought along some backup."

Joss snorted. Of course John was going to make Elias uneasy; John was rather skilled at making people uncomfortable. It took over an hour and a half of waiting until finally a man matching Marconi's description appeared. One half of the man's face was scarred and he didn't look fatherly at all to arrive at a school. He turned into the parking lot with speed and Joss zoomed in on the license plate.

"License plate: Oscar, Foxtrot, Echo, Papa, 1-9-8-6, black, new model Cadillac Escalade, and heading South towards the school as we speak. He looks to be heading to the back of the school," she relayed the information to John quickly. "The rest is up to you, Mr. Fabulous."

"Thank you, Detective," came John's retort that sounded full of mirth.

John was back up to bat as he moved away from his hiding spot to head where Joss had seen the SUV head. No doubt Marconi would want retribution for the ass kicking he received even if it defied Elias's direct command so he needed to do this quietly. He searched and saw Marconi heading for the back entrance of the school just as Joss said. John smirked as he kept back until Marconi disappeared from view. He focused his attention on finding the right SUV, and after surveying the license plates he found the right one. John got down onto the ground and shimmied under the car pulling out the tracking device.

"Have it done yet?" Joss asked impatiently in his ear.

John paused. "Not yet." he muttered, pregnant women were sure pushy. He wondered if her need to pee was getting too hard to ignore.

"Really?—thought you'd be done by now."

John exhaled. "I would be if I wasn't being interrupted." he retorted as he began to zip-tie the device to the car.

He heard her soft chuckle. "Oh, of course, I'm distracting you," she teased.

John couldn't help but smile as he turned the device on. "Is it coming through?" he asked. After a moment of silence Joss gave a quiet affirmation. "Good, now I need to get out of here. Care to pick me up, detective?"

"Be ready, it's beginning to be a dire situation in here for me!"

John rolled out from under the SUV and stood. He looked around and when he was satisfied no one had seen him he turned and walked away. He found Joss waiting for him near the entrance of the school's parking lot and he climbed into the passenger seat. She pulled away from the curb quickly. "We need to stop for lunch somewhere." she admitted defeat as she was close to embarrassing herself.

"Just try to get us far enough away from Brighton Beach as you can physically handle Joss, then stop," he agreed. Being pregnant had to suck.

She nodded, needing a distraction. "So…whose turn is it to make dinner tonight?" she asked as she sped away from Elias's school that he was posing in.

"I think it's time we both took a night off and just order out," he suggested instead.

Joss grinned. "My thoughts exactly,"

* * *

Joss was nervous which was probably why her stomach was feeling unsettled. They had gone out for Thai which John picked up for them to eat at home. By 7pm, dinner finished, her nervous butterflies building to a crescendo, John had loaded Paul up with Benadryl to make him drowsy enough for them to take him with them easily. She peed nearly a few dozen times before heading out to their specified destination but even still the urge was still there. But her anxiety over their impending meeting put the need to use the restroom again to the back burner.

She sat nervously in the backseat, per John's request, after she insisted on coming with him, and refused to stay home no matter how much he argued with her, and John finally relented but with his stipulation.

He pulled deep in at Randall's Island Park where John had requested them to meet at. John seemed to know that there weren't that many surveillance cameras around there, so either he had already done something there before during his CIA days or he just guessed. Joss knew that John never left something this important to chance. John pulled behind the large bricked support that was part of the RFK Triborough Bridge. It was quiet as the park was under renovations so it affected the times when visitors were allowed to come, which John seemed to also know. She wondered if that information was given to him from Harold.

John climbed out of the car but leaned down to peer in back to her. "Stay in the car unless I tell you otherwise," he stated brusquely, clearly not wanting to argue but would.

"Alright," she agreed, though needing to bite the inside of her cheek to do so. She knew it was the safe play and even though it made her swallow her pride she would do it. He nodded and swiftly closed the door and walked to the back of the car and she listened as he popped the trunk.

John didn't like bringing Joss but she insisted on coming, but that just meant he'd pay extra attention in this drop off. He picked Paul up, which created a dull ache in his wound that he was given thanks to the heavy man, and carried him away from the car before unloading him onto the hard ground. An SUV pulled up, shining his headlights right into his eyes, before shutting them off as it parked stationary. Two doors opened and out walked Marconi and Elias.

John eyed Marconi. "You look different conscious," John commented which seemed to enrage Scarface a little.

Elias smiled as he saw Paul, not caring about Marconi's anger, before looking up to John. "Thank you for bringing him to me in such a timely manner. I'm afraid I wasn't going to give you much time to bring him to me,"he admitted before looking past him and at their car. The smile on Elias's face grew as he saw eyes staring back at him thanks to the little light the park gave. "I see you brought the lovely detective with you. May I speak with her?"

"No," John growled.

Elias held his hands out. "Please, I must, John, and I won't take no for an answer and things could become…unpleasant. God knows Marconi wishes it so," he murmured persuasively.

The door to their car opened and he squeezed his hands into fists, knowing she cracked a window open to listen in on them, as she wasn't that far from them, but he couldn't take his eyes off Elias or Marconi. If either of them thought of taking a shot at her he would kill them both. He tracked their eyes and felt Joss sidled up next to him and he realized she held her gun poised on them.

"Sorry, my son dictates that I hold you at gunpoint." she stated coldly. John relaxed a little. He should have known Joss wouldn't just agree without being armed. But just to be sure John angled himself to be directly in front of her stomach.

Elias smiled. "I don't mean you any harm. John has made it perfectly clear that you are forbidden to even think about after this mess is handled. I just wanted to apologize to you detective; it was never my intention for you to be involved in this mess but seeing as you are pregnant with Paul's child I figured he would hand himself over to me for you." he explained. The gun never wavered as she held it pointed at Marconi, not Elias, knowing who the threat to her and her child really was.

A groan from the ground made their gazes drop to Paul as he came too from his slumber. He wiggled and squirmed on the ground as he looked around. His face paled as he rolled onto his back and saw Elias.

Elias crouched down near him. "Hello, Paul, long time no see," he greeted without warmth.

"E-Elias,"

"Glad you remember me. But the more important question is: do you remember Bruce Moran?—my friend, you know, the one you got murdered by the Russians?"

Paul shook his head. "I made a mistake, Elias, I didn't mean for him to get hurt! I didn't…"

Marconi made a face as he kicked Paul in the gut and he made a low grunting noise. John glanced at Joss who didn't show any sort of reaction to the fact that her husband was about to be given to men who would kill him as soon as they were through exacting revenge. It was that revenge that was going to give them enough time to set up Elias to be caught by police.

"You double crossed me for money. You got my friend killed and I cannot accept that even if it means that I send a message to the Russians and lose my anonymity," Elias explained coldly as he slowly rose to full height once more. He looked to Marconi. "Take him…."

Paul looked around panicked and found Joss. John shot him a deadly look to shut his mouth but the man didn't heed it. "Joss, don't let them take me! I'm the father to your child and your husband!" he pled as Marconi moved close once more.

That plea got a reaction out of Joss, John noted, though it wasn't the one he was suspecting, but rather one of rage. "My husband died in Iraq because the one that came back wasn't him. The man I married was a good man who did what was right and fought for his country. The one before me now is weak and pathetic, killed people for the highest bidder, and chose to let me fend for myself against a man who was hell bent on finding you. Paul, you chose yourself over me and my son, so now I'm choosing us over you," she said angrily, her voice low, but the little waver of her gun showed her true emotion because she knew deep down that Paul was a dead man no matter what happened tonight.

Marconi bent down and Paul looked around his shoulder. "Please, Joss!" he cried.

"Goodbye Paul,"

"You fucking cunt! You let them take me, you're a murderer just as I am!" Paul raged at her. Joss steeled herself from him as she refused to let him place the blame on her shoulders.

Marconi stared at him darkly. "She's nothing like you. She works to put people like us away and is only in this situation because of you," he hissed before slipping a gag around his mouth to shut him up. Paul squirmed and screamed which came out muffled in the gag.

Elias looked away from Paul as Marconi dragged him to their SUV. His eyes sought out John. "I'm afraid this is where we say goodbye." Elias murmured. "I'll stay out your way and you stay out of mine, John, and we should be able to coexist in the world together."

John merely stood there. "Stay away from Joss and her son and I won't kill you," he replied. Joss gaped at John who didn't even turn to look at her. Elias's smirk was enough to know how she was staring at him.

"Goodbye John, it was a pleasure to meet you. And if you ever do require a job please feel free to find me some time as I would love for you to come join me," Elias murmured before turning to look back at their SUV where Marconi was struggling to slip Paul into. Marconi used force to make Paul comply, placing a well-aimed punch to the clearly broken leg, before shutting the door and they climbed into the SUV.

"We leave first, Elias." John stipulated. Elias merely nodded as he looked back their way and actually waved at them. John escorted Joss, who finally lowered her weapon, towards their car while hoping their plan could work. They wouldn't know if it did or not until Fusco went to the coordinates and looked later. Joss let John maneuver her out from the open as they headed back to the car to get away, just so no one caught them. Elias stood watching them and she wasn't that surprised at how quickly John had her secured in the car and was pulling away, with the headlights turned off, and drove backwards until he could find a side exit that was nowhere near Elias, or where they actually entered from originally. John was cautious as well as paranoid, which she was actually grateful for.

She couldn't believe it; it was finally almost over. Now all they needed to do was wait the hour and place that call in with Lionel with what they hoped to be Elias's coordinates. Joss watched as John circled back and she looked to his profile in surprise as he pulled to a stop still with the headlights off and parked in between similar cars across the street from where the drop off had been with Elias.

"What are you…" she began but trailed off as the SUV that carried Marconi and Elias in the front seats pulled out into traffic. They both moved up to strain to see the license plate. Sure enough it was the same car that arrived at the school with the tracker on it and then a large Mack truck pulled out blocking their view of the SUV. Joss sagged in relief and it seemed John was happy with the outcome he turned the headlights on as he executed an U-turn and headed for their apartment. "You were right."

"It was just a hunch; glad it paid off. Now we can get back to the apartment so you can pee." he teased softly and she smiled at it.

Joss's smile froze on her face when she felt and heard a popping sound and then felt a stream of liquid escape from between her legs. "John," she called out alarmed.

He looked at her quickly. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head as she gripped his forearm. "My water just broke."

* * *

AN: Now the chaos erupts ;D

Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN: Happy New Year! I hope everyone had safe holidays! Mine were nice. This chapter my muse redid because it pitched a hissy fit over something I wrote previously. So now I'm much happier!**_

* * *

Joss grabbed at the dashboard as John weaved through traffic to get them to a hospital. "John could you, maybe, uh, slow down a bit?" she asked. "I want to actually give birth to my son at a hospital not from a car wreck," she grumbled, actually seeing a little humor in his reaction to her news.

Against his increasingly desire to stomp the gas pedal to the bottom of the car to get them to a hospital quickly, he forced himself to let off the gas and slow their pace down a bit. John looked at her quickly. "I thought you said that this lightening or whatever was a sign that you'd go into labor weeks from now," he said roughly. He didn't know the first thing about babies, whether it was delivering them or what to do with them once they were born! A surge of something akin to panic bubbled up as he quickly glanced at the woman beside him who sat calmly as could be which grated on his frayed nerves. Couldn't her kid just wait like another hour or two before he decided to make his grand entrance?!

Joss sighed. John was acting like a worried husband and impending dad. She smiled at the thought. It was nice to have someone to share this moment with. She looked at his profile and saw he was clutching the wheel with white knuckles and had a tense and pensive look on his face.

"Well…the books and doctors did say that every pregnancy is different and this stage could happen weeks or hours before labor," she admitted. Her contractions were far apart so the birth wasn't imminent but she was looking forward to the hospital.

"Couldn't you have mentioned that fact earlier?" he snapped.

Joss chuckled knowing his temper wasn't really directed at her. "I didn't know I fell into the camp of 'couple hours', John. You know know, I've never actually been pregnant before," she retorted, trying to hide a small smile. "Don't worry, you'll get me to the hospital in time. The contractions are far apart so we have plenty of time."

"Says the woman that told me that she was weeks from labor," he mumbled under his breath.

She hid her smile as she looked out the window as he drove them quickly to the hospital. She insisted on her hospital and not the closest one. "At least we'll have the perfect cover now that I'm in labor. Elias won't suspect I called in the tip to the police since I'll be in the hospital soon enough and then both my husband and Elias will be in police custody," she murmured to calm John by distracting him.

John gripped the steering wheel tighter as he spared a glance at her. "Yea," was all he said. It seemed to him that Joss still thought that Paul was going to be saved by being thrown in jail where Elias couldn't reach him. That unflappable wish for justice was deeply ingrained inside her and it awed him as much as it frustrated him. But he sped up his pace again as she gripped her stomach and squeezed her eyes shut, and breathed in and out.

* * *

Joss couldn't stop smiling at John as he paced her room. He wasn't pleased that she was in a semi-private room instead of a private room he had wanted for her. Then he scowled at her for not clearing the nurses up that confused him as the father as they teased him that it was only natural for first time fathers to be nervous.

"Thank you," she expressed softly as he continued to wear a hole in the sterile floor of the room. When they got to the hospital she immediately told them who her doctor was and he was called. Joss had been seen by him twice and told she had a long wait until Taylor would be coming. Her cervix was dilated a whole 4 centimeters. While they waited for her to head to the delivery room she had sent John to go text Fusco the instructions and Elias's exact location.

He stopped pacing to look at her. She answered his unspoken question; "For helping me even though you didn't want to, for getting Paul and making a deal with Elias that he couldn't refuse, for finding out a way to effectively get Elias and Paul in police custody, and for being here now. Your hunch was right and they used Marconi's car," she said. "You've done so much for me and I can't even begin to repay you."

"You don't need to," John remarked. He didn't know what made him do what he had done for this woman but he didn't want her gratitude for it.

"I feel as though I do."

He looked away. "You don't." And with that he stormed for the door needing to get away. He did everything he set out to do. Now there was nothing else she needed from him. Her doctors would deliver her son while Elias, Marconi, and Paul would be in police custody soon enough. This was where he took his bow.

"John, where are you going?" she asked. John stopped, turning to look back at her and she could see he was ready to bolt and that she was getting too close for comfort. "Please stay, I'm scared," she admitted.

Knowing who this woman was, her admitting to be scared must have been hell. John looked away as he held the door handle in his hand; walking out this door and getting as far away from Joss Carter as he could get was tempting because he didn't like how she made him feel. Or liked the way he looked at her. There was this invisible bond that connected them; trying to sever it only seemed to make the link stronger. He wasn't even sure he remembered why being alive was a waste of time. Jessica, but even as he thought about the woman he once loved so thoroughly, he seemed to fail at conjuring up the same level of emotion he used to whenever he thought of her. In a short time Joss had come to mean a lot to him and he didn't know what to make of that or if he was even willing to ever acknowledge the existence of the pull Joss had on him.

He stepped away from the door and proceeded to pace again, not seeing her tiny victorious smile.

* * *

Elias sat in the passenger seat as Marconi drove them towards Oyster Bay which was their turf. He turned in his seat to peer back at Paul who had long since given up trying to free himself. He seemed resigned to his fate so Elias reached back and removed the gag from his mouth.

"Just so you know that your death is going to come slowly. Bruce was a dear friend that was murdered because you double crossed me," Elias explained. Paul simply sat there and while he did Elias smiled evilly as he planned what he wanted to do.

After a moment he turned in his seat and as they crossed a major intersection they were immediately surrounded by several police cars making Marconi slam on his brakes. "Looks like my bitch of a wife double crossed you too," Paul announced.

Elias smiled. Of course the pretty pregnant detective wouldn't just hand over her loser ex, and let them get away with it. His admiration grew for her since she probably didn't know about the deal he made with her protector. Detective Jocelyn Carter was a nuisance but, alas, he promised that she'd be on his 'do not kill' list and he certainly didn't want to draw the wrath of the man protecting her.

"Yes, but unlike you, she has integrity and will not see a bitter end such as the one I plan for you," Elias explained, wiping the smile off the other man's face.

"POLICE! DROP ANY WEAPON AND EXIT THE CAR SLOWLY WITH YOUR HANDS UP NOW!" shouted a man with a Boston accent.

Marconi glanced at Elias. "What do you want me to do, boss?" he questioned. "I could try running some cops over and get us the hell out of here."

"Do as the police said, Anthony. We'll just have to change how we operate for the time being," Elias admitted, making plans in his head as he opened the door slowly and very carefully undid his seatbelt, and exited the vehicle with his hands held up just as his friend did. Elias faced the cops with a grin as they held them at gunpoint. Prison wasn't going to stop him from taking this city over and soon everyone would know it too. "Veni, vidi, vici…" he added still with a smile lacing his lips.

Fusco rolled his eyes as he kept his gun trained on who Carter claimed was Elias. He didn't even speak Latin to know it had to mean something pompous. But before he could get the nod from Szymanski to move cautiously towards the two men with their hands held high, gunfire sounded and Elias fell to the ground. "Shit, someone's shooting!" Fusco shouted as everyone ducked. Another sound of gunfire erupted and Fusco scanned the surrounding buildings for where it was coming from before quickly ducking as their cars they were hiding behind for cover became riddled with bullets. Whoever the shooter was had what Fusco figured to be an AR-15 or something like it. And as quickly as the shooting began it was over. Slowly he, the uniforms, and the organized crime unit managed to peek up to see it seemed all clear.

An officer immediately radioed in for more backup and some began immediately locking down the surrounding area to keep civilians out. Fusco cautiously moved to the SUV, even with adrenaline pumping hard through his veins, with other officers to find both Elias and a man with a scarred face lying on the ground lifelessly. He looked to the right because both men had an entry wound in the side of their head from the right with an exit wound to the left. Fusco frowned as he noted with dismay the amount of buildings the shooter could be hiding in. Several uniformed officers raced away looking for the culprit.

Szymanski holstered his weapon and swore. "This was a hit job," he commented before looking up at Fusco. "Perhaps your anonymous tipper also gave the information to other less than scrupulous people."

"Maybe," Lionel agreed halfheartedly though knowing Carter wanted to catch Elias, Marconi, and her loser husband and not kill them. Fusco focused on the backseat of the SUV and surprisingly enough Paul was crouched down peering up at him. "We have a live one in the backseat and it looks like America's Second Most Wanted just as the tipper claimed," Fusco stated as he immediately opened the door.

"I need a damned doctor," Paul cried.

Fusco rolled his eyes as he undid the binds before snapping cuffs in their place. "Don't worry we'll get you to a hospital right after I read your rights because, Paul Carter, you're under arrest," Lionel ground out with barely contained glee. Szymanski called for paramedics that were just arriving. They might have a new issue forming with someone that took out Elias, but at least they got Paul Carter.

* * *

AN: And this is where we cue the *uh-oh* Next chapter we finally get to meet Taylor :)

Thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

He walked down the sterile white corridor to the nurse's station. "I need Paul Carter's room number." he said with a charming smile plastered on his face.

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, that's restricted…"

He sighed as he pulled out the fake badge. "I'm with the NYPD, I need his room number." he repeated this time with less warmth in his voice. The nurse pursed her lips and scanned his badge before nodding and typing away on her computer. The smile that graced his lips as she gave him the room number was genuine.

Mark Snow turned away from the station and walked unhurriedly down the corridor to the elevators and pressed hard on the UP button. Almost a week ago much to his surprise and anger he saw John escorting a very pregnant woman away from punks lying on the ground after getting into it with his former Agent. Of course John just wouldn't die. Kara was a failure! He would just have to take matters into his own hands this time.

It took less than five minutes to find Paul's room and send off the uniformed officers watching the room. He entered with a quick glance up and down the hallway noting it was quiet and clear. He needed to make this fast. Paul watched him approach. "Let me guess; you're my legal representation?"

Mark smiled and nodded grateful for the ready-made lie, perhaps this man was going to be easy to manipulate into helping him. "Yes, I'm Attorney Snow. I need to know what happened so I can better build a case for you, Paul. From what I gather you were in the car with two notorious criminals."

"Against my will!—my future ex-wife and her crazy boyfriend broke my leg and set me up with Elias. I'm innocent!"

"Crazy boyfriend?" Mark repeated, wanting to get to that more than anything but he needed this idiot to buy his lie long enough to learn if he could find John for him or not.

"Yea, he was the one that broke my leg and abducted me. I think he works for Elias," Paul lied through his teeth. He might go to prison for his crimes but he was going to take that psycho with him, and hurt Joss in the process.

"Do you know of any way of contacting this crazy boyfriend?" Mark asked, happy the fool was happy to talk about John without much urging.

"No, the crazy fucker didn't say much but he'll probably be hanging around my wife. Her name is Jocelyn Carter, and a Detective for the 8th precinct," Paul instructed.

Mark nodded and then smiled. "Thank you, Paul, you've been quite the help," he said sincerely as he stepped closer.

Paul peered at him noticing the change. "You're not my lawyer, are you?"

"No, I'm not. I'm actually looking for the man that is with your pregnant wife." he agreed, withdrawing his hands from his pockets, grateful he left his gloves on.

"You're the one that gunned down Elias," Paul realized.

Mark nodded. "Yes, I couldn't risk the police finding out about the man I'm searching for or they might be prompted to search for him themselves and that just can't happen. And I must say Paul, you're far more intelligent than I gave you credit for," he admitted before removing Paul from his heart monitor. Before Paul could call for help Mark grabbed for his pillow and put it over his face and pressed down hard even as Paul thrashed on the bed for all he was worth. His struggles became weaker and weaker until finally they ceased completely and Mark kept the pressure up long enough to make sure the man was well and dead before he straightened. "But, not smart enough." he whispered and with that left the room.

* * *

Hours had gone by since he received a text from Carter's burner phone to the precise location of Carl Elias that held her husband, who he was after. Currently Fusco sat at his computer rubbing his eyes. Wait until Carter heard what happened. Not only did someone gun down Elias and Marconi, but then Paul Carter was strangled to death in his hospital room a short time later. Fusco knew without a doubt it had to be the same hit man that took out Elias. But who, and why?!

"Excuse me…."

Fusco pulled himself out of his musings and looked up at a masculine voice. There in front of his desk stood a bald man in a long coat. The guy looked uppity and government if you asked him. "May I help you?" Lionel inquired.

As figured, the man pulled out a badge. He was CIA. "I'm Agent Snow and I was wondering if you knew where Detective Jocelyn Carter is? I was told by your Captain that you are her partner," the bald man asked.

Something about this guy was rubbing him wrong and he couldn't put his finger on it. Lionel was quiet for a moment before saying; "Easy, she's at Calvary Hospital about to have a baby." When ole' Baldy made a face at which hospital he listed Fusco smirked. "Cop's benefits aren't exactly great, you know, so she had to go where her insurance was taken even if it's a journey from here. Though may I ask why you need to know? What does the CIA want with a NYPD Homicide Detective?"

The man named Snow just smiled. "Thanks, Detective, and I hear congratulations are in order for you too. You might have caught the notorious Carl Elias from a tip from one of your informants who wants to remain anonymous. Too bad Elias isn't alive to receive his comeuppance."

Fusco narrowed his eyes. The congratulations didn't sound sincere. "Thanks, I do what I can. We won't know for sure that he's Elias until DNA testing is finished. And if it was Elias then we need to find out who killed him," he said slowly. With that the man left and Fusco realized he never really was told an answer to his question, which left him even more suspicious.

* * *

John progressively had gotten antsier and antsier. Joss was worried he was going to leave even though she wished for him to stay but then her doctor arrived and congratulated her because she was ready to be taken to delivery. John looked half scared as hell and elated for her, probably resembling her too. The nurse whisked John away to go scrub up as he protested weakly but Joss sent him one of her best puppy dog eyes and even batted her lashes at him, and he caved. _This was to save him from himself, not for herself_ , she told herself. There would be just no way that John would succumb to the darkness after he sees the birth of Taylor. There was too much life, and beauty, and happiness to surrender to the dark.

The delivery of Taylor was touch and go; John had entered the delivery room surly as a bear but as the delivery progressively got more harrowing he was tender with her, and supported her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as they curtained up and sliced into her abdomen to do a C-section to save her and Taylor's life. She squeezed his hand tight and John just smiled at her and told her that there was no way she'd lose Taylor because he was probably as stubborn as she was. Joss would have laughed if she could. But fear kept her locked in silence. Fear turned to elation when finally she heard the healthy set of lungs her boy had, followed quickly by a swell of love when her son was placed in her arms.

Now she sat in her room knowing she had to call her mom but didn't because she knew John would bail the moment she did, she held Taylor who was utter perfection in her arms. Her mama would understand that she was trying to save a life. The doctor and nurses said she'd be here probably for the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours depending on how well things went. She looked up at the sound of the door and saw John entering the room. He had disappeared when she moved from the delivery room to this quiet one. She was sore, emotional, and happy to see him.

"I was afraid you left," she admitted.

"Not yet…."

Joss frowned at the answer. She didn't want him to go anywhere. He was there for her during a moment of absolute panic and kept her calm. Now that he was in her life she didn't want him going anywhere. She noticed he shifted a look to her son. "Want to hold him?" she asked. Taylor was born 9 pounds, 16 inches, and with a mop of curly hair. John lifted his eyes to her and she saw resounding panic in them. "You won't hurt him, John," she whispered softly as her voice threatened to be choked off at the sadness that he thought he would.

"I shouldn't."

"Why?" she demanded as she sniffled, trying to ward off the tears that he was rejecting her son and in effect rejecting her. Why it mattered that he held her son was beyond her comprehension but the fact that he didn't want to hurt deeply.

John stared at her and wondered if she was about to cry. He didn't want to see her cry because it did something to him internally. Made him want to squeeze the life out of whoever did it to her. "Joss, I think it's best that I don't."

"That still didn't answer my question," she pointed out.

"Joss, he's like two hours old, I never held a baby," he muttered in exasperation. And she smiled as tears welled up in her eyes. He wasn't scared that he would hurt Taylor; he was just scared because he never held a baby before. "Don't cry," he growled as he saw the wateriness to her big brown eyes. Eyes that he suspected could make a guy agree to anything including cutting off his own dick.

"Too late," she said shakily as her tears spilt down her cheeks. "I want you to hold Taylor, please…" John looked torn but moved close to her. She instructed him how to hold the baby as she carefully placed her precious treasure into his strong arms and pulled back and tears flowed steadily down her cheeks. John, who had big, strong, hard hands held her son so gently, and carefully. Taylor was tiny compared to John as he rested in John's arms swaddled in his blue blanket.

Her eyes honed in on John's face as he smiled at her son. The mask that John wore slipped a little and she saw the man underneath the one he showed to others. The real one that held a deep seeded pain that she wasn't sure she could ever help him heal but she was going to damn well try. This was an intimate moment and realized her feelings for John weren't quite as simple as she had first made them out to be. Lust was simple. Blaming her lusty feelings for John on pregnant hormones was easy. But now as she sat in this hospital bed watching him hold her son she realized she was hiding from the truth: that what she felt was past simple lust.

"Baby steps, Joss." she whispered to herself; for John and for herself. She needed to divorce Paul first and move on from what had happened before she even contemplated moving on with a new man. And John was surely not ready for anything romantically. Practically a week ago he had one foot in the grave, was a homeless man without a connection to the world. He needed friendship and someone to lean on first and then they could go from there.

"Hmmm…"

Joss looked up as she realized John heard her. "Oh, I just said you look good holding a baby," she lied as she pasted on a wobbly smile. The door opened to her room and Lionel walked in with a large grin on his face. She shot John a look and noticed with sadness that the mask slipped back on his face as they weren't alone any longer.

"Congratulations Carter, welcome to parenthood!" Lionel said sincerely as he hugged her before eyeing John warily. "You must be Mr. Tall, Dark, and Deranged."

"Lionel!" she hissed.

But John merely smirked at her friend. "And you must be Fusco," he replied, a little snide overtone in his voice. Lionel eyed Taylor in John's arms before looking at Carter as if she lost her ever-loving mind. "You want to hold him?" John asked.

"I'd like to," Fusco agreed hesitantly. John moved to Fusco and Joss smiled as Lionel was a pro at taking the baby from John who looked worried. Lionel grinned at Taylor. "Looks like you, Carter, good thing too."

Joss dabbed at her eyes with a little Kleenex. "I thought the same," she admitted. Lionel held the baby before finally giving him back to Joss and the look of happiness faded. "What's up?" she wondered as she cuddled her son to her. He yawned mightily making her smile. The love she felt was instant and she'd rip anyone's throat out if they ever hurt Taylor, must be the Mama Bear syndrome she heard about from her own mama.

Lionel looked at John before sighing. "We had a problem picking up Elias, his crony, and your husband," he acknowledged, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news on such a momentous moment for Carter but she needed to know.

"What sort of problem?" she asked.

"Someone gunned down Elias and Marconi before we could apprehend them," he announced, noting both sets of surprised looks from Carter and Mr. Sunshine himself. "It was professional too because they were taken out with headshots. Then not even an hour or so later while Paul was in the hospital getting his leg placed in a cast and checked over by some docs he was strangled to death with his own pillow."

Joss gaped. "They're all dead?!" she exclaimed, though tried to keep her voice down to not upset her baby boy. All their hard work to get everyone into police custody and it was for nothing.

Fusco nodded with a sidelong glance at the big guy near him before focusing on Carter. "I got back to the precinct after working the scene when low and behold a smarmy man in a suit came up to me asking where you are, Carter. He introduced himself as Mark Snow, CIA Agent."

John and Joss both cursed. "I should have known that I couldn't stay invisible in New York forever, not when Mark Snow worked from offices here. He had to have seen me at some point to find out I'm still alive," John spit out. "Mark Snow, no doubt, is the man that killed Elias, Marconi….and Paul."

"Why?" Fusco asked, glad his instincts on the guy were spot on. Lionel's instinct on the one in the room weren't as easy to decipher. Clearly the big guy had a thing for Carter with the way he looked at her but he wasn't sure if he was good for his partner or not.

Joss answered for John. "Because he's looking for John," she murmured softly.

"What exactly did Snow talk to you about, Fusco?" John demanded.

"He asked where Carter was. I was suspicious of him so I gave him a wrong hospital to buy some time to figure out what was our next move," Fusco continued. John eyed the shorter man in surprise. Fusco was smarter than he looked. "What's with that look?—I didn't win this badge at some poker tournament, wonder-boy."

Joss looked between both men before focusing on John. "How does he even know about me?" she wondered.

"If I took a guess I'd say your lovely husband helped Snow out about your identity. Snow took out Elias in fear of the cops maybe learning of my existence and launching their own manhunt to find me. Snow can't let his secrets be found out so he needed to kill Elias and Marconi. Mark had to know about our meeting somehow and learned who Paul was and which hospital he was taken too."

"With his connections in the CIA it wouldn't be hard to find out." Fusco muttered.

Joss sighed. "Nah, Snow isn't going to have his real name attached to that because then there is a trail and he'd have to answer questions as to why he wanted to know anything about Paul." she replied, and John merely nodded his head in agreement. "My best guess is he used a fake name to get the information."

"Snow always did enjoy playing copper." John murmured and motioned her way. " Knowing how easily Snow can lie and slip into any kind of persona like I can he probably even faked Paul into believing him or Paul was pissed that you handed him over to Elias and didn't care."

Joss let out an expletive. "Paul did me dirty even to his dying breath," she snarled but kept herself in check not to upset her slumbering newborn. "But how did he even know about the meeting with Elias?"

"I don't know, Joss." John said, sounding tired, and it was that tiredness that worried Joss.

"Well, we'll just have to fight fire with fire," she murmured. "By the time Snow realizes I'm not at the hospital Fusco told him I was in we can hide you until we can figure this out."

Lionel eyed Mr. Tall, Dark, and Serious who clearly had a neon blinker on that read: 'I'm Bolting' and he was all for it. Carter didn't need this kind of hassle, not with a newborn to look out for. Sometimes other people needed to think about her needs since she wouldn't herself and he was glad to see the big guy over there realized that. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"Well I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm going to head out. I'm sure you need some rest since you won't be getting any for the foreseeable future," Lionel said not so jokingly, before giving wonder-boy a look and then left.

The moment the door closed Joss stared at John realizing he had that look again. "Don't," she pleaded.

"Don't what?"

"Don't go! And don't shut me out now. After everything we've been through together I don't think I can handle being shoved behind the invisible wall you keep everyone else out with."

He shuddered. "Joss, I need to go. Snow won't stop until he's found me and you're finally free to live your life as you wish."

"Leaving doesn't mean that Snow will leave me alone. Snow wants you dead because you know things about him and thinks he can use me to find you so he'll watch my every move. But as you well know I'm smart and I'll be careful; I know how to slip a tail when I need to," she argued. Joss fought for control of her emotions which was tough since her hormones were all over the place. "John, I want you in my life and Taylor's," she said softly.

"I'm a killer, Joss," he rasped as he looked her deep in her eyes. "There's no place for me in your life or his. I shouldn't have even held him with all that I've done. Nothing so innocent and pure should be touched by someone like me."

"Are you trying to upset me because it's working?!—you are _not_ this monster, John. I wouldn't have wanted you to hold my son if you were. I wouldn't have wanted you by my side if you were. Why can't you see you as I see you?" she asked, the threat of tears of both sadness and anger was growing to a code red situation. Holding them back was becoming too hard to manage.

"You don't know everything."

She made a face. "I know enough; the rest you hold onto as a way to tear yourself down with. What I know is that you are a good man even if you don't think it. Not many would have done what you did to save me and my son. You went above and beyond anyone else ever would. You're past is over, John. You can only move forward now…just like me."

"My past has caught up with me. Dead men don't have second chances."

"But you're not dead, John, you just have to fight!" she insisted, feeling as though she was trying to hold onto water as it slipped through her fingers.

He growled something low as he stepped towards her bed grabbed her cheeks and kissed her. She sat in her hospital bed, Taylor held in her arms, as she was kissed with the same intensity as their previous kisses but this one felt different. Before it had been bruising, angry, and overwhelmingly passionate; but this, this was tender, soft, and moving on a spiritual level. Joss was paralyzed by the sensations before melting into it, kissing him back, trying to heal the deep cracks in his heart. The cracks she was beginning to suspect were craters in size. He pulled back stumbling away from her, clearly affected by the kiss as much as she was.

"Goodbye Joss," he murmured as he averted his gaze before completely whirling around to leave.

"John, wait!" she cried, desperately wanting to follow but knowing she couldn't, which John used to his advantage. Unable to stop the tears any longer they flowed freely as he reached for the door handle. "Please," she pleaded and he hesitated at the door but it wasn't enough as he opened it. "Go, but I swear to god I'll find you. And we'll face your past together so you can have a future!" she shouted as he disappeared through the door, Taylor awoke and began crying.

Her parting words had an effect on him. He had no doubt that the detective would search for him but fortunately for him she would have a newborn to deal with. John could still feel her lips under his, still feel the way she responded to him, still felt Taylor in his hands, and he just needed to get away. John exited the hospital, getting blasted with cool air, and he stopped as the two parts of him fought each other; one half wanted to run while the other half wanted to stay. John closed his eyes as he longed for the empty feeling he was used to, familiar with, would come back but Joss filled that void in him. Staying would only bring hell upon her. Snow couldn't afford to let him run around alive not with what he knew. John wouldn't go down without a fight which Snow knew and desperate men made drastic decisions. Snow would hang out Joss to dry if it meant exploiting a weakness and gaining an advantage in a fight. Leaving was the only option that protected both Joss and Taylor. Their lives weren't worth risking for his. _And leaving now meant it wouldn't hurt so much when Joss leaves you_ , his inner voice added.

John forced his feet to put distance between himself and the hospital, where the woman and child that had given a new reason to live were. He'd see to their protection even if he couldn't be with them in person. With every step he took it felt like the harder it was to breathe as his heart felt like it was being squeezed but he continued on because it was the right thing to do. If Snow thought he didn't really care about Joss and had walked away from her just as he had Jessica, without a backwards thought, then maybe Snow would leave her alone too. Not at first but in enough time. Snow would think he was incapable of love and emotion. He'd be the Tin Man as they figured him to be. Joss and Taylor would have the life they deserved. And he would be once again on the outside looking in.

* * *

AN: This is messy and complicated...which is perfect for these two!

Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

10 Days Later…

Joss was happy to finally get her life back in order. She had to remain in the hospital for 48 hours. Her mama wanted to pamper her because apparently she was the first woman ever in the world to have a C-section. But she let her mama have her way this time; she was her only child and this was her first grandchild. So the first week after Taylor was born her mother stayed with her at the brownstone and Joss was happy with the help. Fatigue from the surgery and from Taylor confusing day and nighttime had exhausted her. Not to mention she physically ached from missing John. It felt like a part of her was gone. She had grown so accustomed to his quiet presence, the back and forth as they argued, the conversations, his dry wit, and their rapid fire trivia quizzes that kept her on toes. Now that it was gone, he was gone, she felt lonely. Joss never felt lonely. Now she was, because of him. Dreams of being held in his strong arms invaded her subconscious as did dreams of feeling his consuming toe-curling kisses that made falling asleep again damn near impossible.

Though she understood John's reasoning for leaving it didn't make it any easier or any more wanted. She didn't want his protection. She wanted him…in her life and Taylor's in any capacity she could have him. Part of her, the superficial part, knew exactly in what capacity she wanted him. But the other part of her, the one that was confused by the feelings he evoked in her, wasn't quite sure. Something happened between them as he helped save her from Elias; they shared a deep mutual attraction that was sizzling and passionate that neither could deny. But beneath the intense physical attraction beat something altogether more powerful. Something that saw past his homelessness and saw past her baggage and it was that something that connected them since the beginning. But if she was honest with herself they were like the worst tale ever told; a pregnant runaway meets a drunken homeless man on the verge of ending it all, both were hard-headed and stubborn, while one was determined to live life and the other was determined to live out his doomed fate. Even as she tried to convince herself that it wouldn't have a happy ending, she couldn't quite come to believe that. And she clung to that hope.

Joss smiled as she entered her son's nursery and sighed with love as he was sound asleep. He was all tuckered out after eating and pooping. Once happy her little angel was content; she exited the room and took the baby monitor walkie with her to hear him if he was crying. She went downstairs, ignoring the pain she still felt from her surgery, and was about to round the banister to head into the kitchen to make herself a salad when she heard a knock on the door. She frowned. So help her if that was her mama she was banning her from seeing Taylor for an entire week!

Joss swiveled on her heel and headed for the door, swinging it open with a smile and said; "Mama, if you come by here one more time…" but her voice trailed off, and her smile died on her face. Instead of her mother was a bald man wearing a suit, which matched Mark Snow's description. The smarmy ass, so far, had gotten away with murder…literally. "May I help you?" she asked with considerably less warmth. This man was a traitor to his country. This man put a hit out on John. This man was the reason John jumped ship and hadn't been seen since, and why she felt lonely! Mark Snow was going to get his comeuppance if she had any say in it.

"Hello detective, I'm Agent Mark Snow with the CIA," he greeted as he flashed her his badge along with an obvious insincere smile. He was trying to be polite but she didn't reciprocate. "And I'm here to ask you a couple questions."

"About?" she asked sounding bored. Oh, she knew for damn sure what he was here for but she wasn't giving him an inch.

Mark Snow reached into his jacket and pulled out a photo of John, who looked a tad younger and didn't appear to know he was being photographed. "I'm looking for this man and was wondering if you've seen him?" said Snow, sounding impatient.

Joss kept her poker face on and lied through her teeth. "Sorry, never seen that man in my life."

Snow's eyes widened and reshowed her the photograph. "Are you sure?" he demanded. They both knew she was lying but he couldn't make her tell the truth.

"And what makes you think I've seen this man?" she asked, not answering him one way or another.

Snow's fake smile fell away. "I know about what happened to you thanks to your husband and criminal mastermind Carl Elias. Thankfully, those two notorious killers have been dealt with," he told her, sounding proud. Joss bit her cheek to keep from accusing him of doing it. She wasn't supposed to know and then he'd know she had contact with John. "But the description of the man that helped you, the good samaritan as you called him, matches the man's description that I'm looking for and I need to find him."

"Why do you need to find him?"

Snow's eyes narrowed on her. "He's wanted by our agency. The things he was asked to do for his country broke him, detective, and he became obsessed with his partner, Kara Stanton, and killed her in a fit of rage. I want to find him to get him the help he needs, before any other agency gets their hands on him. Now please relook at the photo and tell me if this is the man that helped you."

Joss nearly laughed at the load of bull he was trying to spoon-feed her. But she didn't. Instead she made a show of really scrutinizing John's photo before shaking her head. "Sorry, I think I'd remember meeting a handsome man like that," she said innocently.

Snow angrily pocketed the photo. "Detective, drop the act; I know he's the one that helped you," he growled.

She searched his face. "Do you now, how? Lots of men can fit the description I gave. The only person that knows who helped me is me because no one else saw him. And I say that man in the photo is not the man that helped me," she stated darkly. The meeting to hand over Paul with Elias wasn't on record. It was just a secret between her, Lionel, John, and three dead men. Fusco's report was that he received the coordinates of the elusive Carl Elias from an anonymous source.

But unfortunately Mark Snow wasn't stupid enough to walk into the trap. "I just do, Detective. You have a beautiful little boy to take care of. I'd hate for something to happen to his mother," Snow said.

Joss bared her teeth as she stiffened and readied herself for war. If Snow thought he was going to intimidate her he had another thing coming. "Did you just threaten me, Agent Snow?" she asked carefully. Joss had a half of mind to tip her hand about her knowledge in his misdeeds but didn't. If he knew she knew then she'd be good as dead.

"No. I'm just warning you. When John becomes attached to someone bad things happen. Just ask the last woman he was attached too," he said before giving her his business card. "If you see that man…call me, so I can help him."

Joss took the card and kicked the door shut, before locking it up. She moved to the window and watched Snow look around her place before moving towards a black SUV. No doubt he'd be back like a bad rash; she eyed Snow's business card thoughtfully; perhaps this could come in handy.

* * *

After Snow's unwanted appearance Joss had gotten angry and after she tended to Taylor's needs of feeding, a diaper change or two, and some loving affection, she had baked to burn off some of the lingering tension from the meeting.

Joss finished frosting the last cupcake with blue icing and green sprinkles when there was a knock on the door but this time she didn't smile. Her mama wouldn't come this late in the evening. Fusco and Shaw would have texted her first. Joss moved cautiously to the door, the baby monitor walkie in hand, and checked the window first. She didn't see anyone at the door and her suspicions grew.

Reaching for her piece that sat on the nearby table she carefully opened the door and frowned when she saw a small box wrapped in blue wrapping paper. She drew the door fully open and looked around her front stoop but saw no one on the sidewalk. It was like a ghost-town under the soft glow from the streetlamps. Joss grimaced a bit as she bent to pick up the present and saw a little card attached. She entered her home, locking the door up before setting her gun down, and put the present next to it while eyeing it dubiously. Her mind conjured up wild theories before opening the envelope and pulled out a little card that congratulated her on the baby boy. She opened the card like it contained some foreign substance meant to murder her and, her breath caught when she realized in barely legible handwriting that it was signed by John.

When she realized she hadn't breathed yet and she felt her vision tunneling she panted out a breath as she reached for the gift and tore into it as tears gathered in her eyes. She pulled out a blue blanket that had cute little race cars on it with Taylor's name written in gold, prominently displayed in the middle. It was soft to the touch. Joss looked back into the box and saw a _New York Giants_ Baby Rattle.

She set the gifts down, unlocking, and whipped the door open to call out for him though careful to not say his name. Joss stepped out barefoot on her front stoop. It was cool for mid-April but she didn't feel it as she scanned the surrounding area. She looked around and still saw no one, not even a misplaced shadow. But she knew he was watching from somewhere close by because she could feel him, feel his gaze. It was crazy but she knew it.

After waiting for him to appear from thin air but didn't, she turned and entered her home, and slid the door closed, once more locking it up. Joss carried the gifts into the living room with her, along with the walkie, and snatched up her cell phone. She had disposed of the burner phone that Finch had gotten her but she was hoping that John hadn't.

Joss dialed the number and put her cell phone to her ear and waited as it rung. She tapped her foot impatiently against her hardwood floor, and then her breath lodged in her throat as it was answered. "John…?" she whispered.

"Joss, you shouldn't have called." said John, with sadness lacing his voice.

She sat down on her couch. "Well, I hadn't thought to before now," she muttered. It wasn't like her to overlook something so simple yet she had. Though she wasn't getting much rest these days but knew she was using up her one and only chance at speaking to him. No doubt after this he was going to discard the phone now that he realized she remembered it. "I know you're close. Please, come over," she asked.

He was quiet for a while. "I can't," he said softly.

"You risked coming to my door to give me this gift, at least give me the satisfaction of saying thank you in person," she reasoned. Joss would lay the guiltiest guilt trip ever if need be.

"I shouldn't have done it."

"But you did," she pointed out as she leaned back, lifting her feet up onto her coffee table and held the blanket to her chest.

"It was a momentarily lapse in judgment," he almost whispered.

"Then have another and come over. I just baked cupcakes. We can talk over them and some coffee. Maybe renew our trivia quiz, I still need to beat you," she cajoled.

"Are they chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate, duh!" she answered with a snort. Who baked vanilla cupcakes when you could have chocolate?

He chuckled softly. "Eat one for me."

"That's not the right answer John. You're supposed to say; yes, of course, I'll be right over," she responded, annoyed.

It was quiet over the phone again. "You know why I should stay away. Snow just made an appearance and…"

"How the hell do you know about that?" she demanded, cutting in. Silence followed. "Wait a minute, wait a damn minute! You've been watching my place from afar for a while haven't you? As long as you can see me everything is alright but I can't see you…that's unfair John!" she snarled angry. At least he had the presence of mind to not respond, anything he said wouldn't be satisfactory. "Why did you kiss me like that in the hospital, John?—it's nearly worse than not saying goodbye at all because it's all I can think about and feel" she asked as the anger fled from her.

"I don't know."

Joss scoffed. "For a former spy you are a lousy liar," she complained softly. "I've been fed so many lies over the years from Paul, can you do something for me that is completely different and tell me the truth?" she asked warily.

Just because he didn't want to be anything like her ex, he spoke; "Because you're unreal to me, Joss, so I kissed you more for my sake than yours."

She sat up at the honest answer not figuring he would answer her. "Why am I unreal, John?" she questioned.

"You have this unwavering belief in me that I don't have in myself. You're this beautiful, intelligent, fiery woman that has an unshakeable resolve for life. And I kissed you because I wanted to taste life before it slipped through my fingers again."

Joss felt her insides twist at the admission as her heart took a hit. If only she could get her hands on him for a little bit. She could help him believe in himself. How he managed to still think he was a monster was a mystery to her.

"John, come over…please," she implored. "We can deal with Snow together. I just need you to trust me to help you."

He was quiet for a little while. "I think you have enough to deal with a newborn son to attend to," he said finally.

Joss knew he was getting close to ending the call. John had admitted more than he wanted to already and he wasn't willing to step foot near her. She wondered if he was scared if he came over that he wouldn't be able to leave again. The fact that he was still here, holding his demons and pain at bay meant he was open to the possibility that he had more life to live. She just had to get him to believe in it.

"Goodbye, Joss…."

Joss stubbornly blinked a few times to keep from crying. "Not goodbye, John, merely see you later," she countered.

"Forget about finding me," he requested gruffly, though to her it sounded halfhearted. She wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking on her part or he really didn't want her to stop looking for him, but either way she wasn't giving up. The word 'quit' wasn't in her vocabulary.

"Not an option." she replied simply. "And if you really didn't want me to look then you wouldn't have given me this gift. You wouldn't have answered my call. You wouldn't have answered me honestly about why you kissed me because you knew I needed it. You would continue to lie and make me believe less in you but you didn't. So, John, good luck, and take care, until I find you," she responded and ended the call herself. Joss leaned back feeling emotionally wiped. Talking to him made the immense loneliness in her fade a little.

She got to her feet hugging the gifts and the walkie to her chest as she moved to the window and peered out, not seeing anyone. Joss had a feeling John was still out there, brooding over what she said, and glaring at her, wishing she'd listen just for once. But she had no intentions of just sitting idly by.

"Hear me John; I'm going to give back to you the life that's been stolen from you and make sure that Taylor and I are in it," she vowed before turning and headed for the kitchen to eat a cupcake for John.

* * *

AN: Long Author's Note Warning but it's needed! Okay so this is where you guys are going to kind of hate me...but, this is the end of story 1. I'm splitting the stories up for a few reasons. The first is because of length. The second story is longer than the first and I don't think anyone wants to read another of my 60+ chapter stories. I have a penchant of writing long ass stories so this is my attempt at shortening them up. And the next reason was because of a time jump that happens. John's hell bent on staying away for her happiness and Joss has a newborn to attend too. Plus separation only makes the heart grow fonder, am I right? The third reason I had was mainly because I want to catch up on stories I have fallen behind on and I do have another minor story waiting around for me to post. I didn't want to do that while posting this one. I knew how much you guys wanted updates for this story and RL did get in my way a bit which I apologize for. Anyways, I won't make you wait terribly long for me to begin posting the sequel to this which I already have a title for, so if you see:

 **The Beast Finds a Home**

that is the sequel to this one as you can see as the cheesy titles continue LOL. Just a little teaser till then because I'm a spoiler whore:

 _She wasn't leaving until Harold spilled on John's whereabouts. "I don't care about whatever promise you gave him, Harold, I need to find him. The only reason I haven't asked earlier is that I was still on maternity leave and needed to focus on my newborn. Now, I'm ready regardless if John is,"_

Thank you for reading this XOXOXOX. To all anon/guest reviews I read them all and wish I could talk to you or thank you personally but this will have to do: thank you XOXOXOX


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